Hi,
I am wondering if anyone has been through similar feelings and has any advice on ways to move past this stage I'm in? My husband and I have been together for over 20 years (met late teens) and have always had a great chemistry. He has always appreciated that I kept fit and out physical relationship has been very bonding for us. However, I have just turned 40 and my body is changing shape - arghhh I have no control over the thickening of my hips/waist.
Anyway, I noticed over the past year he has been checking out more and more women with small waists and nice bums etc when we are out together (something that was never very obvious before). Sometimes it was really embarrassing if he was very obvious and they noticed and gave me one of those 'so sorry' looks. I told him I felt it was rude to get to that level when we are out together so he said he would tone it down, which was nice. The problem is now I have low confidence that he still finds me attractive because I don't look like what he keeps checking out. I am feeling fragile about getting older and that my body doesn't resemble what he is sexually drawn to.
I am really grieving the special exclusiveness that we had before and that he was genuinely sexually drawn to me. He has made many many comments in the past about what he found attractive and I felt pretty secure because I mostly matched it but now I don't and know I've got to get on with grieving the loss of sexual attractiveness. Sure he loves me but I miss the lust I guess, being desirable because I still find him desirable and don't have a 'type'. When I told him I never see him checking out women with my body shape he said he loves my body because it's mine then said that if someone else was in my body that would be a different story...
So basically I am grieving the loss of my sexual attractiveness to my husband and it's tearing me apart. I'm becoming jealous and miserable and would rather live alone in order to feel good about my body than feel like this in a relationship. Has anyone else experienced this and if you did how did you let it go, accept the loss and feel at peace again?
Thanks
I am wondering if anyone has been through similar feelings and has any advice on ways to move past this stage I'm in? My husband and I have been together for over 20 years (met late teens) and have always had a great chemistry. He has always appreciated that I kept fit and out physical relationship has been very bonding for us. However, I have just turned 40 and my body is changing shape - arghhh I have no control over the thickening of my hips/waist.
Anyway, I noticed over the past year he has been checking out more and more women with small waists and nice bums etc when we are out together (something that was never very obvious before). Sometimes it was really embarrassing if he was very obvious and they noticed and gave me one of those 'so sorry' looks. I told him I felt it was rude to get to that level when we are out together so he said he would tone it down, which was nice. The problem is now I have low confidence that he still finds me attractive because I don't look like what he keeps checking out. I am feeling fragile about getting older and that my body doesn't resemble what he is sexually drawn to.
I am really grieving the special exclusiveness that we had before and that he was genuinely sexually drawn to me. He has made many many comments in the past about what he found attractive and I felt pretty secure because I mostly matched it but now I don't and know I've got to get on with grieving the loss of sexual attractiveness. Sure he loves me but I miss the lust I guess, being desirable because I still find him desirable and don't have a 'type'. When I told him I never see him checking out women with my body shape he said he loves my body because it's mine then said that if someone else was in my body that would be a different story...
So basically I am grieving the loss of my sexual attractiveness to my husband and it's tearing me apart. I'm becoming jealous and miserable and would rather live alone in order to feel good about my body than feel like this in a relationship. Has anyone else experienced this and if you did how did you let it go, accept the loss and feel at peace again?
Thanks
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