to start out, I realize that this notion is mostly petty... I mean, it's just a ring, right? A piece of jewelry. No big deal. And yet somehow it became a declaration of the state of our marriage without me even realizing it.
I know others have made posts about the first time they stopped wearing their wedding rings. Normally during a divorce or separation. But I fit into neither of those categories, for now.
I don't really want this thread to be focused so much on my marriage problems (theres already a thread for that) but rather my choice with my rings. But a little background would be our marriage has been struggling for 2 years now, and we only in the last few months have been doing the real work in counseling together and separate. The main issues are my husband's anger and other things he is dealing with. It's been a very difficult road.
So, the rings. As things grew worse between us I remember a couple times I actually went out into public without wearing any of my wedding rings. I felt kind of bad about it, mostly because I noticed that my husband continued to wear his. Even when I would see pictures others posted of their work trips I would notice he was wearing his ring. Given the circumstances, this actually surprised me. I thought he wasn't. So I began this habit of only wearing my wedding band at all times, and skipped my engagement ring.
Now it's been an entire year since I have worn the diamond ring. Only my plain wedding band gets worn. I didn't really intend for it to be that way... but now it's almost become this symbol of diamond ring=stable marriage. The diamond ring was given out of love and a commitment which I believe has been broken and needs to be repaired, so therefore it doesn't get worn. I wear my wedding band because I am married and I am trying to work on things with him. But now it's been so long that I have this determined feeling of that diamond ring will not be on my finger until (or if) things are ever stable again. Which, they might not be.
So, enter the dilemma. For some reason my mother notices that I haven't been wearing my diamond ring. I don't even see her that often as she lives hours away! And yet she somehow always notices and asks me why I'm not wearing it. No one else notices, only her. I tell her it doesn't fit right now. My sibling's wedding is coming up next month and I am a bridesmaid and my mother specifically asked me to get my ring resized so I could wear it. Sigh. I don't know what to do. It's just a ring, right? Should I just go ahead and wear it for this wedding because who cares? Or should I continue with my decision of not wearing my diamond ring and only my wedding band? I don't think there'd be any close ups in any wedding photos. It seems so silly and insignificant, and yet it seems to be one of the ways I am able to say "no, things are not ok" for myself and to my husband. For some reason this choice makes me feel in control. It was more of a private decision, so I do not want to make a n uproar or cause unnecessary talk amongst family members during the gatherings for the wedding. I don't want to make a statement to others. And yet I feel it might turn into that if my mother is so bothered by it. Or maybe not, since she has been the only one who seems to so fixated on it.
so... tell me, how stupid is my thinking on this? Should I just get over it? Anyone else make similar decisions? Am I putting too much emotion into this dumb ring?
I know others have made posts about the first time they stopped wearing their wedding rings. Normally during a divorce or separation. But I fit into neither of those categories, for now.
I don't really want this thread to be focused so much on my marriage problems (theres already a thread for that) but rather my choice with my rings. But a little background would be our marriage has been struggling for 2 years now, and we only in the last few months have been doing the real work in counseling together and separate. The main issues are my husband's anger and other things he is dealing with. It's been a very difficult road.
So, the rings. As things grew worse between us I remember a couple times I actually went out into public without wearing any of my wedding rings. I felt kind of bad about it, mostly because I noticed that my husband continued to wear his. Even when I would see pictures others posted of their work trips I would notice he was wearing his ring. Given the circumstances, this actually surprised me. I thought he wasn't. So I began this habit of only wearing my wedding band at all times, and skipped my engagement ring.
Now it's been an entire year since I have worn the diamond ring. Only my plain wedding band gets worn. I didn't really intend for it to be that way... but now it's almost become this symbol of diamond ring=stable marriage. The diamond ring was given out of love and a commitment which I believe has been broken and needs to be repaired, so therefore it doesn't get worn. I wear my wedding band because I am married and I am trying to work on things with him. But now it's been so long that I have this determined feeling of that diamond ring will not be on my finger until (or if) things are ever stable again. Which, they might not be.
So, enter the dilemma. For some reason my mother notices that I haven't been wearing my diamond ring. I don't even see her that often as she lives hours away! And yet she somehow always notices and asks me why I'm not wearing it. No one else notices, only her. I tell her it doesn't fit right now. My sibling's wedding is coming up next month and I am a bridesmaid and my mother specifically asked me to get my ring resized so I could wear it. Sigh. I don't know what to do. It's just a ring, right? Should I just go ahead and wear it for this wedding because who cares? Or should I continue with my decision of not wearing my diamond ring and only my wedding band? I don't think there'd be any close ups in any wedding photos. It seems so silly and insignificant, and yet it seems to be one of the ways I am able to say "no, things are not ok" for myself and to my husband. For some reason this choice makes me feel in control. It was more of a private decision, so I do not want to make a n uproar or cause unnecessary talk amongst family members during the gatherings for the wedding. I don't want to make a statement to others. And yet I feel it might turn into that if my mother is so bothered by it. Or maybe not, since she has been the only one who seems to so fixated on it.
so... tell me, how stupid is my thinking on this? Should I just get over it? Anyone else make similar decisions? Am I putting too much emotion into this dumb ring?
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