My husband had an EA 2.5 years ago. As much as I know, it was an EA. She was/is single. After two D-days on my part, it has been supposedly no contact. In the past couple of years, I have come up with some (infrequent) evidence of OW attempting to call him, twice, although he claimed they were just hang-up calls on his work voicemail. One piece of evidence of her referring a case to him (they are both lawyers).
The whole EA incident has been rugswept. My husband refused marriage counseling. I didn't feel like pushing it. On the surface of things we are reconciled. But deep down a resentment grew in me. I should mention that I harbored other resentment of his emotional/verbal abuse of me when our son (now 9) was very young. That treatment pretty much stopped once our son could express himself and his needs. But as a busy lawyer, H doesn't spend tons of time at home to allow for a healthy reconciliation.
The past year or so I have considered whether that affair went underground. I have become obsessed with running internet searches on the OW, and I even purchased a couple of VARs (I posted about that) but have yet to place one in his car. Zero evidence of a burner phone, and I see the other phone records, so I'm not sure the VAR would reveal anything, but it's still an option.
Anyway, to the point of this post-- I found out last week via an internet search that the OW has a baby registry and is due in a few months. The joint registrant listed is another lawyer in the area. I have no indication they are married but they could be and probably are living together.
What surprised me most was my reaction. I felt deflated. Like the wind was taken out of my sails. Like my mission of the past year or more -- to come up with sufficient evidence of a continued affair that I could feel justified leaving H -- is now moot.
I guess it doesn't necessarily mean that my H has no contact with her, but it's much less likely. My reaction must mean that I don't love my husband anymore. And that I wanted an easy way out. At a minimum, I haven't fully opened my heart to him again.
Thanks for letting me vent. I welcome any points of view.
The whole EA incident has been rugswept. My husband refused marriage counseling. I didn't feel like pushing it. On the surface of things we are reconciled. But deep down a resentment grew in me. I should mention that I harbored other resentment of his emotional/verbal abuse of me when our son (now 9) was very young. That treatment pretty much stopped once our son could express himself and his needs. But as a busy lawyer, H doesn't spend tons of time at home to allow for a healthy reconciliation.
The past year or so I have considered whether that affair went underground. I have become obsessed with running internet searches on the OW, and I even purchased a couple of VARs (I posted about that) but have yet to place one in his car. Zero evidence of a burner phone, and I see the other phone records, so I'm not sure the VAR would reveal anything, but it's still an option.
Anyway, to the point of this post-- I found out last week via an internet search that the OW has a baby registry and is due in a few months. The joint registrant listed is another lawyer in the area. I have no indication they are married but they could be and probably are living together.
What surprised me most was my reaction. I felt deflated. Like the wind was taken out of my sails. Like my mission of the past year or more -- to come up with sufficient evidence of a continued affair that I could feel justified leaving H -- is now moot.
I guess it doesn't necessarily mean that my H has no contact with her, but it's much less likely. My reaction must mean that I don't love my husband anymore. And that I wanted an easy way out. At a minimum, I haven't fully opened my heart to him again.
Thanks for letting me vent. I welcome any points of view.
Put the internet to work for you.
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