Sorry for the long post before I start
I split with my ex girlfriend (of 4 years) mutually about 8 months ago and not for a bad reason. We were arguing a lot in the last few months and getting on each others nerves so we left things, although we have remained good friends since and not had a long, sustained period of no contact (only June-October). Looking back, I think I was very argumentative for the last few months, and I could possibly have avoided all of this had I kept my cool more than I did. My A2 exams did contribute to me being very stressed around that time, but that isn't an excuse to behave the way I did at times (By the way, nothing physical occured if anyone is thinking that, just verbal but that can be nearly as hurtful I suppose).
I started uni in September, and although I live away from home now I'm only 25 miles away, and when I am home, it hasn't been to unusual for me to go to her house or vice versa and just spend some time chilling with each other. Sometimes we kiss, and that's as far as it's gone when we have seen each other since the breakup. We'll sit with our families, or go to bed, sit with each other and cuddle and just talk about anything, watch films etc. To be honest, I sometimes forget for a few minutes that we're actually seperate. Recently my parents seperated under pretty crap circumstances and she was the first person there for me. As soon as I found out, she was the first person I told and she asked me go to see her. Again, we spent that weekend together pretty much and it was lovely, and helped keep my mind at rest.
Since our breakup I did have a short term girlfriend who I was seeing just for a couple of months, but my ex knew about it. I felt it right to tell her what was going on before it was official. For that period of time, she deleted me off Facebook and blocked me...and when I finally spoke to her again she admitted she couldn't bear to see anything of me with another girl like that. I admitted that the whole time with the short term girlfriend wasn't anything like what we had. I said if anything, it was to 'fill the gap' that she'd left behind. A rebound relationship effectively. I have had a few one night stands at uni, although I haven't mentioned this to her (should I? She hasn't asked). She told me that she's only kissed one other lad since, and that's it...she actually apologised for this as well. This discussion happened on a night out about early December where we bumped into each other, and we weren't apart again for the rest of the night. Later she eventually said 'You still love me don't you?' and I got a bit emotional and poured my heart out to her. We danced together and kissed all night. We arranged to see each other the next day, we did and we acted like we used to again. I went back to uni, we continued to text and eventually she said she thinks we broke up for a reason. Since, I've seen her a couple of times and we've texted sporadically.
I was talking to another girl recently for a couple of weeks, nothing serious just regular texting and snapchats and stuff...anyway only a few days ago my ex sent this girl a friend request on Facebook, and we only have literally 4 mutual friends, the two girls live a good distance away from each other too. I'm not trying to make 2+2= 5, but she's still therefore been taking notice surely?
Then on Saturday, I was back home on a night out and she called me from the city where I'm at uni, hoping I'd be in my halls. Her hotel for her and her friend had been double booked for the night so she wanted to come to my place. Obviously she couldn't, but she still rang at least...she could have easily just got a taxi home in the first place. Then Sunday and tonight we've chatted on the phone to each other for hours, just talking about anything and everything. Tonight we got talking about the arguments towards the end, and I apologised quite a bit...I got a bit choked to be honest.
I'm 100% certain that I love her, and at least part of me always will. To me she's the most perfect, kind and beautiful girl in the world, I love her, her family, everything. Part of me wants to call her, or go see her and tell her exactly how I feel, but I'm scared I'll ruin everything. I've even thought about maybe writing all of my thoughts and feelings down in a letter and sending it to her, as it might be easier for me I dunno (fgs how cheesy is that haha).
Getting with other girls and time away from each other has made me realise how much I love her. Nothing with anyone else is good enough (sounds harsh but it's true).
What the hell do I do? How do you girls work in situations like this? Does some of her behaviour indicate that she has something there for me? Is she waiting for me to make myself clear and tell her everything on my mind? Or do I wait for her to crack even though she might not? I'm so tempted to just bite the bullet, grow a pair and go for it.
She means the world and more to me :o
Put the internet to work for you.
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