For starters, I feel quite embarrassed that I am even considering divorce, as my husband and I have only been married for 6 months, but I'm beyond frustrated and at my wits end. Our arguments about finances and our future are never-ending. I'll try not to write a book, but here's our quick background:
I am 27 and he is 32. He has a 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship, whom I absolutely love and think of her as my own. He makes about $2,000 more than I do a year, but he also pays $5,000 in child support. We agreed on a budget when we opened up a joint account, but he has yet to follow it. I was working full time 40 hours a week, a second job consisting of about 10 hours a week, and also 2-3 meal plans a month on the side (I'm a dietitian) to help increase our income so we can save up to start a family and get a new vehicle. My husband used to always talk about how he wanted us to have a child sooner than later, so my logic is to work hard so we can live comfortably and pay our bills; not luxuriously by any means. No sooner than I save it, he spends it. He love to compete in marathons and while it's a healthy hobby, it gets quite expensive. And it's no biggie for him to spend $200+ on the weekends eating out and going to the movies.
Lately, all we do is argue about money, and he won't agree to see a financial planner. My hours were cut at my full time job and it was changed from a salary position to hourly, so I have been stressed trying to find another full time job while I am still working my additional jobs in the meantime. I've expressed to my husband that him coming home every night telling me about a new race he wants to do in Disneyland or across the country does not help, as I am trying to save while he just wants to spend. His response to me: "It's not my fault that your hours got cut." I know it's not fun to budget, but someone has to keep an eye on the finances because we are not wealthy people by any means. I feel like he's a selfish man; it's all about his hobbies and his wants in life, and I'm just along for the ride to help pay bills.
In addition, when we fight and I try to express my emotions, he acts like a child by being defensive and twisting/manipulating the conversation to make me feel like I'm a terrible person for bringing up my feelings. Right after I tell him how I feel and he blows up, he will come back in the room acting like nothing has happened and say "are you done being mad?," putting the blame all on me. His daughter even said the other day "Daddy, she's your wife and you need to treat her right."--Wow, from a 5 year old that broke my heart. Not to mention, he has only sincerely apologized maybe two or three times in our relationship of five years; the other times are when I ask him if he is even sorry for the things he said/did, and he will reply "I'm sorry if I offended you." I seriously feel that he is bipolar and a child for that matter. And lately, when I say "when we have a child we will need to cut back on (x)," he replies with "IF we have a child; there are not guarantees in life."
I used to cry a lot but now I just feel numb. I truly feel like I'm in this alone. He refuses to go to marriage counseling because he feels like he is doing nothing wrong. And while he is older than me, I feel his maturity level is comparable to that of a 16 year old boy. He won't swallow his pride to admit that he's ever wrong, and he won't give up his toys, hobbies, or football tickets, but he'll sit back and let me work to fund it all; and when I ask for appreciation for my efforts, it turns into a fight. I am not trying to demean him or rub in his face that I make more money, but I feel that he should respect me for wanting to work more to help save for OUR future.
My friends tell me that I am a young, pretty, smart girl who deserves better and can easily find a man who will treat me well because what I am experiencing is not a normal, healthy relationship. I've met with our pastor who married us and did our pre-martial counseling because I was desperate for help and my husband refused to attend counseling. She honestly stated that there is not much more I can offer because he is acting like little boy. I just don't know what to do. I'm scared to cut ties because I will lose my relationship with my stepdaughter, and the thought of having to sell my house and start fresh terrifies me. I know I can make it on my own, but being alone scares me to death because he is all I've ever known. In my heart I feel that he is never going to recognize his faults (and trust me, I have my own), but I just hope and pray every night that he will wake up so he doesn't lose me.
Any advice is greatly appreciated. I'm at my wits end.
I am 27 and he is 32. He has a 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship, whom I absolutely love and think of her as my own. He makes about $2,000 more than I do a year, but he also pays $5,000 in child support. We agreed on a budget when we opened up a joint account, but he has yet to follow it. I was working full time 40 hours a week, a second job consisting of about 10 hours a week, and also 2-3 meal plans a month on the side (I'm a dietitian) to help increase our income so we can save up to start a family and get a new vehicle. My husband used to always talk about how he wanted us to have a child sooner than later, so my logic is to work hard so we can live comfortably and pay our bills; not luxuriously by any means. No sooner than I save it, he spends it. He love to compete in marathons and while it's a healthy hobby, it gets quite expensive. And it's no biggie for him to spend $200+ on the weekends eating out and going to the movies.
Lately, all we do is argue about money, and he won't agree to see a financial planner. My hours were cut at my full time job and it was changed from a salary position to hourly, so I have been stressed trying to find another full time job while I am still working my additional jobs in the meantime. I've expressed to my husband that him coming home every night telling me about a new race he wants to do in Disneyland or across the country does not help, as I am trying to save while he just wants to spend. His response to me: "It's not my fault that your hours got cut." I know it's not fun to budget, but someone has to keep an eye on the finances because we are not wealthy people by any means. I feel like he's a selfish man; it's all about his hobbies and his wants in life, and I'm just along for the ride to help pay bills.
In addition, when we fight and I try to express my emotions, he acts like a child by being defensive and twisting/manipulating the conversation to make me feel like I'm a terrible person for bringing up my feelings. Right after I tell him how I feel and he blows up, he will come back in the room acting like nothing has happened and say "are you done being mad?," putting the blame all on me. His daughter even said the other day "Daddy, she's your wife and you need to treat her right."--Wow, from a 5 year old that broke my heart. Not to mention, he has only sincerely apologized maybe two or three times in our relationship of five years; the other times are when I ask him if he is even sorry for the things he said/did, and he will reply "I'm sorry if I offended you." I seriously feel that he is bipolar and a child for that matter. And lately, when I say "when we have a child we will need to cut back on (x)," he replies with "IF we have a child; there are not guarantees in life."
I used to cry a lot but now I just feel numb. I truly feel like I'm in this alone. He refuses to go to marriage counseling because he feels like he is doing nothing wrong. And while he is older than me, I feel his maturity level is comparable to that of a 16 year old boy. He won't swallow his pride to admit that he's ever wrong, and he won't give up his toys, hobbies, or football tickets, but he'll sit back and let me work to fund it all; and when I ask for appreciation for my efforts, it turns into a fight. I am not trying to demean him or rub in his face that I make more money, but I feel that he should respect me for wanting to work more to help save for OUR future.
My friends tell me that I am a young, pretty, smart girl who deserves better and can easily find a man who will treat me well because what I am experiencing is not a normal, healthy relationship. I've met with our pastor who married us and did our pre-martial counseling because I was desperate for help and my husband refused to attend counseling. She honestly stated that there is not much more I can offer because he is acting like little boy. I just don't know what to do. I'm scared to cut ties because I will lose my relationship with my stepdaughter, and the thought of having to sell my house and start fresh terrifies me. I know I can make it on my own, but being alone scares me to death because he is all I've ever known. In my heart I feel that he is never going to recognize his faults (and trust me, I have my own), but I just hope and pray every night that he will wake up so he doesn't lose me.
Any advice is greatly appreciated. I'm at my wits end.
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