I have been married for over 35 years. Never, ever, ever has my wife ever said she was sorry. If I ever had an issue with something she said/did, never once was I right.
She would get divorced before she would mend an argument by admitting she was at fault, even partially.
I don't jump all over people when they are wrong and she would even agree I am very reasonable.
She takes absurd positions and refuses to budge. No matter how mad or frustrated I get. Then she tries to make me the one with that is unreasonable.
We have crazy arguments about once a month where she takes a position and even if it is clearly wrong, will not back off it
Here are a very few examples.
1) We were going south and she told me she was off until Feb. I arranged my jobs to be gone until feb. My time is fairly loose but she is a shift worker so she needs to be back for her shifts.
Feb came but she was in no rush to get back so I assumed she had gotten some extra time. No problem.
After about a week into Feb I said I needed to head back (off 6 weeks so far). She was pissed and said when she had said "until" Feb, she meant until the "end" of Feb and how could I have misinterpreted her? I said the whole world works on the belief that if someone says they are off until Feb, they mean they need to be back for Feb.
Huge argument that lasted for probably a year because she was so mad I had to head back and ruined her holiday (PS, she is the workaholic and works 70 hours a week if she can get it).
She still maintains I should not have assumed she meant the beginning of Feb when she said "until" Feb.
2) Our builder had given us a landscape credit. She was humming and hawing for a month about different options. I had a few too. Time was running out and I wanted an 18 inch high block wall built about 2 feet from our patio.
She did not want it because it would cast too much shade on the patio. I set up a mock wall illustrating it was impossible for an 18 inch high structure to cast shade on a patio from 2 feet away. She insisted it would even though she could plainly see it wouldn't.
I suggested she must have another objection because the shade one was clearly not valid and I did not want to argue about the shade aspect. She insisted that was her issue and would not back off.
I keep saying, I don't want to argue or make decisions based upon stuff that is clearly wrong, so if she has another issue, what is it?
3) I bought six 1" S hooks for our trailer. She was pissed that I never bought the 1/2 inch S hooks because they are lighter. I said how can something the weight of a credit card matter on a 6,000 lb trailer?
She insisted it did and was pissed I bought the larger hooks for 20 cents more. Wouldn't talk to me for a month.
I said surely there is another issue, please tell me what it is. She insisted her issue was the weight.
4) We had a $50k loan on a property we sold. She was handling the money then but I noticed we still owed $6,000 even though we had made enough to pay it off.
I asked her very nicely where the money went, thinking she had reinvested it or whatever. She insisted it was there. I showed her the statements, made up a paper adding up the money. She said my adding was wrong. I brought out a calculator and added it. She said it was still wrong.
The numbers were there in black and white but she maintained my adding was wrong. I told her to add it then. She wouldn't. That was her only defense. Not the items or the numbers, just the addition.
Still to this day don't know where it went.
I get women and men having different positions but I still believe people need to be reasonable if they want a relationship.
Not take positions that are clearly wrong and stick to them even when it turns our lives miserable for months or years.
I don't know what I'm asking here. Just putting our situations out to other perspectives to see if its really me that is crazy.
She would get divorced before she would mend an argument by admitting she was at fault, even partially.
I don't jump all over people when they are wrong and she would even agree I am very reasonable.
She takes absurd positions and refuses to budge. No matter how mad or frustrated I get. Then she tries to make me the one with that is unreasonable.
We have crazy arguments about once a month where she takes a position and even if it is clearly wrong, will not back off it
Here are a very few examples.
1) We were going south and she told me she was off until Feb. I arranged my jobs to be gone until feb. My time is fairly loose but she is a shift worker so she needs to be back for her shifts.
Feb came but she was in no rush to get back so I assumed she had gotten some extra time. No problem.
After about a week into Feb I said I needed to head back (off 6 weeks so far). She was pissed and said when she had said "until" Feb, she meant until the "end" of Feb and how could I have misinterpreted her? I said the whole world works on the belief that if someone says they are off until Feb, they mean they need to be back for Feb.
Huge argument that lasted for probably a year because she was so mad I had to head back and ruined her holiday (PS, she is the workaholic and works 70 hours a week if she can get it).
She still maintains I should not have assumed she meant the beginning of Feb when she said "until" Feb.
2) Our builder had given us a landscape credit. She was humming and hawing for a month about different options. I had a few too. Time was running out and I wanted an 18 inch high block wall built about 2 feet from our patio.
She did not want it because it would cast too much shade on the patio. I set up a mock wall illustrating it was impossible for an 18 inch high structure to cast shade on a patio from 2 feet away. She insisted it would even though she could plainly see it wouldn't.
I suggested she must have another objection because the shade one was clearly not valid and I did not want to argue about the shade aspect. She insisted that was her issue and would not back off.
I keep saying, I don't want to argue or make decisions based upon stuff that is clearly wrong, so if she has another issue, what is it?
3) I bought six 1" S hooks for our trailer. She was pissed that I never bought the 1/2 inch S hooks because they are lighter. I said how can something the weight of a credit card matter on a 6,000 lb trailer?
She insisted it did and was pissed I bought the larger hooks for 20 cents more. Wouldn't talk to me for a month.
I said surely there is another issue, please tell me what it is. She insisted her issue was the weight.
4) We had a $50k loan on a property we sold. She was handling the money then but I noticed we still owed $6,000 even though we had made enough to pay it off.
I asked her very nicely where the money went, thinking she had reinvested it or whatever. She insisted it was there. I showed her the statements, made up a paper adding up the money. She said my adding was wrong. I brought out a calculator and added it. She said it was still wrong.
The numbers were there in black and white but she maintained my adding was wrong. I told her to add it then. She wouldn't. That was her only defense. Not the items or the numbers, just the addition.
Still to this day don't know where it went.
I get women and men having different positions but I still believe people need to be reasonable if they want a relationship.
Not take positions that are clearly wrong and stick to them even when it turns our lives miserable for months or years.
I don't know what I'm asking here. Just putting our situations out to other perspectives to see if its really me that is crazy.
Put the internet to work for you.
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