My first husband was a cheat (married 7 years) and I truly did love him. We were high school sweethearts, had 2 children together and when I found out about his affair I was willing to counsel, I wanted to move forward, I felt we could but he said he was in love with the other woman and was thinking he wanted to marry her.
5 years later I married and thought I was being careful, thought I asked all the right questions. I have now been married 22 years to my second husband. He has had 3 emotional affairs in our marriage and each was obvious to me. In two of the situations I could see the ladies liked the attention but I felt he was more infatuated with them then they were with him. The one lady though was hot on hubby's trail, in fact I have wondered if that one might have been more than emotional but husband won't admit to anything more.
The man has also dealt with porn addiction which we went thru counseling for and he supposedly has been clean for many years. He is an extremely lusty man, loves to flirt and then questions me if I go to the gym. You know the type?
Little by little I have lost my ability to trust, forgive and move on with this man. I thought it was him keeping me at arm's length and to a certain extent I think it still is but I realize too that I am keeping him at arm's length now. I no longer want this man to touch me and I think it's because of what I have endured.
I was the pursuer in the relationship, I was the one going to him for intimacy. It really felt I was the only one trying to make our marriage work. I was trying to get him involved and a part of the relationship, part of the family and he was resisting yet caught up in his fantasies. The second emotional affair, the one where the lady was just as much at fault, happened while I was pg (17 years ago).
The final blow came Christmas before last. I thought all these affairs were behind us and we drove up to a house for a dinner party. Just before we go in the house husband tells me that his 3rd infatuation lady might be at the dinner. I was floored, she had moved. I didn't understand. Sure enough, 10 minutes after we get there she walks in with her new husband, a man that husband used to work with and was married to someone else at the time when they worked together. Husband and EA lady hug and chat for a good 10 minutes in the other room. She sees me and will not even acknowledge me.
After that I told my husband to leave which did not last. I then went to counseling and while I learned alot about me I was not able to move past these situations with husband.
Feedback appreciated.
5 years later I married and thought I was being careful, thought I asked all the right questions. I have now been married 22 years to my second husband. He has had 3 emotional affairs in our marriage and each was obvious to me. In two of the situations I could see the ladies liked the attention but I felt he was more infatuated with them then they were with him. The one lady though was hot on hubby's trail, in fact I have wondered if that one might have been more than emotional but husband won't admit to anything more.
The man has also dealt with porn addiction which we went thru counseling for and he supposedly has been clean for many years. He is an extremely lusty man, loves to flirt and then questions me if I go to the gym. You know the type?
Little by little I have lost my ability to trust, forgive and move on with this man. I thought it was him keeping me at arm's length and to a certain extent I think it still is but I realize too that I am keeping him at arm's length now. I no longer want this man to touch me and I think it's because of what I have endured.
I was the pursuer in the relationship, I was the one going to him for intimacy. It really felt I was the only one trying to make our marriage work. I was trying to get him involved and a part of the relationship, part of the family and he was resisting yet caught up in his fantasies. The second emotional affair, the one where the lady was just as much at fault, happened while I was pg (17 years ago).
The final blow came Christmas before last. I thought all these affairs were behind us and we drove up to a house for a dinner party. Just before we go in the house husband tells me that his 3rd infatuation lady might be at the dinner. I was floored, she had moved. I didn't understand. Sure enough, 10 minutes after we get there she walks in with her new husband, a man that husband used to work with and was married to someone else at the time when they worked together. Husband and EA lady hug and chat for a good 10 minutes in the other room. She sees me and will not even acknowledge me.
After that I told my husband to leave which did not last. I then went to counseling and while I learned alot about me I was not able to move past these situations with husband.
Feedback appreciated.
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