Before I get started, I would like to say that I am looking for female opinions. I know some of the guys are well intentioned, but you are guys. I need a woman's POV.
Let me just say that I am fairly analytical type person and I try not to let emotions get in the way of things. I was brought up in a home that the only real emotions were negative. I don't work on an emotional level as a result and communicate very poorly in this regard. Give me the straight and level up front and I am great. If something is really important, you have to tell me sometimes, I have trouble picking up small cues. If you beat around the bush or try to be subtle about what you want, I usually will not get it.
My wife and I have issues with communication. We had a discussion this weekend that shined a little light on things that would be helpful for her, and some for me. Her main complaints with me are: She thinks I do not hear her and I do not share any of my hopes, fears, or emotions with her. I get these are big issues and I want to make this work.
The first complaint about not hearing her, what does this really mean? What can I do to convey that I get what she is saying? I have read some books on communication that discuss reflecting back to her what she is says to ensure I get it right. I feel that she is looking for a more than that, some form of empathy perhaps?
As for the not sharing my hopes, fears, and other emotions I get that part some. Going back to growing up, you did not share things unless you wanted a negative response, therefore I have always had trouble communicating on such a emotional level. This is something I have wanted to work on but have no idea of how to do it. Some would suggest a counselor, but I am not sure how that would help. Could I get a little clear direction from some of you? I would appreciate it.
Oh, as a side note, my wife is a LPC so that makes things much more interesting. I really feel out of my league talking with her at times.
Let me just say that I am fairly analytical type person and I try not to let emotions get in the way of things. I was brought up in a home that the only real emotions were negative. I don't work on an emotional level as a result and communicate very poorly in this regard. Give me the straight and level up front and I am great. If something is really important, you have to tell me sometimes, I have trouble picking up small cues. If you beat around the bush or try to be subtle about what you want, I usually will not get it.
My wife and I have issues with communication. We had a discussion this weekend that shined a little light on things that would be helpful for her, and some for me. Her main complaints with me are: She thinks I do not hear her and I do not share any of my hopes, fears, or emotions with her. I get these are big issues and I want to make this work.
The first complaint about not hearing her, what does this really mean? What can I do to convey that I get what she is saying? I have read some books on communication that discuss reflecting back to her what she is says to ensure I get it right. I feel that she is looking for a more than that, some form of empathy perhaps?
As for the not sharing my hopes, fears, and other emotions I get that part some. Going back to growing up, you did not share things unless you wanted a negative response, therefore I have always had trouble communicating on such a emotional level. This is something I have wanted to work on but have no idea of how to do it. Some would suggest a counselor, but I am not sure how that would help. Could I get a little clear direction from some of you? I would appreciate it.
Oh, as a side note, my wife is a LPC so that makes things much more interesting. I really feel out of my league talking with her at times.
Put the internet to work for you.
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