I suffer the heart wrenching tongue lashings and general bad treatment of a BPD wife. We have been married 1 year and 4 months and I am frightened as hell. I am losing myself, my energy, my peace and sanity. I wake up every morning with this terrible feeling of dread. Depending on how much optimism I can generate, I go through periods where I think this marriage can survive; mostly and as time goes on, I feel less and less hopeful.
Our story is rare. We met online and had a long distance relationship for two years before we got married. We visited each other often and for long periods of time and yes there were arguments and yes there were red flags. Our love was passionate ( not just sex). We thought we found our soul mate in each other. So we ended up getting married and then started the immigration process which took about 8 months before we could be together. My wife moved here. Its been 4 months. 4 months of HELL. 4 months of nearly daily arguments. She hates it here. She told me that she "loves me less than before". More than once we have "discussed" ( her threatening, me suggesting) her going home. We are both miserable. And then there are times when I try to make it right ( yes I know, Co-D). Date nights. Gifts. I bought her a car. Sweet things I do and say. NOTHING MATTERS. NOTHING is enough. She could care less about our finances, spends most of her "disposable" cash on alcohol ( she won't adm it to having a drinking problem...she just says she's 'british'). She does not trust me. I do not trust her. Life pretty much sucks.
So you might wonder why I have not pulled the plug? Part of it is that I love her and want it to work out somehow. The other part is that we have gone through so much to be together. I have spent tens of thousands of dollars keeping this relationship afloat, supported her while she lived in the UK, travelled to the point of exhaustion. My savings are almost depleted. She moved countries for me, left her life and job. That was hard for her.
Reading your posts I am petrified that if I don't get out now, she will drain me completely dry of my self esteem and my money. The longer we stay married the more money she is entitled to get from me. Yes I live in a community property state. And guess what? I am lawyer and know the ins and outs of all things divorce.
I am seeing a therapist. We tried couples but after two times she wouldn't go back.
How do I get the courage to end this and survive the heartbreak?
Our story is rare. We met online and had a long distance relationship for two years before we got married. We visited each other often and for long periods of time and yes there were arguments and yes there were red flags. Our love was passionate ( not just sex). We thought we found our soul mate in each other. So we ended up getting married and then started the immigration process which took about 8 months before we could be together. My wife moved here. Its been 4 months. 4 months of HELL. 4 months of nearly daily arguments. She hates it here. She told me that she "loves me less than before". More than once we have "discussed" ( her threatening, me suggesting) her going home. We are both miserable. And then there are times when I try to make it right ( yes I know, Co-D). Date nights. Gifts. I bought her a car. Sweet things I do and say. NOTHING MATTERS. NOTHING is enough. She could care less about our finances, spends most of her "disposable" cash on alcohol ( she won't adm it to having a drinking problem...she just says she's 'british'). She does not trust me. I do not trust her. Life pretty much sucks.
So you might wonder why I have not pulled the plug? Part of it is that I love her and want it to work out somehow. The other part is that we have gone through so much to be together. I have spent tens of thousands of dollars keeping this relationship afloat, supported her while she lived in the UK, travelled to the point of exhaustion. My savings are almost depleted. She moved countries for me, left her life and job. That was hard for her.
Reading your posts I am petrified that if I don't get out now, she will drain me completely dry of my self esteem and my money. The longer we stay married the more money she is entitled to get from me. Yes I live in a community property state. And guess what? I am lawyer and know the ins and outs of all things divorce.
I am seeing a therapist. We tried couples but after two times she wouldn't go back.
How do I get the courage to end this and survive the heartbreak?
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