My husband and I got married after knowing each other for a month, and immediately moved in together this year, at 20 years old. I can honestly say I learned love at first sight was real when I saw him and he felt the same. We spent two weeks together following the first day we met. (He's military and I moved to where he is stationed) In the beginning I told my family we were married, but he wouldn't tell his for 6 months. He said they would be mad at him, and probably never talk to him again. I dealt with it, but it really upset me because I already felt like we were getting off to a bad start full of lies. We even spent a week visiting his parents, and they visited here a week, and he still wouldn't tell them. I haven't really had the best relationship with my family as both my parents have been in and out of jail, prison, and rehab. But I'd rather tell them and them be upset for a while, than not share my happiness with them. During the time between wh en my husband and I met and the time we got married, my dad was diagnosed with cancer so family was sort of magnified to me at that time..
Around 4 months into the marriage my husband told me I should go home and see my family. I was distraught over some other problems we had going on, we just didn't know how to respect or handle each other. I ended up going to the bar with some friends, and at some point in the night I believe I was slipped something in my drink. I was told that I could still walk and talk but was acting way out of character. I really honestly truly don't remember much at all and I want to start by saying that. I'm positive we were intimate from how I felt when I woke up the next day. I woke up at friends and don't really even remember being where I was. I wasn't really sure what to say to the guy, as I wasn't sure if he was the one who slipped me something or if it was someone else. I felt taken advantage of, but I really didn't even want to deal with the drama that could come with handling all that. All I knew was that I didn't want my marriage to end, and I had to handle things accordingly. I immediately cut off contact with the person I slept with. My husband was already questioning me over some pictures that were posted online and I was instantly scared. I couldn't bring myself to tell him, and I didn't until yesterday. I'll get to that in a few minutes though.
I cheated willingly and coherently, and still not sober in October after being sent home by him to stay with my mother because my husband couldn't deal well with my depression, and didn't want to. Over the drive to my home state, I asked to go home twice. My husband was picking up a friend who was going to stay with us for a while, and said he didn't have room to take me back and that I would just have to go. I told him I knew something bad was going to happen and I really didn't want to. He just kept telling me it was only a month and I had to go. A friend picked me up from restaurant half way between where my husband grew up and where I did, and we had drinks once we got home. That led to my cheating. I knew I had done wrong but it took me the majority of the following day to tell my husband, just because I knew how it was going to end.
(It took me two days to cut of contact with this partner, because although there weren't promises made or any talk of a relationship I did choose to sleep with this person and I was trying to figure out why. Ultimately I concluded it was just out of hurt. And also that he was not a good person. I was never considering being with him, though.)
Sorry if this skips around a lot, I haven't slept and I'm just trying to make sure I get all of the information out on the table so someone can maybe help to guide me here.
Back to my husband and what happened after I confessed.
Of course he was full of many emotions and none of them were good. He delivered many hateful blows as I tried to fix things immediately. At that point I still didn't realize how wrong I was. It took about a week and a half for me to realize texting him and begging him, and calling him and crying wasn't going to help matters. I spent the time thinking over how I could change and the person I'd become and really just doing a lot of hard reflecting. Almost exactly a month later, he called and asked me to come home. Three days later, I got a ride back here. When I walked in the door it was pretty much as if nothing had changed. There was no build up to intimacy, we were regularly having sex and sleeping in the same bed every night. We even went on dates. About a week after I returned home my husband got a text from one of his ex's, and I questioned him about it. He had informed me that he'd been with someone else while I was gone, but he said he'd ceased contact with her and that she was no one he was friends with, ever close with, or knew basically. Now, this ex was pretty serious he dated her while she was pregnant (with twins that weren't his) and visited her in the hospital after she had them. He never really told me why things ended, and I never really pushed to find out.
Following him receiving the text, it took him almost a full day to tell ME that his ex was actually the person that he'd been with. And that they'd spent time together more than once, but only slept together once during that time. He told me he didn't want to tell me until I got here, because he didn't think I'd come back if he told me. (Honestly, it would have taken some time for me to get over, but I still would have.) He said he was planning to tell me, he just couldn't find the right time. I didn't fully believe him but I had no way of knowing so I just went with my gut.
I jumped to a lot of conclusions but kept most of them to myself, prominently I wondered if things just hadn't worked out with her again and that's why he asked me back. Because there really wasn't much explanation as to what changed his mind... He blocked her number and assured me he loved me and wanted nothing to do with her. And eventually I let it go.
This was after returning home November 1, 2014. We really moved on like almost nothing happened. My cheating and his ex were brought up less and less. I really feel that we've gained a lot of trust and respect for each other during this time. I can genuinely say I've fallen more in love with him than I was before or knew possible in the past 3-4 months. I got a good job, I started being a lot more responsible about the past, I cut out toxic friendships, I've even quit smoking cigarettes because he said he'd leave me if he didn't. I've enrolled in school again through a military program. I've been working a lot on coping with my depression and anxiety. I truly believe that I've become a completely different person. I don't even recognize that person who did those things to hurt her husband anymore. I could never imagine doing that to him now. But that secret I was keeping from him ate at me all this time, the guilt just got to be too much.
Yesterday we were at lunch and my stomach just instantly froze up, I couldn't eat a single bite of my food and I knew it was time to tell him. I got part of the story out, but I couldn't tell him the full truth right then. I'd just told him I was drugged and not myself and things happened that I don't remember. I had to go to work directly following lunch, and he didn't even bring up what we'd talked about by the time I got home. His only reaction was I kind of deserved for it to happen for being reckless and going to the bar in the first place. The night went on, and we spend some time together and went to bed. As I was laying there, holding him, it hit me that I had to get the rest of the truth out. I knew it may hurt him but I couldn't decieve him any longer. I told him, and he obviously freaked out. He said that he wasn't even mad, that I had just completely broken his heart. And why didn't I tell him when it happened? My first question for him was if he was going to leav e me. He said the only reason he would probably stay with me was for me to get my education and get a good job for myself. I proceeded to tell him that I have never wanted any benefits from him, I'm not one of those "greedy military spouses" that only marry for benefits and don't care about their husband.
I tried my best to explain to him why I hadn't told him sooner. I told him that I wasn't that person anymore, and that deep down he had to know that. I told him that I believed everything before we reconciled should be in the past because we weren't telling people we were married, and that really caused us to not act like it. That I didn't expect him to forget, but I hoped he could forgive because I truly do love him. I was as accountable for my actions as I could be, and tried my best to be understanding of how he felt at the same time. I just wanted to get out what I felt was important to say. He didn't have much response to the things I was saying except for "no" and "okay" but he didn't tell me he was leaving me either.
He allowed me to sleep in our bed with him but we were as far apart as we could be and both lie awake for a long time.
This morning he left for work and I texted him and told him to drive safe and have a good day as always. But I didn't include that I love him because I don't think he believes me anymore, and I don't know if I should say it right now.
I really love him. He's become my best friend and I am truly in love with him. I realize more and more every day how much I want him to be apart of my life. I would be financially okay without him, I could get an education elsewhere, and either parent would let me come home to stay until I got back on my feet. But I don't want to be without him at all.
Yes, I hurt him twice. But I do believe that I deserve a second chance, or would this be a third?
I guess I just need some advice and opinions. There's no way I can go back and handle the situation differently. But if there's any chance of saving this, I have to. Because I won't be happy without him, and I don't want to marry again. I've had that decided for a long time, due to the way I grew up. I know that I'm young but I also know that I've been through a lot for my age, and I know what real love is and I know that this is the life that I want. I'm completely dedicated to being a wife now, and I have made all the changes I've needed to make, and even things I didn't need to do to keep my husband.
Although I kept this from him for a long time, am I at least right in telling him? And would you take someone back given these circumstances if you could put yourself in either of our shoes?
What should I do for the time being? Should I keep working even though he could send me home any day? Or would it be better to put in a two weeks notice now? Should I cancel my classes? Should I try to talk things out with him or let him come to me? I don't think there's any point in continuing the life I'm living if I could be ripped from it any day. But if I stop doing these things I feel like I'll have no chance with him because I'll go back to that depressed girl who eventually got reckless and drug me into all of this in the first place.
Opinions, comments, anything is welcome.
Sorry this was so lengthy. I felt the full story was important.
Around 4 months into the marriage my husband told me I should go home and see my family. I was distraught over some other problems we had going on, we just didn't know how to respect or handle each other. I ended up going to the bar with some friends, and at some point in the night I believe I was slipped something in my drink. I was told that I could still walk and talk but was acting way out of character. I really honestly truly don't remember much at all and I want to start by saying that. I'm positive we were intimate from how I felt when I woke up the next day. I woke up at friends and don't really even remember being where I was. I wasn't really sure what to say to the guy, as I wasn't sure if he was the one who slipped me something or if it was someone else. I felt taken advantage of, but I really didn't even want to deal with the drama that could come with handling all that. All I knew was that I didn't want my marriage to end, and I had to handle things accordingly. I immediately cut off contact with the person I slept with. My husband was already questioning me over some pictures that were posted online and I was instantly scared. I couldn't bring myself to tell him, and I didn't until yesterday. I'll get to that in a few minutes though.
I cheated willingly and coherently, and still not sober in October after being sent home by him to stay with my mother because my husband couldn't deal well with my depression, and didn't want to. Over the drive to my home state, I asked to go home twice. My husband was picking up a friend who was going to stay with us for a while, and said he didn't have room to take me back and that I would just have to go. I told him I knew something bad was going to happen and I really didn't want to. He just kept telling me it was only a month and I had to go. A friend picked me up from restaurant half way between where my husband grew up and where I did, and we had drinks once we got home. That led to my cheating. I knew I had done wrong but it took me the majority of the following day to tell my husband, just because I knew how it was going to end.
(It took me two days to cut of contact with this partner, because although there weren't promises made or any talk of a relationship I did choose to sleep with this person and I was trying to figure out why. Ultimately I concluded it was just out of hurt. And also that he was not a good person. I was never considering being with him, though.)
Sorry if this skips around a lot, I haven't slept and I'm just trying to make sure I get all of the information out on the table so someone can maybe help to guide me here.
Back to my husband and what happened after I confessed.
Of course he was full of many emotions and none of them were good. He delivered many hateful blows as I tried to fix things immediately. At that point I still didn't realize how wrong I was. It took about a week and a half for me to realize texting him and begging him, and calling him and crying wasn't going to help matters. I spent the time thinking over how I could change and the person I'd become and really just doing a lot of hard reflecting. Almost exactly a month later, he called and asked me to come home. Three days later, I got a ride back here. When I walked in the door it was pretty much as if nothing had changed. There was no build up to intimacy, we were regularly having sex and sleeping in the same bed every night. We even went on dates. About a week after I returned home my husband got a text from one of his ex's, and I questioned him about it. He had informed me that he'd been with someone else while I was gone, but he said he'd ceased contact with her and that she was no one he was friends with, ever close with, or knew basically. Now, this ex was pretty serious he dated her while she was pregnant (with twins that weren't his) and visited her in the hospital after she had them. He never really told me why things ended, and I never really pushed to find out.
Following him receiving the text, it took him almost a full day to tell ME that his ex was actually the person that he'd been with. And that they'd spent time together more than once, but only slept together once during that time. He told me he didn't want to tell me until I got here, because he didn't think I'd come back if he told me. (Honestly, it would have taken some time for me to get over, but I still would have.) He said he was planning to tell me, he just couldn't find the right time. I didn't fully believe him but I had no way of knowing so I just went with my gut.
I jumped to a lot of conclusions but kept most of them to myself, prominently I wondered if things just hadn't worked out with her again and that's why he asked me back. Because there really wasn't much explanation as to what changed his mind... He blocked her number and assured me he loved me and wanted nothing to do with her. And eventually I let it go.
This was after returning home November 1, 2014. We really moved on like almost nothing happened. My cheating and his ex were brought up less and less. I really feel that we've gained a lot of trust and respect for each other during this time. I can genuinely say I've fallen more in love with him than I was before or knew possible in the past 3-4 months. I got a good job, I started being a lot more responsible about the past, I cut out toxic friendships, I've even quit smoking cigarettes because he said he'd leave me if he didn't. I've enrolled in school again through a military program. I've been working a lot on coping with my depression and anxiety. I truly believe that I've become a completely different person. I don't even recognize that person who did those things to hurt her husband anymore. I could never imagine doing that to him now. But that secret I was keeping from him ate at me all this time, the guilt just got to be too much.
Yesterday we were at lunch and my stomach just instantly froze up, I couldn't eat a single bite of my food and I knew it was time to tell him. I got part of the story out, but I couldn't tell him the full truth right then. I'd just told him I was drugged and not myself and things happened that I don't remember. I had to go to work directly following lunch, and he didn't even bring up what we'd talked about by the time I got home. His only reaction was I kind of deserved for it to happen for being reckless and going to the bar in the first place. The night went on, and we spend some time together and went to bed. As I was laying there, holding him, it hit me that I had to get the rest of the truth out. I knew it may hurt him but I couldn't decieve him any longer. I told him, and he obviously freaked out. He said that he wasn't even mad, that I had just completely broken his heart. And why didn't I tell him when it happened? My first question for him was if he was going to leav e me. He said the only reason he would probably stay with me was for me to get my education and get a good job for myself. I proceeded to tell him that I have never wanted any benefits from him, I'm not one of those "greedy military spouses" that only marry for benefits and don't care about their husband.
I tried my best to explain to him why I hadn't told him sooner. I told him that I wasn't that person anymore, and that deep down he had to know that. I told him that I believed everything before we reconciled should be in the past because we weren't telling people we were married, and that really caused us to not act like it. That I didn't expect him to forget, but I hoped he could forgive because I truly do love him. I was as accountable for my actions as I could be, and tried my best to be understanding of how he felt at the same time. I just wanted to get out what I felt was important to say. He didn't have much response to the things I was saying except for "no" and "okay" but he didn't tell me he was leaving me either.
He allowed me to sleep in our bed with him but we were as far apart as we could be and both lie awake for a long time.
This morning he left for work and I texted him and told him to drive safe and have a good day as always. But I didn't include that I love him because I don't think he believes me anymore, and I don't know if I should say it right now.
I really love him. He's become my best friend and I am truly in love with him. I realize more and more every day how much I want him to be apart of my life. I would be financially okay without him, I could get an education elsewhere, and either parent would let me come home to stay until I got back on my feet. But I don't want to be without him at all.
Yes, I hurt him twice. But I do believe that I deserve a second chance, or would this be a third?
I guess I just need some advice and opinions. There's no way I can go back and handle the situation differently. But if there's any chance of saving this, I have to. Because I won't be happy without him, and I don't want to marry again. I've had that decided for a long time, due to the way I grew up. I know that I'm young but I also know that I've been through a lot for my age, and I know what real love is and I know that this is the life that I want. I'm completely dedicated to being a wife now, and I have made all the changes I've needed to make, and even things I didn't need to do to keep my husband.
Although I kept this from him for a long time, am I at least right in telling him? And would you take someone back given these circumstances if you could put yourself in either of our shoes?
What should I do for the time being? Should I keep working even though he could send me home any day? Or would it be better to put in a two weeks notice now? Should I cancel my classes? Should I try to talk things out with him or let him come to me? I don't think there's any point in continuing the life I'm living if I could be ripped from it any day. But if I stop doing these things I feel like I'll have no chance with him because I'll go back to that depressed girl who eventually got reckless and drug me into all of this in the first place.
Opinions, comments, anything is welcome.
Sorry this was so lengthy. I felt the full story was important.
Put the internet to work for you.
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