We've been married for almost 8 years and have one five-year-old child. We are both retired from the military, (44 years combined) my wife has decided to take an undetermined amount of time away from employment and for the past 8 months. Other than getting our child ready for school, helping him with his homework and fixing the occasional meal she basically does as she pleases. As for me, I work typically from 9 a.m. until around 5:30, sometimes later.
Before marriage our sex life was in my opinion hit or miss. My wife, who is about 3 years younger than me, was more experienced in sex. In the beginning she didn't like sex with me, however although outspoken regarding many other things she never told me directly that she didn't like sex with me. I had to learn this from an aunt she at one time routinely confided in. We had discussed on several occasions a routine of sex three times per month, but are back to where we started.
Up until this time I was fairly confident in my sexual prowess, I had been previously married for 13 years and before that had my fair share of sexual encounters with little to no complaints. Sex in our relationship is extremely important to me, I've made numerous attempts to open dialogue between the two of us regarding things I could do to improve our sex life. Each attempt I was practically shut down and left to wonder what I could do to make things better. Over time I expressed the importance of sex was in our relationship and that I was never too proud to be criticized in an effort to make things better in bed.
As I began to dissect what I believe I knew I discovered a few things which remain so today:
1. I am typically the only one who expresses love either by a kiss or simply saying it. If my memory serves me correctly, I can count on one hand how many times she's initiated a simple kiss.
2. I am the one who always initiates sex, nothing fancy about it. The majority of the time I have to wrestle her panties off and take if from there.
3. 90% of the time I engage in oral with zero reciprocation, we've discussed this and she acknowledges it but no action.
4. No passion or romance between the two of us.
Regarding my sexually performance, my wife has shared that things have improved vastly. We have a decent collection of "marital aids" that I've incorporated in our bedroom activities. Through vast amounts of pouring over various sexual aid websites and experimenting to see what she likes we've gone from one orgasm to multiples. I also treat each and every one of our intimate moments as though it is our last.
Our sexual activity ranges from one to three times per month. This just isn't working out for me. We both masturbate, I almost 3 to 4 times per week and from time to time she'll tell me she's masturbated while I was either at work or another part of the house. Last night my wife lay in the bed playing a game on her iPad until some time after 2 a.m. I've told her on a couple of occasions that I've considered cheating in efforts to find someone who can cover my sexual needs. Very recently she shared with a group of couples that she feels secure that I'll never cheat on her. She's also said in the past that her level of sexual desire is predicated on the activities I have with our son.
She's very affectionate with our son, kisses him and expresses how much she loves him. I've told her that an occasional kiss or hear her say that she loves me would mean the world to me, nothing has changed. She in fact was recently very upset and gave me an earful because she felt I played with him a little too roughly. Her point was subconsciously I was trying to hurt him because I knew she loved him more than she loves me. So for now, no more boxing, playing ninja or wrestling, but this is all for a different post.
I don't bring up sex very often, she says I talk about it too much but tonight I've got to express to her that our lack of bedroom activity just isn't working for me. I've done all I can think of to do, nothing has improved. Although emotionally I feel as though I'm in a one-sided relationship I honestly really do love my wife, but am seriously perplexed with what to do here. Outside of counseling I'm not too sure of what's next.
Before marriage our sex life was in my opinion hit or miss. My wife, who is about 3 years younger than me, was more experienced in sex. In the beginning she didn't like sex with me, however although outspoken regarding many other things she never told me directly that she didn't like sex with me. I had to learn this from an aunt she at one time routinely confided in. We had discussed on several occasions a routine of sex three times per month, but are back to where we started.
Up until this time I was fairly confident in my sexual prowess, I had been previously married for 13 years and before that had my fair share of sexual encounters with little to no complaints. Sex in our relationship is extremely important to me, I've made numerous attempts to open dialogue between the two of us regarding things I could do to improve our sex life. Each attempt I was practically shut down and left to wonder what I could do to make things better. Over time I expressed the importance of sex was in our relationship and that I was never too proud to be criticized in an effort to make things better in bed.
As I began to dissect what I believe I knew I discovered a few things which remain so today:
1. I am typically the only one who expresses love either by a kiss or simply saying it. If my memory serves me correctly, I can count on one hand how many times she's initiated a simple kiss.
2. I am the one who always initiates sex, nothing fancy about it. The majority of the time I have to wrestle her panties off and take if from there.
3. 90% of the time I engage in oral with zero reciprocation, we've discussed this and she acknowledges it but no action.
4. No passion or romance between the two of us.
Regarding my sexually performance, my wife has shared that things have improved vastly. We have a decent collection of "marital aids" that I've incorporated in our bedroom activities. Through vast amounts of pouring over various sexual aid websites and experimenting to see what she likes we've gone from one orgasm to multiples. I also treat each and every one of our intimate moments as though it is our last.
Our sexual activity ranges from one to three times per month. This just isn't working out for me. We both masturbate, I almost 3 to 4 times per week and from time to time she'll tell me she's masturbated while I was either at work or another part of the house. Last night my wife lay in the bed playing a game on her iPad until some time after 2 a.m. I've told her on a couple of occasions that I've considered cheating in efforts to find someone who can cover my sexual needs. Very recently she shared with a group of couples that she feels secure that I'll never cheat on her. She's also said in the past that her level of sexual desire is predicated on the activities I have with our son.
She's very affectionate with our son, kisses him and expresses how much she loves him. I've told her that an occasional kiss or hear her say that she loves me would mean the world to me, nothing has changed. She in fact was recently very upset and gave me an earful because she felt I played with him a little too roughly. Her point was subconsciously I was trying to hurt him because I knew she loved him more than she loves me. So for now, no more boxing, playing ninja or wrestling, but this is all for a different post.
I don't bring up sex very often, she says I talk about it too much but tonight I've got to express to her that our lack of bedroom activity just isn't working for me. I've done all I can think of to do, nothing has improved. Although emotionally I feel as though I'm in a one-sided relationship I honestly really do love my wife, but am seriously perplexed with what to do here. Outside of counseling I'm not too sure of what's next.
Put the internet to work for you.
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