Hi. My husband and I seperated 16 months ago. It was our second seperation (both instigated by myself) and we have 3 children between 3-10 yrs. We had been together for 18 years/ married 12 with many issues that couples seem to have. There was no infidelity on either side.
First time we seperated was for six months and then we went back together for 5 months before separating 16 months ago. There was always a lot of tension between us but I genuinely believed I was ready to get on with my life.
10 days ago he rang me to say he was dating someone for 4 weeks but wanted to tell me before one of his mates wives did. I initially was shocked but thought I was okay with it. I wished him the best but by next day was very angry as felt he was not pulling his weight with the three children ( as backed by my inlaws) and this would get less with a new partner. I sent him a barrage of nasty messages for a day or so then tried to do some reflection as to why it was hurting so much. I thought maybe it was the marriage I was mourning and not actually him....
.Anyway I calmed down and sent him an extremely detailed email on why I thought I was feeling the way I was and opened up perhaps completely in our time together. He said he was sad and sorry for what could have been had he known some of the things before...I asked him if he would consider dating again. Where we would start from the basics ie movies, meal, drive etc.It would be kept quiet as didn't want our kids to find out and get false hope. We would have these parallel lives where we kept to our existing programme with co parenting etc but not show any sign of anything more ie touching etc. Then we would have our date night once a week where we just tried to get to know each other again and it was strictly no talking about kids or day to day stuff. We would have no time limits on it and just see where it would take us. And if we both felt there was a chance we could come back together as a family then we would.
He said he would definitely consider it so we organised a date night ( only person who knows is his mother who is the babysitter and we are both extremely close to). I told him that I would only do it if no third party involved. He agreed and said he would not see this girl or anyone else.
4 days later we confirmed details for the date night later this week and I asked him if he had told this girl what he was doing or was he telling her a story why he couldn't see her physically but still messaging, calling etc in case it didn't work with us. He admitted he was committed to our dating process but hadn't told her what he was doing as she would end it with him and that if it didn't work out with our relationship that he wanted to go back to her........very confused about what I should do.
I would appreciate any advice thank you.
First time we seperated was for six months and then we went back together for 5 months before separating 16 months ago. There was always a lot of tension between us but I genuinely believed I was ready to get on with my life.
10 days ago he rang me to say he was dating someone for 4 weeks but wanted to tell me before one of his mates wives did. I initially was shocked but thought I was okay with it. I wished him the best but by next day was very angry as felt he was not pulling his weight with the three children ( as backed by my inlaws) and this would get less with a new partner. I sent him a barrage of nasty messages for a day or so then tried to do some reflection as to why it was hurting so much. I thought maybe it was the marriage I was mourning and not actually him....
.Anyway I calmed down and sent him an extremely detailed email on why I thought I was feeling the way I was and opened up perhaps completely in our time together. He said he was sad and sorry for what could have been had he known some of the things before...I asked him if he would consider dating again. Where we would start from the basics ie movies, meal, drive etc.It would be kept quiet as didn't want our kids to find out and get false hope. We would have these parallel lives where we kept to our existing programme with co parenting etc but not show any sign of anything more ie touching etc. Then we would have our date night once a week where we just tried to get to know each other again and it was strictly no talking about kids or day to day stuff. We would have no time limits on it and just see where it would take us. And if we both felt there was a chance we could come back together as a family then we would.
He said he would definitely consider it so we organised a date night ( only person who knows is his mother who is the babysitter and we are both extremely close to). I told him that I would only do it if no third party involved. He agreed and said he would not see this girl or anyone else.
4 days later we confirmed details for the date night later this week and I asked him if he had told this girl what he was doing or was he telling her a story why he couldn't see her physically but still messaging, calling etc in case it didn't work with us. He admitted he was committed to our dating process but hadn't told her what he was doing as she would end it with him and that if it didn't work out with our relationship that he wanted to go back to her........very confused about what I should do.
I would appreciate any advice thank you.
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