I chose to leave my husband of 7+ years because we had become totally disconnected. We were roommates. He was not invested in the relationship at all. Birthdays, anniversaries, etc came and went without an acknowledgement - card, gift, nothing. We no longer went out. I can't remember the last time we laughed and had fun. He comes home from work and we sit on the couch and watch TV. Same on the weekends, pretty much. The only time we do anything is if I suggest it, make the plans and most often, feel like I'm dragging him there.
I tried talking to him about it on many occasions (although I'll admit I'm not great at communication or confrontation). He didn't take me seriously. After all, we weren't screaming at each other, we weren't hitting each other, everything seemed quite peaceful to him (he's a police officer so he sees the worst in humanity daily).
On top of all this, when he does talk its all negative and ranting about the world and just in general, tends to assume the worst in people (again, I think that goes with the job). That was sucking me dry - I absorbed all his stress and turned it into my own.
So I left. Rented a condo and left our home. That was 3 weeks ago. He's begged me to come back. He's taken a few early steps to show me that he hears me now and he's changing. He has broken down and agreed that he didn't take me seriously - didn't LISTEN. But now he wants to. Now when I see him he does listen and its fantastic. I feel like I'm getting the old "him" back. The person I fell in love with. He's gone to get some personal counselling (something he adamantly refused to do in the past) and now he's even getting us a marriage counsellor.
Is there hope? And if so, how soon do I wait before moving back? I really hate being away from my home, my pets, etc. I hate starting the separation process of getting the lawyers involved to separate our assets. I'm hestitating in doing it, but at the same time I realize its so early, how do I know this new behavior will stick? It would be even harder if I move back and then we end up right where we were since he figures he doesn't have to try anymore.
Advice from anyone who's reconciled or tried to reconcile?
I tried talking to him about it on many occasions (although I'll admit I'm not great at communication or confrontation). He didn't take me seriously. After all, we weren't screaming at each other, we weren't hitting each other, everything seemed quite peaceful to him (he's a police officer so he sees the worst in humanity daily).
On top of all this, when he does talk its all negative and ranting about the world and just in general, tends to assume the worst in people (again, I think that goes with the job). That was sucking me dry - I absorbed all his stress and turned it into my own.
So I left. Rented a condo and left our home. That was 3 weeks ago. He's begged me to come back. He's taken a few early steps to show me that he hears me now and he's changing. He has broken down and agreed that he didn't take me seriously - didn't LISTEN. But now he wants to. Now when I see him he does listen and its fantastic. I feel like I'm getting the old "him" back. The person I fell in love with. He's gone to get some personal counselling (something he adamantly refused to do in the past) and now he's even getting us a marriage counsellor.
Is there hope? And if so, how soon do I wait before moving back? I really hate being away from my home, my pets, etc. I hate starting the separation process of getting the lawyers involved to separate our assets. I'm hestitating in doing it, but at the same time I realize its so early, how do I know this new behavior will stick? It would be even harder if I move back and then we end up right where we were since he figures he doesn't have to try anymore.
Advice from anyone who's reconciled or tried to reconcile?
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