I'm a girl, in my early 20. I'd say I'm pretty, but not stunning (based on what I've been told, opinions of guys.) The problem is I have pretty crippling low self-confidence. I don't really know where it comes from because my parents have never damaged my confidence, I have a small but good group of friends, I'm clever. I know I have the capacity to be fun because I'm the 'funny one' in my group of friends. I know all of this to be true, but somehow still feel quite negatively about myself. Nobody knows the true extent of it. People who meet me think I'm a very confident girl and chatty.
In one day I've had what feels like 2 rejections from guys. One was from a guy who I met at the weekend. Spent over an hour chatting, shared a taxi home (different homes!) he paid for it. Seemed really into me. I liked him because he seemed fun. Was insistent he'd text me. Haven't heard anything since last night other than a txt early this morning where he was checking that I'd got home safe. I know alcohol impairs things and I've done this to guys myself. I know it's not the end of the world, but I feel disappointed.
2nd one is a guy who told me today he wasn't interested. We'd been chatting online...I didn't feel we had much of a connection anyway, so it's more my ego that's hurt more than anything. It was just the way he went about it - I'd asked him a while ago if he was interested and given him a get-out opportunity, which he didn't take. Anyway he told me to stop bothering him and said the reason he'd lost interest was because I wasn't 'fun and flirty' enough and he only wanted sex anyway. Due to my issues, that made me feel quite upset and insecure. I've not had a lot of relationship experience due to past circumstances, but every rejection feels like a blow to my self-esteem. I try and be an outgoing and fun person, but I can't always be the one making the effort. His conversation skills weren't exactly stellar anyhow.
So, long story short, I suppose what I'm asking, might my neediness be putting guys off? I try not to be outwardly too needy, but at the same time I don't want to waste time over nothing. I don't always get rejected, I'd say I reject more than I get rejected, but every time I do it crushes my self-esteem and I worry I'm too boring/not fun enough etc. or just that there's something wrong with me. Guys are often super keen on me to begin with, but seem to lose enthusiasm quickly. If it is me unconsciously putting guys off, how do I pinpoint what it is so I can go about changing it?
Put the internet to work for you.
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