Ladies, first let me thank you for reading and possibly responding to this. This will be my first post on this forum and I am a married husband seeking marital advice. Here is my situation:
Married for 14 years, have 2 kids under the age of 8. I got married young when I was 24 and my wife was 21. I had just completed college and my wife was a sophomore in college. We decided mutually to move away to the beach and start our life. I got a job that paid the bills but nothing more and my wife worked in a government office making a good salary. My wife's parents were paying for her college but she and they decided that she would quit school and use the college money on our wedding ( dumb move I know.)
Fast forward three years and my wife tires of working as a secretary and wants to go back to school to get a degree in education. We agree that she can do this and I will pay for her degree entirely- which takes 3 years and I do so. I am so in love at this point that I also buy my wife a new sportscar as well as support us and pay for school as we go with my regular job. Needless to say that this is a major stretch on our finances but we manage to do this without generating debt by eating ramen noodles and doing nothing extracurricular for that entire time. My wife graduates and gets a job as a teacher with her degree. We live for 2 years on good incomes and save up for a home which we buy. Then my wife decides she wants to have a child and stay at home. I agree and this is what happens.
Fast forward another 7 years and I have been paying for everything for our now 2 kids while my wife stays at home with them except on the weekends when she works as a daycare worker making 10 bucks an hour for 12 hours a week. Needless to say we have zero money to do anything but our kids are our #1 priority and her staying home with them is our number one concern. When this situation was discussed originally it was agreed upon that she would stay home, do the home chores inside, and make sure meals were on the table. That did not happen. She occasionally does chores, makes just heat and serve meals, and focuses on having fun and doing active things with our children only. I am stuck doing chores and other things like grocery shopping, yard work (which I agreed to do), and cleaning the house because I cannot deal with living in filth (by filth I mean unvaccumed dirty floors, dusty furniture, dishes in the sink constantly, dirty bathrooms, and toys everywhere all the time . Anytime I discuss this with her all that I get is "my main concern is that the kids have fun, not if we have a clean house or learning to cook." This constantly pisses me off.
Fast forward to present day and my kids are not entering regular school and preschool so I think that my wife will return to teaching and help out financially so that we can hire a maid and live a regular life. We live in a nice house, drive new cars (leased but modest cars), and survive on my salary alone. She gets a job as a teacher in my youngest son's preschool working 20 hours a week and works as a daycare worker in a church on Sunday mornings for 4 hours a week. I think this is just temporary until my son enters kindergarten but I have recently been told that she does not want to return to work as a teacher full time because it is "too stressful and takes up too much time."
This really pisses me off for several reasons. On one hand she is not using her degree that I paid for at all, so I feel like I got screwed over for 3 years paying for that. On the other hand I feel that she is just concerned with herself and is screwing the other 3 of us out of a more comfortable life so that she can continue only working 20 hours a week at a job she loves.
This is all building up inside of me to the point where I want to do something insane like have an affair so that I can escape this life that I live in. Any advice is appreciated with me or against me. I know that there are two sides of every story and I know I have not written anything negative about me. I just need some help because at this point I am looking for an escape in all of the wrong places although I have not done anything yet, I refuse to get divorced until my kids are out of the house and frankly that is the plan now.
Married for 14 years, have 2 kids under the age of 8. I got married young when I was 24 and my wife was 21. I had just completed college and my wife was a sophomore in college. We decided mutually to move away to the beach and start our life. I got a job that paid the bills but nothing more and my wife worked in a government office making a good salary. My wife's parents were paying for her college but she and they decided that she would quit school and use the college money on our wedding ( dumb move I know.)
Fast forward three years and my wife tires of working as a secretary and wants to go back to school to get a degree in education. We agree that she can do this and I will pay for her degree entirely- which takes 3 years and I do so. I am so in love at this point that I also buy my wife a new sportscar as well as support us and pay for school as we go with my regular job. Needless to say that this is a major stretch on our finances but we manage to do this without generating debt by eating ramen noodles and doing nothing extracurricular for that entire time. My wife graduates and gets a job as a teacher with her degree. We live for 2 years on good incomes and save up for a home which we buy. Then my wife decides she wants to have a child and stay at home. I agree and this is what happens.
Fast forward another 7 years and I have been paying for everything for our now 2 kids while my wife stays at home with them except on the weekends when she works as a daycare worker making 10 bucks an hour for 12 hours a week. Needless to say we have zero money to do anything but our kids are our #1 priority and her staying home with them is our number one concern. When this situation was discussed originally it was agreed upon that she would stay home, do the home chores inside, and make sure meals were on the table. That did not happen. She occasionally does chores, makes just heat and serve meals, and focuses on having fun and doing active things with our children only. I am stuck doing chores and other things like grocery shopping, yard work (which I agreed to do), and cleaning the house because I cannot deal with living in filth (by filth I mean unvaccumed dirty floors, dusty furniture, dishes in the sink constantly, dirty bathrooms, and toys everywhere all the time . Anytime I discuss this with her all that I get is "my main concern is that the kids have fun, not if we have a clean house or learning to cook." This constantly pisses me off.
Fast forward to present day and my kids are not entering regular school and preschool so I think that my wife will return to teaching and help out financially so that we can hire a maid and live a regular life. We live in a nice house, drive new cars (leased but modest cars), and survive on my salary alone. She gets a job as a teacher in my youngest son's preschool working 20 hours a week and works as a daycare worker in a church on Sunday mornings for 4 hours a week. I think this is just temporary until my son enters kindergarten but I have recently been told that she does not want to return to work as a teacher full time because it is "too stressful and takes up too much time."
This really pisses me off for several reasons. On one hand she is not using her degree that I paid for at all, so I feel like I got screwed over for 3 years paying for that. On the other hand I feel that she is just concerned with herself and is screwing the other 3 of us out of a more comfortable life so that she can continue only working 20 hours a week at a job she loves.
This is all building up inside of me to the point where I want to do something insane like have an affair so that I can escape this life that I live in. Any advice is appreciated with me or against me. I know that there are two sides of every story and I know I have not written anything negative about me. I just need some help because at this point I am looking for an escape in all of the wrong places although I have not done anything yet, I refuse to get divorced until my kids are out of the house and frankly that is the plan now.
Put the internet to work for you.
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