Hi everyone,
It's been 2.5 years since my ex confessed his affair to me. Since then, I've made a lot of changes in my life, including moving over 2000 miles from him. Starting over, y'know?
During this past 2.5 years, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I deliberately didn't date because I didn't feel I was ready.
In October last year, I started a new job. A few months later, several other warehouses closed and the people re-located to our warehouse.
I struck up a friendship with a man who I'll call 'A', who is about 14 years younger than me. But we hit it off quite well. As the months progressed, I learned a lot about him. His first and second wife cheated on him, and his most recent g/f went back to her husband several months ago. She went back to her h. "for the kids". 'A' figured that their relationship was done.
Meanwhile, 'A' and I had begun to flirt with each other. One day he gave me his number and I gave him mine. I don't remember what happened but that night we ended up having a marathon texting session lasting for over 5 hours. We learned that we had a lot in common, and we acknowledged that we had a strong attraction toward one another. Over the next few days, our texting started to become sexual (something I've never done before, and he says that he's never done before either). After about a week, I got up the nerve to kiss him...
From that point, our turned HIGHLY sexual. It was obvious that despite our difference in age, we both wanted each other...which finally happened only a few days ago.
Now, this guy is the all-around great guy. He's bright, physically attractive, even-tempered, funny, witty, etc. He's by far, the 'total package'. I was falling in serious "like" with this guy.
This morning was the second time we had sex. Afterwards, we were talking about his ex and it struck me; she will want him back. They met while she was having an in-house separation (nothing on paper) with her husband. 'A' was with her for about a year or so before she told him that she had to try with her h. again for her kids. They broke up several months ago. 'A' was convinced that they probably wouldn't get back together. I repeated a few times, "She's GOING to call you".
I left his house this morning feeling like I was on cloud nine. I was really smitten by this guy. But I knew I had to protect my heart from possibly getting hurt, so I pulled the reins in on my feelings.
Lo and behold, I get a text this evening. She called him. She told him that her h. moved away, and that she wants to try (with 'A') again. I knew that 'A' was head over heels in love with her, and really wants to be with her. 'A' apologized profusely to me, and wants to still be friends (we always said to each other that we would remain friends, even if the sexual aspect of our relationship ends). I will be seeing him in several hours just to talk and kind of solidify where we stand with each other. After all, we will still be working together.
I don't feel that 'A' was a jerk. I'm obviously sad about this, but I know that I'll get over it. But I keep feeling that after everything I've read on TAM and other sites, I STILL made a mistake by picking the wrong guy. Hence, the title of my thread.
I'm not quite sure what to expect now that we're 'only' going to be friends, so my question is this: Is he just saying that because he wants to let me down easier, or is he interested in a REAL friendship with me?
ETA: One of my concerns is whether or not his relationship with her will last. He has been very hurt before, and I don't want to see him get hurt again. Would love to advise him, but I wouldn't know what to say...
Right now, I feel sort of...lost, and I'm looking for a shoulder to cry on. Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks.
Vega
It's been 2.5 years since my ex confessed his affair to me. Since then, I've made a lot of changes in my life, including moving over 2000 miles from him. Starting over, y'know?
During this past 2.5 years, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I deliberately didn't date because I didn't feel I was ready.
In October last year, I started a new job. A few months later, several other warehouses closed and the people re-located to our warehouse.
I struck up a friendship with a man who I'll call 'A', who is about 14 years younger than me. But we hit it off quite well. As the months progressed, I learned a lot about him. His first and second wife cheated on him, and his most recent g/f went back to her husband several months ago. She went back to her h. "for the kids". 'A' figured that their relationship was done.
Meanwhile, 'A' and I had begun to flirt with each other. One day he gave me his number and I gave him mine. I don't remember what happened but that night we ended up having a marathon texting session lasting for over 5 hours. We learned that we had a lot in common, and we acknowledged that we had a strong attraction toward one another. Over the next few days, our texting started to become sexual (something I've never done before, and he says that he's never done before either). After about a week, I got up the nerve to kiss him...
From that point, our turned HIGHLY sexual. It was obvious that despite our difference in age, we both wanted each other...which finally happened only a few days ago.
Now, this guy is the all-around great guy. He's bright, physically attractive, even-tempered, funny, witty, etc. He's by far, the 'total package'. I was falling in serious "like" with this guy.
This morning was the second time we had sex. Afterwards, we were talking about his ex and it struck me; she will want him back. They met while she was having an in-house separation (nothing on paper) with her husband. 'A' was with her for about a year or so before she told him that she had to try with her h. again for her kids. They broke up several months ago. 'A' was convinced that they probably wouldn't get back together. I repeated a few times, "She's GOING to call you".
I left his house this morning feeling like I was on cloud nine. I was really smitten by this guy. But I knew I had to protect my heart from possibly getting hurt, so I pulled the reins in on my feelings.
Lo and behold, I get a text this evening. She called him. She told him that her h. moved away, and that she wants to try (with 'A') again. I knew that 'A' was head over heels in love with her, and really wants to be with her. 'A' apologized profusely to me, and wants to still be friends (we always said to each other that we would remain friends, even if the sexual aspect of our relationship ends). I will be seeing him in several hours just to talk and kind of solidify where we stand with each other. After all, we will still be working together.
I don't feel that 'A' was a jerk. I'm obviously sad about this, but I know that I'll get over it. But I keep feeling that after everything I've read on TAM and other sites, I STILL made a mistake by picking the wrong guy. Hence, the title of my thread.
I'm not quite sure what to expect now that we're 'only' going to be friends, so my question is this: Is he just saying that because he wants to let me down easier, or is he interested in a REAL friendship with me?
ETA: One of my concerns is whether or not his relationship with her will last. He has been very hurt before, and I don't want to see him get hurt again. Would love to advise him, but I wouldn't know what to say...
Right now, I feel sort of...lost, and I'm looking for a shoulder to cry on. Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks.
Vega
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