So, my wife and I have been married over 20 years, and have two children. I was a shy introvert when I was 20 and she was 19 ... and we dated for a while and got married very young.
Her and I were always kinda stay-at-home hot heads, we argued a lot, had some real doozie fights over the years, and she even broke my finger twice over the years. For many years our arguments were somewhat violent (throwing and breaking things, etc.) We are both very stubborn.
A few years ago, my wife started talking with a high school friend who lived in our state coincidentally. We, her, and her husband started hanging out. Her and I immediately hit it off and became great friends in our own right. In fact, we called ourselves "best friends."
Soon, it was apparent that that her and I were both far less than satisfied with our marriages. About a year and a half ago we essentially had an "emotional affair" ... and at one point I asked for a divorce. Everyone assumed her and I were plotting to run off together, but that was not true. We never even discussed that, honestly. We had however told each other that, over the year and a half we had known each other to that point, we had somehow fallen in love with one another.
I started this account to talk about that specific incident, hence my user name.
My wife saw how happy I was when I was with her and continually pushed us together. No, I am not blaming her. Bless her for struggling to keep me happy. But, the fact was that I had changed. Where I was once content to sit home and watch movies or play video games as a home-body, I had turned into a much more social, energetic person. And she hadn't. It was like what little we had in common was gone. I like to hike. She doesn't. I like to exercise now. She doesn't. I like to go out on the town, she doesn't. I can go on.
My new friend was everything I wanted. We completed each others thoughts all the time, liked most of the same things, and often joked we were fraternal twins separated at birth. We were (are) totally in each other's heads. We would sometimes just sit and stare into each other's eyes for minutes at a time.
I made a conscious decision to try and work on my marriage at the time. My friend and I remained "close" and we tried to pretend it never happened. We tried to fall out of love with one another, because we knew it was wrong.
One night, when our friend was visiting, we had all drank a little and we all started "grab-assing" my wife led her and I into the bedroom. You know what happened next - although my friend and I did not have intercourse - we were pretty close. This of course was a bad-idea.
Fast-forward a few more weeks and my friend experienced a traumatic life event in her family that I will not go into. Needless to say, she left her husband and moved in with another friend. We traveled there at her friend's suggestion to surprise her and try and cheer her up, but her and I got into a terrible argument, and I said a lot of terrible things. We didn't speak for three months. This even was totally my fault. I think subconsciously I thought hating her would be easier than loving her. I was wrong.
We never stopped loving each other.
After three months, we reconciled ... we all started hanging out again. We "behaved" and stayed just as "best friends" until recently, and we realized that we're still in love. We both feel like we're everything the other needs ... we bring out the best in each other, support each other, and lift each other up when we need it most. We smile whenever we're together. If soul mates exist, we're it.
Want another complication? She's moving closer. And her life is packed in our basement until she finds her own place. So, she's living with us until then. AND ... my wife let her and I spend two weekends and a couple of days hiking together - alone with some of the kids (she has two, also.) We didn't do anything during those times except fall more in love with one another. In fact, to this day we still have not had sex. Believe it, it's true.
AND - it was my WIFE that tried to convince her to move here. Not me. In fact, as recent as two days ago my wife said she should move into our basement permanently!
I KNOW she is the one for me. I never knew anyone could feel like this. I thought the way I had felt for the previous 20 years was normal. It's not a fleeting crush ... we've felt this way for nearly two years now. On one hand we feel like horrible people. On the other hand, we can't help how we feel when we're together. Our divorce would be a horror show. However, I cannot fathom not being with my soul mate the rest of my life.
EVERYONE who has seen us together thinks "OMG ... you belong together." In fact, we spend so much time together and look so happy together, this is like the worst-kept secret ever. People that have seen us have told me "you two are in love."
As terrible as it sounds, I NEVER felt this way with my wife. She's a good woman, and has been loyal ... but I cannot live in an uptight, loud, household under constant 24 hour stress. I just cannot. And I cannot deny how I feel my this fantastic woman.
Now, I am not putting her on a pedestal. She's just as flawed as anyone else ... and she's been married three times. Yes, I know what you are thinking. I thought that, too at one point. But, I know how I feel and how she makes me feel. You cannot fake what we have when we're together. Every minute we spend together is magical. Corny, I know.
So I am not asking for advice per se. I know I am in for a real horror show. However, my alternative is I forgo my own happiness forever.
Her and I were always kinda stay-at-home hot heads, we argued a lot, had some real doozie fights over the years, and she even broke my finger twice over the years. For many years our arguments were somewhat violent (throwing and breaking things, etc.) We are both very stubborn.
A few years ago, my wife started talking with a high school friend who lived in our state coincidentally. We, her, and her husband started hanging out. Her and I immediately hit it off and became great friends in our own right. In fact, we called ourselves "best friends."
Soon, it was apparent that that her and I were both far less than satisfied with our marriages. About a year and a half ago we essentially had an "emotional affair" ... and at one point I asked for a divorce. Everyone assumed her and I were plotting to run off together, but that was not true. We never even discussed that, honestly. We had however told each other that, over the year and a half we had known each other to that point, we had somehow fallen in love with one another.
I started this account to talk about that specific incident, hence my user name.
My wife saw how happy I was when I was with her and continually pushed us together. No, I am not blaming her. Bless her for struggling to keep me happy. But, the fact was that I had changed. Where I was once content to sit home and watch movies or play video games as a home-body, I had turned into a much more social, energetic person. And she hadn't. It was like what little we had in common was gone. I like to hike. She doesn't. I like to exercise now. She doesn't. I like to go out on the town, she doesn't. I can go on.
My new friend was everything I wanted. We completed each others thoughts all the time, liked most of the same things, and often joked we were fraternal twins separated at birth. We were (are) totally in each other's heads. We would sometimes just sit and stare into each other's eyes for minutes at a time.
I made a conscious decision to try and work on my marriage at the time. My friend and I remained "close" and we tried to pretend it never happened. We tried to fall out of love with one another, because we knew it was wrong.
One night, when our friend was visiting, we had all drank a little and we all started "grab-assing" my wife led her and I into the bedroom. You know what happened next - although my friend and I did not have intercourse - we were pretty close. This of course was a bad-idea.
Fast-forward a few more weeks and my friend experienced a traumatic life event in her family that I will not go into. Needless to say, she left her husband and moved in with another friend. We traveled there at her friend's suggestion to surprise her and try and cheer her up, but her and I got into a terrible argument, and I said a lot of terrible things. We didn't speak for three months. This even was totally my fault. I think subconsciously I thought hating her would be easier than loving her. I was wrong.
We never stopped loving each other.
After three months, we reconciled ... we all started hanging out again. We "behaved" and stayed just as "best friends" until recently, and we realized that we're still in love. We both feel like we're everything the other needs ... we bring out the best in each other, support each other, and lift each other up when we need it most. We smile whenever we're together. If soul mates exist, we're it.
Want another complication? She's moving closer. And her life is packed in our basement until she finds her own place. So, she's living with us until then. AND ... my wife let her and I spend two weekends and a couple of days hiking together - alone with some of the kids (she has two, also.) We didn't do anything during those times except fall more in love with one another. In fact, to this day we still have not had sex. Believe it, it's true.
AND - it was my WIFE that tried to convince her to move here. Not me. In fact, as recent as two days ago my wife said she should move into our basement permanently!
I KNOW she is the one for me. I never knew anyone could feel like this. I thought the way I had felt for the previous 20 years was normal. It's not a fleeting crush ... we've felt this way for nearly two years now. On one hand we feel like horrible people. On the other hand, we can't help how we feel when we're together. Our divorce would be a horror show. However, I cannot fathom not being with my soul mate the rest of my life.
EVERYONE who has seen us together thinks "OMG ... you belong together." In fact, we spend so much time together and look so happy together, this is like the worst-kept secret ever. People that have seen us have told me "you two are in love."
As terrible as it sounds, I NEVER felt this way with my wife. She's a good woman, and has been loyal ... but I cannot live in an uptight, loud, household under constant 24 hour stress. I just cannot. And I cannot deny how I feel my this fantastic woman.
Now, I am not putting her on a pedestal. She's just as flawed as anyone else ... and she's been married three times. Yes, I know what you are thinking. I thought that, too at one point. But, I know how I feel and how she makes me feel. You cannot fake what we have when we're together. Every minute we spend together is magical. Corny, I know.
So I am not asking for advice per se. I know I am in for a real horror show. However, my alternative is I forgo my own happiness forever.
Put the internet to work for you.
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