Hello everyone. It's been a while for me on this forum. While stopping in for a look, a thought occurred to me and I thought I would share it. The other day, I was bringing my daughter home from work. About half way home, her phone rang. It was the boy she had just ended her relationship with.
I could hear his side of the conversation too because he was talking so loudly. He was angry, hurt and maybe a little bit desperate. The one line that stands out in the conversation for me is when she told him that "I guess you just don't make me happy."
She is a veritable "Ruby Gloom". She suffers from a depression that I can't understand. She seems to look at life under a microscope, seeking out the negative things that make her feel bad. I don't get it, but what I do know that while she is an extreme case, she is asking the impossible: "Make me happy". It is completely unreasonable and unfair to expect and to look to another person to "make" you happy. A person cannot make you happy any more than they can make you thirsty.
Now, I know... A lot of people are going to tell me that I am wrong and that I don't know what I am talking about. Your emotional well-being begins and ends with you. Don't try to push that responsibility off onto anyone else. It is too much to ask... After all, your partner has enough on their plate with their own happiness. It is okay to FIND happiness in being with someone who enhances your emotions but you can't expect them to do all the work for both of you.
I went through an anger management class one time. The first thing the doctor asked the group was "Who makes you angry?" Everyone had the name of some person to shout out. But the last person to answer had the correct answer. She said "I make myself angry." WE make a split-second decision about every emotion that we feel... Happiness, sadness, anger... Makes no difference. The circumstances or thoughts we have are the first step in the emotion decision making.
Think about this for a moment. You are driving down the freeway and someone comes blazing past you and nearly cuts you off trying to beat a lane closure at the last second. Immediately, you are angry because that person was driving like a maniac. Road Rage anyone? But what if the same incident happened, only this time, it was your best friend who passed you? You would feel a completely different emotion - and this is the decision making process.
So, to say to someone: "You don't make me happy anymore" implies that at some point, they held the reigns and controlled your emotions, which would be unfair for them and dangerous for you to hand that level of control over to someone else. Sure. people can do things to you that will lead to a bad mood, but ultimately it is you who decides and reacts appropriately in order to keep your mood positive. Is someone being abusive to you? Then you leave and pursue your happiness without them. Focus on YOU because that is the only thing you have control over!
Have a great day! :)
I could hear his side of the conversation too because he was talking so loudly. He was angry, hurt and maybe a little bit desperate. The one line that stands out in the conversation for me is when she told him that "I guess you just don't make me happy."
She is a veritable "Ruby Gloom". She suffers from a depression that I can't understand. She seems to look at life under a microscope, seeking out the negative things that make her feel bad. I don't get it, but what I do know that while she is an extreme case, she is asking the impossible: "Make me happy". It is completely unreasonable and unfair to expect and to look to another person to "make" you happy. A person cannot make you happy any more than they can make you thirsty.
Now, I know... A lot of people are going to tell me that I am wrong and that I don't know what I am talking about. Your emotional well-being begins and ends with you. Don't try to push that responsibility off onto anyone else. It is too much to ask... After all, your partner has enough on their plate with their own happiness. It is okay to FIND happiness in being with someone who enhances your emotions but you can't expect them to do all the work for both of you.
I went through an anger management class one time. The first thing the doctor asked the group was "Who makes you angry?" Everyone had the name of some person to shout out. But the last person to answer had the correct answer. She said "I make myself angry." WE make a split-second decision about every emotion that we feel... Happiness, sadness, anger... Makes no difference. The circumstances or thoughts we have are the first step in the emotion decision making.
Think about this for a moment. You are driving down the freeway and someone comes blazing past you and nearly cuts you off trying to beat a lane closure at the last second. Immediately, you are angry because that person was driving like a maniac. Road Rage anyone? But what if the same incident happened, only this time, it was your best friend who passed you? You would feel a completely different emotion - and this is the decision making process.
So, to say to someone: "You don't make me happy anymore" implies that at some point, they held the reigns and controlled your emotions, which would be unfair for them and dangerous for you to hand that level of control over to someone else. Sure. people can do things to you that will lead to a bad mood, but ultimately it is you who decides and reacts appropriately in order to keep your mood positive. Is someone being abusive to you? Then you leave and pursue your happiness without them. Focus on YOU because that is the only thing you have control over!
Have a great day! :)
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