I've been lurking for a year. Reason is found husband lied about strip club(s) and almost divorced.
Background I'm 49 he's 51 married 25 years. He was my first and only since I was 18. We were crazy young passionate and jealous both, I grew up and so did he. Two kids, both adults living at home while in grad school and college. Great kids.
Problems thru the years - he partied a lot, out all night, lipstick on shirt, wedding ring in pocket, hickeyish Looking thing on neck, not all one night but thru the years. Threw him out after lipstick- he said just met a girl who he knew in bar and she just kinda hugged him - lol I know. I was done in my mind but he wore me down thru the kids and I admit, I still loved him.
Flash forward, I was the queen of spying searching looking etc. He still partied too much but we had a relatively good marriage and I learned to let go for my own sanity. I hated spying and mistrusting. Got to the point where he could do whatever he wanted, out, trips, etc. I trusted.
He did continue to go out, and I trusted. We had a few episodes but nothing I didn't get over after a few days.
Flash forward, I get a text from a friend who wants to know why her husband has been getting texts, emails and naked pictures from back in March (2014) ! Well of course put two and two together and remembered husband was at a conference with said man in March.
Suffice it to say, I went off. He lied when confronted and said they went to a burlesque show. Kept on him, it was a strip club. Now he admits but says no big deal one in awhile. I said where were you when asshat was getting one in one with striker, he said just hanging.
Few months previous he went to bachelor party. Came home said they hit a few bars. Heard him talking to someone else about how they went to strip club. Lied again but I just expressed my disgust at strip club and most especially lying.
So when the latest episode occurred I had really had it. Lied again hid again, I was devastated, which may sound weird, but I was. He treated me like I was making a big deal, but I was ready for divorce. Like you want to be single go be single.
Trickle truth he said no lap dances the last time but at the bachelor it just happened and they all did. I truly was devastated. I come to know they Google what lap dances are how they occur what they entail (I have never been to strip club.) So he admits to one lapdance and falls in his knees begging forgiveness it will never happen again blah and blah. I fell for it.
But, the image of him picking a woman, paying her, breasts in face, naked mAybe who know he won't give details, wake me up every night.
I don't trust him, I hate what he did, I can't get it out of my mind. He's not an affair man, maybe an opportunity man? I want to go back to trust and if it happens again it's over but I'm literally eating up inside. I've lost over twenty pounds, thAti didnot need lose. I'm in shape and fit and slim but certainly not like the twenty year old he chose to grind him.
So men's clubhouse (women and men help me) where do I go from here. I knows u say no big deal but it's obviously killing me so its a big deal to me.
Sounds so lame in comparison to the stories I've read here but you guys are so awesome and I really think you may give me perspective .
Background I'm 49 he's 51 married 25 years. He was my first and only since I was 18. We were crazy young passionate and jealous both, I grew up and so did he. Two kids, both adults living at home while in grad school and college. Great kids.
Problems thru the years - he partied a lot, out all night, lipstick on shirt, wedding ring in pocket, hickeyish Looking thing on neck, not all one night but thru the years. Threw him out after lipstick- he said just met a girl who he knew in bar and she just kinda hugged him - lol I know. I was done in my mind but he wore me down thru the kids and I admit, I still loved him.
Flash forward, I was the queen of spying searching looking etc. He still partied too much but we had a relatively good marriage and I learned to let go for my own sanity. I hated spying and mistrusting. Got to the point where he could do whatever he wanted, out, trips, etc. I trusted.
He did continue to go out, and I trusted. We had a few episodes but nothing I didn't get over after a few days.
Flash forward, I get a text from a friend who wants to know why her husband has been getting texts, emails and naked pictures from back in March (2014) ! Well of course put two and two together and remembered husband was at a conference with said man in March.
Suffice it to say, I went off. He lied when confronted and said they went to a burlesque show. Kept on him, it was a strip club. Now he admits but says no big deal one in awhile. I said where were you when asshat was getting one in one with striker, he said just hanging.
Few months previous he went to bachelor party. Came home said they hit a few bars. Heard him talking to someone else about how they went to strip club. Lied again but I just expressed my disgust at strip club and most especially lying.
So when the latest episode occurred I had really had it. Lied again hid again, I was devastated, which may sound weird, but I was. He treated me like I was making a big deal, but I was ready for divorce. Like you want to be single go be single.
Trickle truth he said no lap dances the last time but at the bachelor it just happened and they all did. I truly was devastated. I come to know they Google what lap dances are how they occur what they entail (I have never been to strip club.) So he admits to one lapdance and falls in his knees begging forgiveness it will never happen again blah and blah. I fell for it.
But, the image of him picking a woman, paying her, breasts in face, naked mAybe who know he won't give details, wake me up every night.
I don't trust him, I hate what he did, I can't get it out of my mind. He's not an affair man, maybe an opportunity man? I want to go back to trust and if it happens again it's over but I'm literally eating up inside. I've lost over twenty pounds, thAti didnot need lose. I'm in shape and fit and slim but certainly not like the twenty year old he chose to grind him.
So men's clubhouse (women and men help me) where do I go from here. I knows u say no big deal but it's obviously killing me so its a big deal to me.
Sounds so lame in comparison to the stories I've read here but you guys are so awesome and I really think you may give me perspective .
Put the internet to work for you.
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