Hi, I have been married to my husband for 17 1/2 years. About 8 years ago, I found out that my husband had been emailing his ex-girlfriend. In these e-mails he told her that he only married me because I had gotten pregnant and that he still loved her. He was making arrangements to go to the city where she lived in order to hook up with her. When I told him that I had found his e-mails, he apologized and told me that he let his emotions and her interest in him to get the better of him. I forgave him for it, because I love him with all of my heart and I was willing to forgive him for talking to her, especially since nothing had happened. Now speed forward to a year ago....
A woman who lived in town who was married to one of his co-workers and my husband started sexting each other. It caused drama at first because I told him that I did not like her texting him all the time (I did not know then that they were sexting). He blew it off as they had just moved to town, and she did not have any friends and he was just being nice. He invited his co-worker and his wife over to our house for dinner and to play monopoly. My husband and this woman sat across the table from each other, and flirted with each other in front of me, my children and her husband. This is when I knew that he was not just texting her. I started snooping on his e-mail, facebook, and messages and lo and behold I found the sexting posts - talking about how they should just get together and my husband saying "If I am going to get accused of cheating, I might as well do it." Well I finally had enough information to confront him, which turned into world war II at my home. Enoug h to where he yelled at me, I got in his face and he shoved me back. This is when I told him to get out of my house because I did not need him for anything. Well, guess what, he apologized to me, told me it was because she was paying so much attention to him and that our sex life was almost non-existent. Like a dummy, I forgave him a second time. Things went great for a while, he helped out around the house, sent me love cards, bought me flowers, and made it a point to pay attention to me. That floundered out after about a month, and then he went back to not helping out around the house, ignoring me unless I spoke to him, and expecting me to do work full time, go to school full time, take care of the house and the kids and gets upset because I am too tired to have sex.
Now fast forward to last week.....
I cannot believe it, he is doing it again. I have not snooped on his emails, messages, or Facebook since the last time but I can tell a change in him and I know that change all too well. Guess what? He is now talking to a girl on Facebook messenger and email. This is a girl that we are both friends with on Facebook, who was also a babysitter for our boys when they were young (they are 13 & 16 now). He is sexting her, sending her nude pictures of himself and her sending him pictures. She lives an hour and half away from us in a town where his parents and sister live. He is talking to her about meeting up sometime because as he says "He has always wanted to make love to her." He has been texting or sexting her off and on since December 2013, and just now picked it back up last week.
I am beside myself. I love my husband and I do not want to get divorced from him, but I am at my wits end. I am not and will not just stand by and let him have his sex conversations with other women, and I do not think that I have it in me to forgive him again. This is the 3rd time, and the way I look at it if he could not keep his promises after the first and second times I know that he is not going to keep it after the 3rd time.
I know after the second incident when I told him to get out, he told me that he did not want to be a weekend dad. This is not something that I would ever do anyway, because I do not want to hurt my boys.
Can someone please give me some advice? I just really do not know what to do. I don't want to jump and say I want a divorce, but I also do not want to fight and have him blame it all on me again and expect me to be there all the time while he is trying to play around. Am I wrong?
A woman who lived in town who was married to one of his co-workers and my husband started sexting each other. It caused drama at first because I told him that I did not like her texting him all the time (I did not know then that they were sexting). He blew it off as they had just moved to town, and she did not have any friends and he was just being nice. He invited his co-worker and his wife over to our house for dinner and to play monopoly. My husband and this woman sat across the table from each other, and flirted with each other in front of me, my children and her husband. This is when I knew that he was not just texting her. I started snooping on his e-mail, facebook, and messages and lo and behold I found the sexting posts - talking about how they should just get together and my husband saying "If I am going to get accused of cheating, I might as well do it." Well I finally had enough information to confront him, which turned into world war II at my home. Enoug h to where he yelled at me, I got in his face and he shoved me back. This is when I told him to get out of my house because I did not need him for anything. Well, guess what, he apologized to me, told me it was because she was paying so much attention to him and that our sex life was almost non-existent. Like a dummy, I forgave him a second time. Things went great for a while, he helped out around the house, sent me love cards, bought me flowers, and made it a point to pay attention to me. That floundered out after about a month, and then he went back to not helping out around the house, ignoring me unless I spoke to him, and expecting me to do work full time, go to school full time, take care of the house and the kids and gets upset because I am too tired to have sex.
Now fast forward to last week.....
I cannot believe it, he is doing it again. I have not snooped on his emails, messages, or Facebook since the last time but I can tell a change in him and I know that change all too well. Guess what? He is now talking to a girl on Facebook messenger and email. This is a girl that we are both friends with on Facebook, who was also a babysitter for our boys when they were young (they are 13 & 16 now). He is sexting her, sending her nude pictures of himself and her sending him pictures. She lives an hour and half away from us in a town where his parents and sister live. He is talking to her about meeting up sometime because as he says "He has always wanted to make love to her." He has been texting or sexting her off and on since December 2013, and just now picked it back up last week.
I am beside myself. I love my husband and I do not want to get divorced from him, but I am at my wits end. I am not and will not just stand by and let him have his sex conversations with other women, and I do not think that I have it in me to forgive him again. This is the 3rd time, and the way I look at it if he could not keep his promises after the first and second times I know that he is not going to keep it after the 3rd time.
I know after the second incident when I told him to get out, he told me that he did not want to be a weekend dad. This is not something that I would ever do anyway, because I do not want to hurt my boys.
Can someone please give me some advice? I just really do not know what to do. I don't want to jump and say I want a divorce, but I also do not want to fight and have him blame it all on me again and expect me to be there all the time while he is trying to play around. Am I wrong?
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