Okay, a little background: we have been married for six months on december 6th, before that, we have known eachother for almost three years? Im in my late teens and he is in his late twenties. We are from different cultures and i currently live in his country with his parents. My parents and siblings moved back to the UK, my home country, less than a month after I was married. I had a lot of issues with my dad, who would beat me up and kinda locked me in and didnt let me do much. I was a depressed teenager and self harmed. Been clean for maybe one and a half years, but I still think about it. The sex is maybe three to four times a week, sometimes more, and apart from some pain on my behalf (we are working on that) it is great sex. I have always been an introvert. Dont really feel comfortable around people, prefer my own company, dont like going out and I avoid anything new at all costs, esp if it is outside and involves meeting new people.
Our marriage started out great, But then the fights began. We fight every week or two. Huge fights. It is always my fault. I keep forgetting little things to do around the house like make sure his clothes for work are ironed or pick up the scrap of paper he dropped under the bed the other day. He feels like I dont really want to learn to be a better housewife and I am not really open to change. I have found his family very different to mine and I am struggling to fit in and still feel very awkard. He says he always imagined his wife being so ambitious and doing so many different things. I used to want to be a writer, a therapist of some sort, a mother, a housewife and study my religion properly and maybe even become more religious. I am not sure what happened but I dont really have ambitions anymore. I just dont really want to do much in life other than what is neccessary in my home like cooking and cleaning and laundry and then I just want to relax with some tv or my phone. He loathes that.
I feel like he is constantly comparing me to his mother and sisters who have all been married for years with kids and his brothers' wives. And I cant be compared to them. We are not the same and I am so much younger than them it just doesnt make sense. He said I should be like them more and try to learn from and do what they do because that is what makes him happy and I am like why did you marry me then I was so obviously not like your family? I feel like no matter how hard I try I will never be good enough for him but he reassures me and says that he sees my efforts and appreciates them and I can be like them and better. He thinks it is crazy how I dont get a fight in me and try so hard to be better and I just dont really care or have the fight in me.
I want to change but I dont have any fight in me, I care about him and I dont want to loose him yet I still cant manage to pull myself together and work on being better for me then for him. I do admit that I am wrong in so many things and that i will change but then i just stop. I have changed already for the better but I am still far away from being what I am supposed to be. All these fights are taking a toll on me and I have found my confidence to have completely gone and I am very insecure especially when it comes to my husband.
Tonight, I made him cry. I have never seen him cry and it really hit me that I am too hurting him, not only myself, that he is still in love with me despite him saying he feels like marrying me was a mistake and maybe I am too young and he shouldnt have come to me. I told him I dont want him to live like this and I will try and change. But I dont want to change myself completely for him. is that selfish?
When we arent fighting, we are so happy, we laugh and joke, we spend time together and do things together and just have a good time like two bestfriends. It is great. He is thoughtful and loving and caring. We both want this to work and I know I need to change. I just want other peoples views and advice. I dont know where to start. I am sorry if this is too long.
Our marriage started out great, But then the fights began. We fight every week or two. Huge fights. It is always my fault. I keep forgetting little things to do around the house like make sure his clothes for work are ironed or pick up the scrap of paper he dropped under the bed the other day. He feels like I dont really want to learn to be a better housewife and I am not really open to change. I have found his family very different to mine and I am struggling to fit in and still feel very awkard. He says he always imagined his wife being so ambitious and doing so many different things. I used to want to be a writer, a therapist of some sort, a mother, a housewife and study my religion properly and maybe even become more religious. I am not sure what happened but I dont really have ambitions anymore. I just dont really want to do much in life other than what is neccessary in my home like cooking and cleaning and laundry and then I just want to relax with some tv or my phone. He loathes that.
I feel like he is constantly comparing me to his mother and sisters who have all been married for years with kids and his brothers' wives. And I cant be compared to them. We are not the same and I am so much younger than them it just doesnt make sense. He said I should be like them more and try to learn from and do what they do because that is what makes him happy and I am like why did you marry me then I was so obviously not like your family? I feel like no matter how hard I try I will never be good enough for him but he reassures me and says that he sees my efforts and appreciates them and I can be like them and better. He thinks it is crazy how I dont get a fight in me and try so hard to be better and I just dont really care or have the fight in me.
I want to change but I dont have any fight in me, I care about him and I dont want to loose him yet I still cant manage to pull myself together and work on being better for me then for him. I do admit that I am wrong in so many things and that i will change but then i just stop. I have changed already for the better but I am still far away from being what I am supposed to be. All these fights are taking a toll on me and I have found my confidence to have completely gone and I am very insecure especially when it comes to my husband.
Tonight, I made him cry. I have never seen him cry and it really hit me that I am too hurting him, not only myself, that he is still in love with me despite him saying he feels like marrying me was a mistake and maybe I am too young and he shouldnt have come to me. I told him I dont want him to live like this and I will try and change. But I dont want to change myself completely for him. is that selfish?
When we arent fighting, we are so happy, we laugh and joke, we spend time together and do things together and just have a good time like two bestfriends. It is great. He is thoughtful and loving and caring. We both want this to work and I know I need to change. I just want other peoples views and advice. I dont know where to start. I am sorry if this is too long.
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