It's really hard for me to write this. Anon as I know a few people on here.
Most of my friends would never suspect that I'm actually feeling really lonely in my life right now. I have an active social life, am reasonably outgoing, but am gay (most people in my life know this), and whatever I try, I cannot find a boyfriend. :(
It's actually been many years since I've had any kind of sexual experience with a guy, although having said that, sex isn't what I'm after, instead I really want a boyfriend - a long term relationship.
It doesn't help that most of my friends are straight (but supportive), and my love life is rarely discussed. On the odd occasion that it does, it's some kind of flippant remark 'why are you still single?' I don't know why, but I always give a brief reply that I'm happy being single - even though I'm not - and the topic swiftly moves on to something else.
I live in a small town with no real gay scene (we have 1 gay bar but it's terribly run and isn't an environment conducive to meeting people). I've tried apps like Grindr too, but I've found them to be too focused on casual hookups, which I really don't want.
At the moment I feel like this cycle can never change, and I'm close to breaking point. I've thought about going for one night stands just for a reminder what intimacy, and even being gay, feels like, but I had some pretty awful experiences my last time, and so I'm unwilling to try this.
Sorry for the essay, and I don't expect too many responses - this is sort of a ranting opportunity, although any advice or even just a message if anyone else experiences this, would be welcomed :)
Put the internet to work for you.
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