Hi everyone. I'm new to this forum. I'm going to get right into it and explain the situation. A little background about my husband and I. We met in our teens, 16 and 17. We connected and have been together since. We have 3 kids and 16 1/2 years invested, 6 1/2 years married. Fast forward, I gained a lot of weight throughout the years (was always chubby) not just from having children but from overeating and not exercising. I reached 315 lbs when my husband proposed. He told me he loved me as I am and my weight didn't matter. Well after we married, I began to lose weight for my health of course. I got down to 280 lbs and my husband started to get really insecure and downright began to sabotage my efforts. I gained 15 lbs, my fault not his, I know but it's hard without support. Anyway, 2 years ago, I caught him gawking over some lady while we were shopping. I was at the checkout and he went to get something. Since the guy was almost done scann ing our items, I went to call him but he didn't hear me. Some lady passing by made this comment, "I would slap the crap out of him if that were my husband." Well, I had already realized what he was doing and I walked out the store. I felt embarrassed and humiliated. We discussed the matter and let it go. This year I managed to lose 31 more lbs and stand at 249 lbs. I am still a working progress. The issue is he decided to come clean about some feelings he had towards me throughout the years and felt he needed to let it out. He told me this May that for years he stared at other women's bodies because of the way mine looks. He proceeded to say every time he looked at other women was because of the way I looked. He also told me he compared my body parts to theirs specifically my stomach and my butt. In response, I asked, "what do you mean about the way I look?" He said because their stomachs are smaller and he just likes to look. No problem, I look too but I don't compare. I questioned him sabotaging my weight loss efforts if he didn't like my body bigger. His response was that he felt insecure when he noticed other men noticing me. Selfish, I know. He says he doesn't feel this way anymore and that he realized that it's wrong. He has made silly mistakes in the past and I've forgiven him but this has been tough for me. This has left me questioning how he feels about me. It's hard to trust what he says when I feel like he's lied to me for years. I've always been confident and always considered myself beautiful (still do) regardless of my size but this has affected my self esteem a bit. At times, I feel uncomfortable showing myself to him or dressing in front of him. He had never criticized me until he told me these "secrets." How do I move on from these hurtful words? How do I learn to feel comfortable with my body around him? Lastly and most importantly, how do I forgive him? I want to stop feeling hurt over these words. Thank you.
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