Hi all,
I have been in a relationship with my partner for over 3.5 years. We got engaged at the end of last year, and are getting married next year. We both have good jobs with good incomes. My partners father has been living with us for the last one year. He works in a fly-in fly-out job so he has 2 weeks away and comes back for 1 week. It all started when he had come here for a holiday from a different state and he had not met his son (my partner) for the last 20 years atleast. He decided to move down as he now has a grandson (his daughter's son), and since their house is small, we agreed to have him at our place. We had gotten along really well when he came on holiday, but now he is living with us, things have changed drastically. It was okay in the beginning, but then things got really bad really fast. He has spent most of his life drifting from house to house, and then living in a caravan. Him and my MIL got divorced over 25 years ago, and since then he has never been in a relat ionship that has lasted more than 2 weeks. I know he is here only 1 week out of 3, but for a week before he comes, I physically feel ill just at the thought of him. We also have one of my best friends (a girl) living with us who is due to leave in the coming months, but she has her own life. My FIL goes to see his daughter and grandson when she needs him to baby sit or when she is free. The rest of the time, he just sits at home and watched you tube videos and X rated videos, waiting for my partner to come home. From the time we come home, to the time we get to bed, he is there, constantly. We cannot have a decent conversation as he pushes his ill informed opinion on us until we give up conversing with him around.
We had gone camping over Easter, my partner, FIL and myself. We had a few drinks and when my partner went away for a couple of minutes to explore, the FIL started talking about how he is impotent and even though the urge is there to find someone for that, he cannot do anything about it and so on. He is always talking about inappropriate things around me, and does the same to my partner about my friend who stays with us. He thinks that for some reason, my partner owes him something, and that I am his servant. He does not clean up after himself (including in the shower, toilet, kitchen, bedroom or lounge room), eats what I have cooked for my partner and myself (I offer because I feel bad not offering), then he wastes half the food saying its too fancy for him and dumps the dish in the sink, does not say thank you or anything, and just walks off! He treats my partner, his own son like he has no brains, and is forever trying to compete with him over silly things. The man has no f riends and definitely no lady friends. His own daughter cannot live with him, even though he cleans up after himself at their place and gives them money, and I know he has said things about us because my sister in law wont talk properly to us anymore. The only good thing for us is that he pays rent, but we can afford to go without his rent money.
My partner is also fed up, but every time his father thinks we will ask him to leave, he manipulates my partner into feeling bad and sorry for him. I have no family here, my parents are overseas and all my friends have been so lovely, but they cannot understand why my partner is not asking him to leave. We are about to get married, this is our time to enjoy each other before we have kids and get busy, but with my FIL and his negativity, selfishness and being a completely useless man, it is quickly becoming too hard. I don't even consider him to be my father in law, to me, all he has done is be a sperm donor with no responsibility, yet he thinks that we all owe him something.
Please give me your thoughts on this matter. Is it normal for my partners father to talk about his impotence and other rude things with me? Is his selfishness and self important way acceptable, where he always knows better and thinks he can judge everyone? He is racist (my partner is Caucasian and I am Indian born in Africa), sexist and just plain rude and intolerant of everything and everyone, even his own little grandson (goes around calling him a little girl when he is crying, which shows how sexist he is too). Am I being unreasonable by wanting him out of our lives so my partner and I can breathe and stop arguing over it?
I have been in a relationship with my partner for over 3.5 years. We got engaged at the end of last year, and are getting married next year. We both have good jobs with good incomes. My partners father has been living with us for the last one year. He works in a fly-in fly-out job so he has 2 weeks away and comes back for 1 week. It all started when he had come here for a holiday from a different state and he had not met his son (my partner) for the last 20 years atleast. He decided to move down as he now has a grandson (his daughter's son), and since their house is small, we agreed to have him at our place. We had gotten along really well when he came on holiday, but now he is living with us, things have changed drastically. It was okay in the beginning, but then things got really bad really fast. He has spent most of his life drifting from house to house, and then living in a caravan. Him and my MIL got divorced over 25 years ago, and since then he has never been in a relat ionship that has lasted more than 2 weeks. I know he is here only 1 week out of 3, but for a week before he comes, I physically feel ill just at the thought of him. We also have one of my best friends (a girl) living with us who is due to leave in the coming months, but she has her own life. My FIL goes to see his daughter and grandson when she needs him to baby sit or when she is free. The rest of the time, he just sits at home and watched you tube videos and X rated videos, waiting for my partner to come home. From the time we come home, to the time we get to bed, he is there, constantly. We cannot have a decent conversation as he pushes his ill informed opinion on us until we give up conversing with him around.
We had gone camping over Easter, my partner, FIL and myself. We had a few drinks and when my partner went away for a couple of minutes to explore, the FIL started talking about how he is impotent and even though the urge is there to find someone for that, he cannot do anything about it and so on. He is always talking about inappropriate things around me, and does the same to my partner about my friend who stays with us. He thinks that for some reason, my partner owes him something, and that I am his servant. He does not clean up after himself (including in the shower, toilet, kitchen, bedroom or lounge room), eats what I have cooked for my partner and myself (I offer because I feel bad not offering), then he wastes half the food saying its too fancy for him and dumps the dish in the sink, does not say thank you or anything, and just walks off! He treats my partner, his own son like he has no brains, and is forever trying to compete with him over silly things. The man has no f riends and definitely no lady friends. His own daughter cannot live with him, even though he cleans up after himself at their place and gives them money, and I know he has said things about us because my sister in law wont talk properly to us anymore. The only good thing for us is that he pays rent, but we can afford to go without his rent money.
My partner is also fed up, but every time his father thinks we will ask him to leave, he manipulates my partner into feeling bad and sorry for him. I have no family here, my parents are overseas and all my friends have been so lovely, but they cannot understand why my partner is not asking him to leave. We are about to get married, this is our time to enjoy each other before we have kids and get busy, but with my FIL and his negativity, selfishness and being a completely useless man, it is quickly becoming too hard. I don't even consider him to be my father in law, to me, all he has done is be a sperm donor with no responsibility, yet he thinks that we all owe him something.
Please give me your thoughts on this matter. Is it normal for my partners father to talk about his impotence and other rude things with me? Is his selfishness and self important way acceptable, where he always knows better and thinks he can judge everyone? He is racist (my partner is Caucasian and I am Indian born in Africa), sexist and just plain rude and intolerant of everything and everyone, even his own little grandson (goes around calling him a little girl when he is crying, which shows how sexist he is too). Am I being unreasonable by wanting him out of our lives so my partner and I can breathe and stop arguing over it?
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