I just read over some of my old posts; and it is the same old story. I do not know why it took me so long to accept what needs to happen. My husband and I tried counselling one more time to see if we/I could do this. He has been wanting to get back together for a year and I have been floundering not sure what to do; afraid of the outcome; afraid for my children. But since we have been getting along so well and we have 20 plus years invested in the marriage, I thought it was a good decision.
At the counselor this past Friday, she talked to him about his lying issues. For ten minutes. He promised he was done with that and he was now an open book; I could ask him anything. So in the car I again asked him about his relationship with the co-worker that he had sworn was EA only. I told him that two adults would not have had sex with how much they talked to each other. He swore to me three times that he didn't do anything but "feel her up" promised me he was done lying. I kept asking and then he finally came clean. Yes; they had had sex but "only ten times." As dumb as this sounds, I was shocked he admitted this to me. I was holding onto the fact that nothing happened. So dumb and if anyone was in my situation, I would have told them to get out years ago; this couldn't be true. And it isn't true and I get it now.
A tiny part of me has been holding onto the thought that it never went physical, he was just helping her, listening to her, etc. That is what made me want to reconcile. But all these years-almost four now-it wasn't true.
I wish the divorce would have gone through when I first moved away; almost four years ago. I have wasted so much time and energy believing in something that wasn't even there. Questioning my decision to move my younger children away from him; feeling so guilty about all of this. The worst part was when I told him how selfish it was that he put my health at risk by screwing her that he then confessed that she was tested for STD's before they even started. So the methodical planning of this whole situation blows my mind. It was planned. It wasn't a mistake or whatever.
I did not know who I was married to. He got away for this for a year that I can prove, but they were close for 3 years so I am looking at this with open eyes finally and accepting that it was 3 years. I never would have guessed that this man would do this to me.
Anyway, finally I am clear and not going back and forth on what I need to do. I am surprised though how hurt I feel today and it almost feels like I have been slammed back to D-Day 1. But I didn't have all the information; wait; I did; but wanted to deny that my husband would cheat on me.
So I think I win the prize on TAM for hanging on as long as I did and waffling on what I wanted to do and allowing him to treat me like this. Thank God I can move on now. Mediation is scheduled for May and the trial date is September. I am asking my lawyer if things can be moved up so we will see. I am still scared of what the future holds, but I will no longer be treated like this and this decision feels right.
At the counselor this past Friday, she talked to him about his lying issues. For ten minutes. He promised he was done with that and he was now an open book; I could ask him anything. So in the car I again asked him about his relationship with the co-worker that he had sworn was EA only. I told him that two adults would not have had sex with how much they talked to each other. He swore to me three times that he didn't do anything but "feel her up" promised me he was done lying. I kept asking and then he finally came clean. Yes; they had had sex but "only ten times." As dumb as this sounds, I was shocked he admitted this to me. I was holding onto the fact that nothing happened. So dumb and if anyone was in my situation, I would have told them to get out years ago; this couldn't be true. And it isn't true and I get it now.
A tiny part of me has been holding onto the thought that it never went physical, he was just helping her, listening to her, etc. That is what made me want to reconcile. But all these years-almost four now-it wasn't true.
I wish the divorce would have gone through when I first moved away; almost four years ago. I have wasted so much time and energy believing in something that wasn't even there. Questioning my decision to move my younger children away from him; feeling so guilty about all of this. The worst part was when I told him how selfish it was that he put my health at risk by screwing her that he then confessed that she was tested for STD's before they even started. So the methodical planning of this whole situation blows my mind. It was planned. It wasn't a mistake or whatever.
I did not know who I was married to. He got away for this for a year that I can prove, but they were close for 3 years so I am looking at this with open eyes finally and accepting that it was 3 years. I never would have guessed that this man would do this to me.
Anyway, finally I am clear and not going back and forth on what I need to do. I am surprised though how hurt I feel today and it almost feels like I have been slammed back to D-Day 1. But I didn't have all the information; wait; I did; but wanted to deny that my husband would cheat on me.
So I think I win the prize on TAM for hanging on as long as I did and waffling on what I wanted to do and allowing him to treat me like this. Thank God I can move on now. Mediation is scheduled for May and the trial date is September. I am asking my lawyer if things can be moved up so we will see. I am still scared of what the future holds, but I will no longer be treated like this and this decision feels right.
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