Hope nobody minds that i've posted this twice under different sections? I need as much advice as I can get.
Right, please bare with me as this might be quite a long post.
I've been in an on and off again relationship with this guy, we'll call him 'X', for 4 or so years now. It's always been quite a toxic relationship, if i'm really honest about it- but I always end up getting dragged back with him, because i'm a pushover and had a soft spot for him. We recently 'reconciled' (ill get to how in a moment) after about a year apart. Recently, after reconnecting- He ended up booking a holiday behind my back for the two of us (which made me quite uncomfortable) after he made the executive decision that we were once again 'back together'.
After being persuaded by family and friends to go- we jetted off. At first it wasn't so bad and I was actually excited about it. But then after a day or so I got very very sick. I ended up out in hospital whilst we were there very quickly- I couldn't keep food or water down and was in incredible pain constantly. We had insurance so medical bills would be paid back ect, but he kept telling me how awful I was, how I ruined the holiday and it was all my fault. I was given lots of medication to help, but a couple mornings later I was violently sick again, this time much worse and to the point that I was severely hydrated and couldn't even sit up I was so weak- his response was an eye roll a 'ffs' and went back to bed. (later on I was back in hospital on lots of drips etc). My parents made the decision I was to come back to the uk for better medical care, and so I could fly whilst I was still allowed. On the plane home he made several remarks again of how I ruined the holiday, how if we were staying we'd be doing this or that etc. Of course I'm blaming myself for all of this. Back home I've been told I've got to have various procedures because there's something wrong with my stomach.. but I can't help beat myself up over this. He told me he would come with me to the hospital when I was back- but has only spoken to me once and it was very brief. I know he's furious with me.
He would constantly put me down and tell me how he was the better looking one of us, how lucky I am to have him, and told me I was fat and needed to tone up for this holiday because he couldn't be seen with me otherwise. (I'm a size 8). I know I need to sever the ties for good and that its toxic for me- but I know that he will use this holiday (that I didn't want in the first place) against me. Im so lost and tired of feeling like I'm rubbish all the time. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to upset him or anger him any further- I don't know how to go about this..
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