I wonder how long this thread would be "allowed" to exist without howling and pandemonium breaking out? After all, it is reasonable and okay for a Loyal Spouse to make sweeping judgements about "all betrayers" but could a Disloyal ever get away with this? Could we ever even suggest one disparaging thought without being told we are blameshifting? Did it ever occur to anyone that maybe one of the reasons that EI, and Regret, MrsAdams and I were able to successfully reconcile with our Loyal Spouses is that they were willing to a) not villify us and b) just look at their side.
We (the Disloyals who have kind of stuck it out) have all said a zillion times that what was on our side of the street was ours and ours alone. Full weight and responsibility for the consequences of cheating fall squarely on us. But that in no way excuses Loyals from what may or may not fall on them! I know for a fact that one of the reasons I am with my Dear Hubby is that he did not just point fingers and blame me, but we worked TOGETHER as a team to see, "Well I do tend to close down when I'm grieving" "Well I do tend to get needy when I'm grieving" "Here's what I can do about my shutting down" "Here's what I can do about my neediness."
Now we can debate for a month of Sundays, and we can disagree for a month of Sundays--doesn't bother me one bit. But what DOES bother me is one group (Loyal Spouses) acting as if it is 'okay' or even normal to cut down another whole group (Disloyal Spouses)!
I suspect I'll get into some deep doodoo, and yet a thread JUST LIKE THIS is on page 9, talking like this about Disloyal Spouses. If that thread can stay up, I wonder if 9 pages of disparaging Loyals would be equally tolerated??
IF NOT, then I'm sorry but I'll call a spade a spade: in my opinion that's hypocritical.
We (the Disloyals who have kind of stuck it out) have all said a zillion times that what was on our side of the street was ours and ours alone. Full weight and responsibility for the consequences of cheating fall squarely on us. But that in no way excuses Loyals from what may or may not fall on them! I know for a fact that one of the reasons I am with my Dear Hubby is that he did not just point fingers and blame me, but we worked TOGETHER as a team to see, "Well I do tend to close down when I'm grieving" "Well I do tend to get needy when I'm grieving" "Here's what I can do about my shutting down" "Here's what I can do about my neediness."
Now we can debate for a month of Sundays, and we can disagree for a month of Sundays--doesn't bother me one bit. But what DOES bother me is one group (Loyal Spouses) acting as if it is 'okay' or even normal to cut down another whole group (Disloyal Spouses)!
I suspect I'll get into some deep doodoo, and yet a thread JUST LIKE THIS is on page 9, talking like this about Disloyal Spouses. If that thread can stay up, I wonder if 9 pages of disparaging Loyals would be equally tolerated??
IF NOT, then I'm sorry but I'll call a spade a spade: in my opinion that's hypocritical.
Put the internet to work for you.
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