Need advice

My wife and I are going through a difficult time. Been togeather 16 years and married 11 years. We have 3 kids the youngest is 9. She is a sahm for most of it.

Now I'm not going to go back and list every thing that has transpired in that time but just the latest and what seems to be most stressing. We are seeing a counselor today for these differences. Tomorrow she isn't seeing a different one for one on one.

First let me start of by saying last week during sex (which wasn't good) and she had an alcohol buzz so usually people are honest then she told me that she loves me but is not in love with me. She later said what she meant to say was that she is not in love with some of things I do.

I've made some mistakes lately due to my frustrations. A month ago or so during an argument I took some of her clothes and threw them outside. I did bring them back in and later apologized. I also have been saying not so nice things which I regret also.

Why I'm upset is we argue a lot about intimacy. We've always had a good sex life but lately we are not on the same page. I try talking about it with her and it doesn't make a difference now she just won't talk about it.

I'm 39 she is 42.

I've asked her for more foreplay , to not ask me to have sex but just show me by her actions. I mean kinda makes it less attractive when she says it. Its like a chore for her. When we do it she takes her hands and like stops me from kissing her all over and at times I feel is blocking me which is weird. She doesn't look at me says she can't focus that close. Kissing is not so much. She sometimes talks about other things than the love making we are suppose to be having. She only wants to do missionary or doggie style. Tells me to finish quicker than I'd like. Won't wear lingerie or rarely will. Says I want sex too much and I've tried to spice things up by may be doing it somewhere other than the bedroom in bed and she doesn't want to. Won't do my favorite position although I've asked several times. What is going on with her ????? I like to cuddle, hold hands , touch and I have to ask her to or I have to do it. She infrequently tells me that she loves me. Never complim ents me yet I compliment her all the time.

Do you think she has fallen out of love with me ?

I know she isn't cheating.

I do take her out on date nights .

I do give her back massages some times.

I'm not lazy
I'm in good shape
Good job
Do the bills, the yard, keep up the cars , some domestic chores when time allows. Don't cook but never have except for grill. I spend time with our kids.

I don't feel appreciated.

I do want to sexually please her but she doesn't seek out her pleasure.

Can this marriage be saved? Cause I'm not happy and she knows it.

She puts the blame on me.

I've tried may be too hard to fix things.

She told her mom and girlfriends that our problems is because all I want is sex that I'm never satisfied. Our best weeks prob. 4 times a week but I think she wants 1 to 2 now.

I'm at a loss. Confused. Am I really the problem or is she the one with issues?

I can't wait for counseling today so I'm posting this.

Anyone else experience this ?


Thank you in advance for any suggestions or thoughts..

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