I am new to this forum. I was looking for a place to vent and also check if I am truly crazy and being obsessive about this issue like my husband accuses me.
My issue is with his family or rather with him about his family. They never, or at least this is what I feel, embraced me as one of theirs. We have been married for 13 years and the ONLY time his mother called was when she thought I had left for a conference overseas (I had postponed my travel date by one day)! I call her from time to time to enquire about her health, but she never calls back. Last summer, I called her and my daughter was sick so I told her. When she wanted to know whether my daughter was getting better, she called her son (my husband) a first time, then a second, but she never thought of calling me. Then my husband asked me to call her and update her on my daughter's health, which I did. About two weeks ago, my husband had to undergo a surgery to remove his perforated appendix together with part of his bowels because of the infection. That was the only time his mother and sisters called me. They contacted my mother to have my phone number and started calling me for update on my husband's health. I thought that maybe something good would come out of it all and his mother would finally embrace me as a daughter, especially that I was calling her every night to tell her what happened during those days. But the minute they learnt that the doctors removed his nasogastric drain and that he started eating again, they stopped calling at all. They started calling him on his cell. Never once did his mother or any of his sisters think of calling me again if only to know how my daughter, who was sick again was doing, nor to know how I was coping with a hospitalized husband, a very sick daughter and a son who just had to have an inflammation of sperm cords at the same time, all with no family around for support.
What drives me insane is not their behaviour so much as my husband's. He doesn't seem to be bothered by it at all. Today, he was talking to his mother and sister over Skype and of course they never asked about me or about the kids. They kept asking him about his health and how the "poor him" was doing with his food, and he replied as though he was a single man, with mo mention of how I am taking good care of what he eats and when, and how I am changing his wound dressing, driving him back and forth to his hospital follow-ups. They talked to him as though he was single and he replied like a single man. In fact, how can I blame them for not calling me when he never thinks of giving them my phone number? Last year, we moved to a new country and he never thought he should give them the home number, as well. When I think of it, and as far back as I can remember, he never ever brings me up in conversations with his family about "his" daily life. To listen to him, one would think he were a single man. Even when he talks of our kids, he talks as though he is raising them all by himself. I am nowhere to be found in the version of life that he tells his family.
Please, tell me whether I am exaggerating or not. Whether I am just being obsessive and irrational about it. Is it normal for a husband to tolerate that his mother and sisters, after so many years of marriage, never think of making a phone call to his wife, under no circumstances, not even when she had her first baby by an emergency c-section in a foreign country? IS it normal for him to erase me from all conversations with his family, even when the conversation is about his daily life? Or am I just being crazy like he says?
Swinca
My issue is with his family or rather with him about his family. They never, or at least this is what I feel, embraced me as one of theirs. We have been married for 13 years and the ONLY time his mother called was when she thought I had left for a conference overseas (I had postponed my travel date by one day)! I call her from time to time to enquire about her health, but she never calls back. Last summer, I called her and my daughter was sick so I told her. When she wanted to know whether my daughter was getting better, she called her son (my husband) a first time, then a second, but she never thought of calling me. Then my husband asked me to call her and update her on my daughter's health, which I did. About two weeks ago, my husband had to undergo a surgery to remove his perforated appendix together with part of his bowels because of the infection. That was the only time his mother and sisters called me. They contacted my mother to have my phone number and started calling me for update on my husband's health. I thought that maybe something good would come out of it all and his mother would finally embrace me as a daughter, especially that I was calling her every night to tell her what happened during those days. But the minute they learnt that the doctors removed his nasogastric drain and that he started eating again, they stopped calling at all. They started calling him on his cell. Never once did his mother or any of his sisters think of calling me again if only to know how my daughter, who was sick again was doing, nor to know how I was coping with a hospitalized husband, a very sick daughter and a son who just had to have an inflammation of sperm cords at the same time, all with no family around for support.
What drives me insane is not their behaviour so much as my husband's. He doesn't seem to be bothered by it at all. Today, he was talking to his mother and sister over Skype and of course they never asked about me or about the kids. They kept asking him about his health and how the "poor him" was doing with his food, and he replied as though he was a single man, with mo mention of how I am taking good care of what he eats and when, and how I am changing his wound dressing, driving him back and forth to his hospital follow-ups. They talked to him as though he was single and he replied like a single man. In fact, how can I blame them for not calling me when he never thinks of giving them my phone number? Last year, we moved to a new country and he never thought he should give them the home number, as well. When I think of it, and as far back as I can remember, he never ever brings me up in conversations with his family about "his" daily life. To listen to him, one would think he were a single man. Even when he talks of our kids, he talks as though he is raising them all by himself. I am nowhere to be found in the version of life that he tells his family.
Please, tell me whether I am exaggerating or not. Whether I am just being obsessive and irrational about it. Is it normal for a husband to tolerate that his mother and sisters, after so many years of marriage, never think of making a phone call to his wife, under no circumstances, not even when she had her first baby by an emergency c-section in a foreign country? IS it normal for him to erase me from all conversations with his family, even when the conversation is about his daily life? Or am I just being crazy like he says?
Swinca
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