Will try and make this a brief as possible. Basically just trying to get more advice as to what I should do. I am very torn.
Met husband abroad in a country with a lot of cheating. Married 4 years with a two year old and a newborn. After two year old was born decided together to move to the US together. I moved back when six months pregnant to look for a job and to avoid having the baby abroad (not good health care in the country we lived in). I found out a few days before he was supposed to come to the US (a week before my due date) that he was cheating on me since I had left with a woman he met at work. Decided to have him come to participate in birth and figure things out.
After arriving he continued the relationship with the woman for another month, and then continued to try and be "friends" for an additional month. He, on his own, finally decided it was a bad idea and ended it. I found this out via his phone records shortly after he really ended it - he called her up and let me listen and it was clear that this was the case. He has let me have access to all phone/computer, ect, has agreed to go to marriage counseling and answered all of my questions. However throughout all of this he has repeatedly lied to me and I am having a hard time trusting him. Over the weekend, I agreed to let him go out and hit the town on his own, and found out he went to a strip club. I don't like that he did so, but don't have huge issues with strip clubs, but the fact that he lied about it just makes me feel like having a relationship with him is hopeless. I think in part the lying in a cultural thing - where he is from lying is much more normal, there isn't the c oncept of an "honest" relationship like in the US.
If we separate he has to move back abroad as he is not a US citizen. He might see our kids once/year and only if I help pay. I am heartbroken at the thought that they will grow up with a mostly absent father and know that he hates the idea of not being present. He is a great father. Not a great husband. I am so afriad that if I end things now I will feel guilt for the rest of my life for not having tried more but I am really unhappy in our marriage.
Met husband abroad in a country with a lot of cheating. Married 4 years with a two year old and a newborn. After two year old was born decided together to move to the US together. I moved back when six months pregnant to look for a job and to avoid having the baby abroad (not good health care in the country we lived in). I found out a few days before he was supposed to come to the US (a week before my due date) that he was cheating on me since I had left with a woman he met at work. Decided to have him come to participate in birth and figure things out.
After arriving he continued the relationship with the woman for another month, and then continued to try and be "friends" for an additional month. He, on his own, finally decided it was a bad idea and ended it. I found this out via his phone records shortly after he really ended it - he called her up and let me listen and it was clear that this was the case. He has let me have access to all phone/computer, ect, has agreed to go to marriage counseling and answered all of my questions. However throughout all of this he has repeatedly lied to me and I am having a hard time trusting him. Over the weekend, I agreed to let him go out and hit the town on his own, and found out he went to a strip club. I don't like that he did so, but don't have huge issues with strip clubs, but the fact that he lied about it just makes me feel like having a relationship with him is hopeless. I think in part the lying in a cultural thing - where he is from lying is much more normal, there isn't the c oncept of an "honest" relationship like in the US.
If we separate he has to move back abroad as he is not a US citizen. He might see our kids once/year and only if I help pay. I am heartbroken at the thought that they will grow up with a mostly absent father and know that he hates the idea of not being present. He is a great father. Not a great husband. I am so afriad that if I end things now I will feel guilt for the rest of my life for not having tried more but I am really unhappy in our marriage.
Put the internet to work for you.
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