First off, I am new to this messageboard. I found it recently on one of my searches to try and find ways to better my marriage.
My husband and I have been together over 13 years and have always had a regular sex life. We met in high school and back then he was always wanting to, often more than once in a day. I suppose that's pretty normal for a young guy, and I also supposed it's normal for the frequency to decrease a bit when you're with someone a long time.
Over the years I'd say we've averaged 3 times a week. Other than after having my 2 kids, we've never gone more than 2 weeks without having sex, and there was always a reason for it (like when I had surgery or was ill). There were times where maybe it would be once that week, then others where we'd have sex 5 times or more in a week. Overall, it's been pretty steady, until the last 2 years or so.
I started noticing a couple years ago that we weren't having sex as much, and it bothered me, because I have always had a strong desire for sex. Unlike a lot of women I know, I seem to have a very high sex drive, almost like a man. I would do it every day, but I'm good with a few times a week.
Earlier in our marriage he told me he wished I would initiate sex more, and I did make an effort to more often. I guess I never realized he wanted me to, and although I wanted it, I felt awkward being the one to start things. But, since he told me he liked that, I would try to remember to if it had been a while since I did.
Over the last couple years I feel like I have literally had to almost beg for sex. If it had been close to a week since we'd had sex, I would try to let him know in a variety of ways that I was ready, and he'd often just flat out ignore me or act like I was bothering him.
Needless to say, this really hurts my feelings. At first when these things started happening, I thought maybe he was just tired, or stressed, so I tried not to let it bother me. After many flat out rejections, I started to feel humiliated. There were a few times when we'd be in bed and I'd lie there hoping he'd reach over for me, and he wouldn't. So, sometimes I would, and he wouldn't move or make or sound, and after a few minutes of me trying to get his attention, it was obvious he didn't want to, so I'd just stop, feel horribly embarrassed and then turn over and try not to cry. There were a few times I would cry, and he'd just ignore me, not even saying a word.
This has really affected me, because I find myself in a foul mood a lot of the time because of it. I am downright crabby, and I feel like he doesn't even love me anymore.
I have flat out asked him why he doesn't want me, and he just says, "I don't know. I just don't want to sometimes."
He did once tell me that I was asking for it so much that it was becoming annoying.
That really hurts because I can literally count on one hand the amount of times I have told him no to sex, and it was always for a good reason, like I really wasn't feeling well or something. He's completely ignored me so many times that I just don't know what to think.
I started thinking maybe there was something wrong and he wasn't telling me. He isn't the type to really talk about feelings, so I kept asking him to please tell me if something was wrong, but he said it was nothing and that I over think things.
I even bought a couple of sexy nighties thinking maybe that would entice him. The very first time I wore one to bed he seemed to like it, but there have been times since that he hasn't even noticed when I wear them.
I have wanted sex more often in the last few years, but I thought that was a good thing. I often hear of men complaining their wives never want to, and here I am ready almost all the time and he "just doesn't feel like it" or whatever other excuse there is.
He once said I should just masturbate if I want it so much, and I do occasionally, like when he's out of town for work, but why should I have to do that on a regular basis when I have a young husband (we are mid 30s) that should want to have sex with me? I told him it's not just about getting off, that I like feeling close to him and being with him, which doesn't seem to matter to him anymore.
Since this whole thing with intimacy started, I feel like it's ruining our marriage. I am unhappy a lot, and find it hard to even be nice to him, especially the next day when I have gone to bed upset because he completely rejected me. He acts like nothing even happened.
Just last night the kids were in bed and I went to take a bath. Afterwards, I came into the living room and he was watching tv. I sat next to him and touched his leg, kissed him, rubbed his hair, and he just kept watching tv. He kissed me back but never touched me and he seemed more interested in tv, so after a few minutes I got up and went into our bedroom to read. He came in a little while after, used the bathroom, turned off the light and got in bed. Not even 5 minutes later he was snoring while I cried into my pillow.
I feel like I have bent over backwards to make him happy, and that he's being completely selfish. He doesn't seem depressed over overly tired, so I don't know what is up with him.
I've always been a stay at home mom, and I do all the "normal" wife things I feel he'd expect. I rarely ask him to do chores around the house, I even do most of the yard work. I offer to make him whatever he wants to eat and I try not to complain when he spends hours alone in his man cave and to give him space. Nothing seems to work (to make him want me back) and I feel like it's impossible to get him to talk to me. I feel like I am a good wife that deserves better treatment.
Sometimes I think because of how he grew up he's just used to getting his way, and now he thinks he can just do as he pleases, even if it hurts me.
I think he's withholding sex and affection from me for a reason, but I don't know why. I haven't done anything to him that should have made him mad at me for any length of time.
Yes, sometimes I am quite bit**y to him now and lose my temper, because I am fed up.
It's gotten worse since last year when I talked to him about having another baby. I knew he'd say no even though he knows how much I want one, but he gets downright angry if I ever bring it up at all, or even say a baby is cute. I know this is part of the reason why it's gotten worse lately ( I guess he's worried I'll get pregnant) but he was withholding sex before that.
I guess I would just like some insight from anyone else who has been in a similar situation, particularly if you're a man, because I want to know what would make a man not want sex.
I even went so far as to ask a mutual friend we've known for years what he thought. He said to him that would be normal because he and his wife have sex once a week and they are both ok with that. He said he's never had much of a sex drive.
I just want everything to be how it was, and I feel like it never will get back there. I'm tired of feeling sad.
My husband and I have been together over 13 years and have always had a regular sex life. We met in high school and back then he was always wanting to, often more than once in a day. I suppose that's pretty normal for a young guy, and I also supposed it's normal for the frequency to decrease a bit when you're with someone a long time.
Over the years I'd say we've averaged 3 times a week. Other than after having my 2 kids, we've never gone more than 2 weeks without having sex, and there was always a reason for it (like when I had surgery or was ill). There were times where maybe it would be once that week, then others where we'd have sex 5 times or more in a week. Overall, it's been pretty steady, until the last 2 years or so.
I started noticing a couple years ago that we weren't having sex as much, and it bothered me, because I have always had a strong desire for sex. Unlike a lot of women I know, I seem to have a very high sex drive, almost like a man. I would do it every day, but I'm good with a few times a week.
Earlier in our marriage he told me he wished I would initiate sex more, and I did make an effort to more often. I guess I never realized he wanted me to, and although I wanted it, I felt awkward being the one to start things. But, since he told me he liked that, I would try to remember to if it had been a while since I did.
Over the last couple years I feel like I have literally had to almost beg for sex. If it had been close to a week since we'd had sex, I would try to let him know in a variety of ways that I was ready, and he'd often just flat out ignore me or act like I was bothering him.
Needless to say, this really hurts my feelings. At first when these things started happening, I thought maybe he was just tired, or stressed, so I tried not to let it bother me. After many flat out rejections, I started to feel humiliated. There were a few times when we'd be in bed and I'd lie there hoping he'd reach over for me, and he wouldn't. So, sometimes I would, and he wouldn't move or make or sound, and after a few minutes of me trying to get his attention, it was obvious he didn't want to, so I'd just stop, feel horribly embarrassed and then turn over and try not to cry. There were a few times I would cry, and he'd just ignore me, not even saying a word.
This has really affected me, because I find myself in a foul mood a lot of the time because of it. I am downright crabby, and I feel like he doesn't even love me anymore.
I have flat out asked him why he doesn't want me, and he just says, "I don't know. I just don't want to sometimes."
He did once tell me that I was asking for it so much that it was becoming annoying.
That really hurts because I can literally count on one hand the amount of times I have told him no to sex, and it was always for a good reason, like I really wasn't feeling well or something. He's completely ignored me so many times that I just don't know what to think.
I started thinking maybe there was something wrong and he wasn't telling me. He isn't the type to really talk about feelings, so I kept asking him to please tell me if something was wrong, but he said it was nothing and that I over think things.
I even bought a couple of sexy nighties thinking maybe that would entice him. The very first time I wore one to bed he seemed to like it, but there have been times since that he hasn't even noticed when I wear them.
I have wanted sex more often in the last few years, but I thought that was a good thing. I often hear of men complaining their wives never want to, and here I am ready almost all the time and he "just doesn't feel like it" or whatever other excuse there is.
He once said I should just masturbate if I want it so much, and I do occasionally, like when he's out of town for work, but why should I have to do that on a regular basis when I have a young husband (we are mid 30s) that should want to have sex with me? I told him it's not just about getting off, that I like feeling close to him and being with him, which doesn't seem to matter to him anymore.
Since this whole thing with intimacy started, I feel like it's ruining our marriage. I am unhappy a lot, and find it hard to even be nice to him, especially the next day when I have gone to bed upset because he completely rejected me. He acts like nothing even happened.
Just last night the kids were in bed and I went to take a bath. Afterwards, I came into the living room and he was watching tv. I sat next to him and touched his leg, kissed him, rubbed his hair, and he just kept watching tv. He kissed me back but never touched me and he seemed more interested in tv, so after a few minutes I got up and went into our bedroom to read. He came in a little while after, used the bathroom, turned off the light and got in bed. Not even 5 minutes later he was snoring while I cried into my pillow.
I feel like I have bent over backwards to make him happy, and that he's being completely selfish. He doesn't seem depressed over overly tired, so I don't know what is up with him.
I've always been a stay at home mom, and I do all the "normal" wife things I feel he'd expect. I rarely ask him to do chores around the house, I even do most of the yard work. I offer to make him whatever he wants to eat and I try not to complain when he spends hours alone in his man cave and to give him space. Nothing seems to work (to make him want me back) and I feel like it's impossible to get him to talk to me. I feel like I am a good wife that deserves better treatment.
Sometimes I think because of how he grew up he's just used to getting his way, and now he thinks he can just do as he pleases, even if it hurts me.
I think he's withholding sex and affection from me for a reason, but I don't know why. I haven't done anything to him that should have made him mad at me for any length of time.
Yes, sometimes I am quite bit**y to him now and lose my temper, because I am fed up.
It's gotten worse since last year when I talked to him about having another baby. I knew he'd say no even though he knows how much I want one, but he gets downright angry if I ever bring it up at all, or even say a baby is cute. I know this is part of the reason why it's gotten worse lately ( I guess he's worried I'll get pregnant) but he was withholding sex before that.
I guess I would just like some insight from anyone else who has been in a similar situation, particularly if you're a man, because I want to know what would make a man not want sex.
I even went so far as to ask a mutual friend we've known for years what he thought. He said to him that would be normal because he and his wife have sex once a week and they are both ok with that. He said he's never had much of a sex drive.
I just want everything to be how it was, and I feel like it never will get back there. I'm tired of feeling sad.
Put the internet to work for you.
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