Hi everyone.
I've been separated from my husband for 6 months, we have a 2 year old daughter.
I want to vent about the fact that everyone else feels like they absolutely have to have a say about my separation/divorce. I get comments like, "Be nice to him, do everything you possibly can to save your marriage, you'll regret it in future if you divorce, don't make such a bold move." (Some background: I lived with his family in a small house, wasn't happy, he would yell at me in front of his family, it was humiliating, and I finally decided to leave that toxic atmosphere. We tried to reconcile because I still love him, asked him to move in to an apartment with me, and he won't leave his mom/brother. So we are on the brink of divorce.)
It just hurts me that people are so quick to pass judgments and make assumptions. My "best" friend always tells me she wants to save my marriage and comes up with weird ideas for me to try...I feel like hitting her over the head and reminding her that I have tried to save my marriage, but I need my husband to try as well. He's dragging his feet and as each day passes my resentment for him grows. He did not put my daughter and I as his priority and I'm tired of putting my life on hold for him. I'm finally moving in to my own place, a rented condo, and instead of being happy for me my best friend just gave me a dry "congrats, where to?" She says she cannot be happy for me because I'm going to be living as a single mom all by myself and my daughter. (Living with parents right now but moving out in two weeks.)
Why do people assume that I have not tried to save my marriage? Many women would not even think about taking him back after his screaming/yelling rampage and trying to kick me out of his house...yet I went to counselling a couple times and wrote him a huge 5 page letter and asked him several times to move in with me in an apartment.
It hurts me to know that I not only lost my husband, but I'm losing a friend. And maybe other friendships too...time will tell. And though I don't want to admit it, what other people say or think about me DOES bother me...but I move forward regardless. It's like making my way through the jungle but all the branches are scratching me painfully as I move through.
I did the Meyer's Briggs Personality test, apparently I'm an ESFJ which is an extrovert-sensing-feeling-judging. It basically means I wear my heart on my sleeve and can't understand displays of unkindness from other people. So I feel like this is partly my fault: I couldn't keep my mouth shut and poured my heart out about my divorce, so now most people feel like they can have their say about my situation. Maybe I just need to not talk about it with anyone anymore.
I'm finally at a place where I have some self respect, I felt like I was living off my parents' charity, but now I am finally standing on my own two feet, using my own dishes, my own furniture, being a mother AND father to my daughter, because I'm getting my own place. I'm proving to myself that I can do it. But instead of being happy for me, my friend is judging me...and I'm sure many others are too but they just won't come out and say it. I get a lot of the "why do you want to move out of your parents house?" Nobody understands. :(
I've been separated from my husband for 6 months, we have a 2 year old daughter.
I want to vent about the fact that everyone else feels like they absolutely have to have a say about my separation/divorce. I get comments like, "Be nice to him, do everything you possibly can to save your marriage, you'll regret it in future if you divorce, don't make such a bold move." (Some background: I lived with his family in a small house, wasn't happy, he would yell at me in front of his family, it was humiliating, and I finally decided to leave that toxic atmosphere. We tried to reconcile because I still love him, asked him to move in to an apartment with me, and he won't leave his mom/brother. So we are on the brink of divorce.)
It just hurts me that people are so quick to pass judgments and make assumptions. My "best" friend always tells me she wants to save my marriage and comes up with weird ideas for me to try...I feel like hitting her over the head and reminding her that I have tried to save my marriage, but I need my husband to try as well. He's dragging his feet and as each day passes my resentment for him grows. He did not put my daughter and I as his priority and I'm tired of putting my life on hold for him. I'm finally moving in to my own place, a rented condo, and instead of being happy for me my best friend just gave me a dry "congrats, where to?" She says she cannot be happy for me because I'm going to be living as a single mom all by myself and my daughter. (Living with parents right now but moving out in two weeks.)
Why do people assume that I have not tried to save my marriage? Many women would not even think about taking him back after his screaming/yelling rampage and trying to kick me out of his house...yet I went to counselling a couple times and wrote him a huge 5 page letter and asked him several times to move in with me in an apartment.
It hurts me to know that I not only lost my husband, but I'm losing a friend. And maybe other friendships too...time will tell. And though I don't want to admit it, what other people say or think about me DOES bother me...but I move forward regardless. It's like making my way through the jungle but all the branches are scratching me painfully as I move through.
I did the Meyer's Briggs Personality test, apparently I'm an ESFJ which is an extrovert-sensing-feeling-judging. It basically means I wear my heart on my sleeve and can't understand displays of unkindness from other people. So I feel like this is partly my fault: I couldn't keep my mouth shut and poured my heart out about my divorce, so now most people feel like they can have their say about my situation. Maybe I just need to not talk about it with anyone anymore.
I'm finally at a place where I have some self respect, I felt like I was living off my parents' charity, but now I am finally standing on my own two feet, using my own dishes, my own furniture, being a mother AND father to my daughter, because I'm getting my own place. I'm proving to myself that I can do it. But instead of being happy for me, my friend is judging me...and I'm sure many others are too but they just won't come out and say it. I get a lot of the "why do you want to move out of your parents house?" Nobody understands. :(
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment