First, I am grateful for this forum. It shows me that I'm not alone in all my no-fun feelings.
Second, I should say that I have decided my H is a serial cheater. I have never discovered a PA but cyberA's and numerous EAs over the last 6 years. I feel most certain there probably has been a PA or I rained on his parade right before it happened. Less than a year ago I had downloaded divorce papers and was on the edge but my H talked me down. I don't know why I stayed but I'm waiting for one more CA or EA and he's out. I have fully decided. I still have the divorce papers on my computer. I don't trust him one bit anymore. I'm tired of always watching my back but I know it's coming. Why am I waiting until then? I don't know. 3 kids, I guess. Also, I think it's because I feel like it has to be something monumental that has happened recently and I've waited too long since his last major incident that I have to stick it out until the next. I know that's dumb...you don't have to tell me. I wish it was salvageable but a 6 year track record has dashed those dreams no matter how much I want it to work.
Anyway, this is leading to me say my H promised many times in the past to not contact certain women he has had a sexual past with if I promised to not speak to the men from my past. I have held up my end of the bargain. However, he broke his many times with a couple of women. I even tried the "I don't care if you talk to them as long as I can see exactly what you talk about" and I meant it at the time but he would delete them & verbally tell me his version so that fell through. There is one, specifically, that he claims to have only had sex with once in his younger years (she was 5 years younger than him & a teen at the time) & she was nothing more than a f*ck buddy who wanted him way more than he wanted her but he has secretly contacted her many times. He also told me she is "crazy" (but I've learned the ones he speaks the worst about are the ones I have to watch out for). He secretly messaged her the night before we went to the hospital to have our 7 month old son just to tell her he was having a boy and ask her how she's been doing but he made sure to delete it right after--purposely hiding it. Her responses were average congratulatory replies--nothing that I would get pissed over under normal circumstances. I've recently discovered him searching her name on porn sites and searching for her on Facebook. Seeing as how it's been over 6 years, I would consider this an obsession. I definitely don't understand this. Can anyone give me any insight to this because every time I see it, I am dumbfounded. I guess I'm curious because it's always the same one despite there being a few OW he could continue to do high quality "research" on.
Just a tidbit of info: I blocked her number years ago so they can't text anymore. She got married a couple years ago and had a kid too so she's relatively unavailable. Of all his EA, this is one he's held on to the longest. Also no, I haven't confronted him about it and don't plan to because in the past it has left me with no answers and a stealthier H.
Second, I should say that I have decided my H is a serial cheater. I have never discovered a PA but cyberA's and numerous EAs over the last 6 years. I feel most certain there probably has been a PA or I rained on his parade right before it happened. Less than a year ago I had downloaded divorce papers and was on the edge but my H talked me down. I don't know why I stayed but I'm waiting for one more CA or EA and he's out. I have fully decided. I still have the divorce papers on my computer. I don't trust him one bit anymore. I'm tired of always watching my back but I know it's coming. Why am I waiting until then? I don't know. 3 kids, I guess. Also, I think it's because I feel like it has to be something monumental that has happened recently and I've waited too long since his last major incident that I have to stick it out until the next. I know that's dumb...you don't have to tell me. I wish it was salvageable but a 6 year track record has dashed those dreams no matter how much I want it to work.
Anyway, this is leading to me say my H promised many times in the past to not contact certain women he has had a sexual past with if I promised to not speak to the men from my past. I have held up my end of the bargain. However, he broke his many times with a couple of women. I even tried the "I don't care if you talk to them as long as I can see exactly what you talk about" and I meant it at the time but he would delete them & verbally tell me his version so that fell through. There is one, specifically, that he claims to have only had sex with once in his younger years (she was 5 years younger than him & a teen at the time) & she was nothing more than a f*ck buddy who wanted him way more than he wanted her but he has secretly contacted her many times. He also told me she is "crazy" (but I've learned the ones he speaks the worst about are the ones I have to watch out for). He secretly messaged her the night before we went to the hospital to have our 7 month old son just to tell her he was having a boy and ask her how she's been doing but he made sure to delete it right after--purposely hiding it. Her responses were average congratulatory replies--nothing that I would get pissed over under normal circumstances. I've recently discovered him searching her name on porn sites and searching for her on Facebook. Seeing as how it's been over 6 years, I would consider this an obsession. I definitely don't understand this. Can anyone give me any insight to this because every time I see it, I am dumbfounded. I guess I'm curious because it's always the same one despite there being a few OW he could continue to do high quality "research" on.
Just a tidbit of info: I blocked her number years ago so they can't text anymore. She got married a couple years ago and had a kid too so she's relatively unavailable. Of all his EA, this is one he's held on to the longest. Also no, I haven't confronted him about it and don't plan to because in the past it has left me with no answers and a stealthier H.
Put the internet to work for you.
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