I've been reading a lot of the threads here and, until now, not wanting to post my experience (not wanting to air my dirty laundry in public, so to speak). But now I find myself at a crossroads in life and any input would be very much appreciated.
Background story goes like this. Been with wife for 6 years, married 4 years and we have a 4 year old son. I am originally from Scotland and now living in USA - my wife is American. We met online through Second Life (some may be familiar with this "game" - for want of a better word for it). Our relationship grew online, then me vacationing in the states, her moving to Scotland for 6 months (in Sept 2008), me proposing, her falling pregnant, to me moving over permanently (Dec 2009) 4 years ago and us marrying.
During her stay in Scotland (it was early on in the relationship Oct 2008), I discovered she was having an EA through Second Life. I was devastated due to the lies and deceit she brought to the relationship. However, I forgave her (mistake #1) and rebuilt my trust in her such that I proposed Dec 2008).
Forward a little to the past few months. I have been working particularly long hours during the week and she has been staying home looking after our son (she does work weekends). Needless to say I have been exhausted when I come home from work and our married life had deteriorated to the point that sex was very infrequent and the intimacy had all but evaporated - not because I didn't want to, just that I was too darn tired to do anything! Warning signals were sent by my wife that the intimacy was lacking, but I ignored them (mistake #2).
Fast forward to April 2014. We had a huge argument that lasted a couple of days (the cause isn't important - I can't even remember what it was about). The upshot was she announced she was leaving with our son, and going to live with her dad (who lives about 10 mins drive from us). I was devastated by this blindsided announcement. After about 2 weeks, she emailed me saying she wanted to return and we should try to R. I agreed and things were great - our sex life returned with a bang and I really felt we survived a glitch in our relationship.
A couple of weeks of R, then one Saturday she was at work and I was innocently searching on her computer for something when I came across a profile on Second Life. This female was very much in love with a guy in both SL and in real life. This got me intrigued and lo and behold, the login to SL on my wife's PC was this same female. 6 years of hard work came back to haunt me and I IM'd my wife while she was at work. She instantly denied it was her, saying it was a friend she was helping. After discussing it with her, I did some snooping and there were too many coincidences on THAT profile - I believed the profile was that of my wife. When she came home, I tried to keep calm but I couldn't contain myself and continued to ask questions. Long shot was she announced she was going back to her dad's (with son in tow).
Brings me to today. She is still at her dad's. I have my son from Friday after work to Sunday afternoon (when she finishes her work). I also see him Wednesdays when I am off work (sometimes I pick him up on Tues after my work). I have tried the 180 to get myself through this and I have convinced myself there is no way I could ever trust her again - through the EA or by walking out on the marriage. We have also drafted an informal separation letter and notarized, spelling out the custody and financial arrangements we have agreed to. My crossroads is this - while she is still my wife and mother to my son, plus the hard work we have put into the relationship, I really can't see this working due to the trust issues I have. I haven't had any IC (she is though) although I have discovered a long lost faith through church which is helping.
Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated.
Background story goes like this. Been with wife for 6 years, married 4 years and we have a 4 year old son. I am originally from Scotland and now living in USA - my wife is American. We met online through Second Life (some may be familiar with this "game" - for want of a better word for it). Our relationship grew online, then me vacationing in the states, her moving to Scotland for 6 months (in Sept 2008), me proposing, her falling pregnant, to me moving over permanently (Dec 2009) 4 years ago and us marrying.
During her stay in Scotland (it was early on in the relationship Oct 2008), I discovered she was having an EA through Second Life. I was devastated due to the lies and deceit she brought to the relationship. However, I forgave her (mistake #1) and rebuilt my trust in her such that I proposed Dec 2008).
Forward a little to the past few months. I have been working particularly long hours during the week and she has been staying home looking after our son (she does work weekends). Needless to say I have been exhausted when I come home from work and our married life had deteriorated to the point that sex was very infrequent and the intimacy had all but evaporated - not because I didn't want to, just that I was too darn tired to do anything! Warning signals were sent by my wife that the intimacy was lacking, but I ignored them (mistake #2).
Fast forward to April 2014. We had a huge argument that lasted a couple of days (the cause isn't important - I can't even remember what it was about). The upshot was she announced she was leaving with our son, and going to live with her dad (who lives about 10 mins drive from us). I was devastated by this blindsided announcement. After about 2 weeks, she emailed me saying she wanted to return and we should try to R. I agreed and things were great - our sex life returned with a bang and I really felt we survived a glitch in our relationship.
A couple of weeks of R, then one Saturday she was at work and I was innocently searching on her computer for something when I came across a profile on Second Life. This female was very much in love with a guy in both SL and in real life. This got me intrigued and lo and behold, the login to SL on my wife's PC was this same female. 6 years of hard work came back to haunt me and I IM'd my wife while she was at work. She instantly denied it was her, saying it was a friend she was helping. After discussing it with her, I did some snooping and there were too many coincidences on THAT profile - I believed the profile was that of my wife. When she came home, I tried to keep calm but I couldn't contain myself and continued to ask questions. Long shot was she announced she was going back to her dad's (with son in tow).
Brings me to today. She is still at her dad's. I have my son from Friday after work to Sunday afternoon (when she finishes her work). I also see him Wednesdays when I am off work (sometimes I pick him up on Tues after my work). I have tried the 180 to get myself through this and I have convinced myself there is no way I could ever trust her again - through the EA or by walking out on the marriage. We have also drafted an informal separation letter and notarized, spelling out the custody and financial arrangements we have agreed to. My crossroads is this - while she is still my wife and mother to my son, plus the hard work we have put into the relationship, I really can't see this working due to the trust issues I have. I haven't had any IC (she is though) although I have discovered a long lost faith through church which is helping.
Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated.
Put the internet to work for you.
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