Our marriage hasn't been happy in years. About four years ago during a particularly rough patch, my husband proposed we live separate lives under the same roof. That we just keep up appearances for the sake of family and friends, but that's it. For him, it seemed like the most logical answer to our marital problems.
Since then, we've tried to make our marriage better. At least I've tried. Sometimes I think he's just giving me lip service, saying what I want to hear (I love you) and then dong what he wants to do, which is to live a separate life under the same roof.
He's so good at smiling, being pleasant, helping out, putting on a show in front of our son, he's very civilized but it's all veneer. I hear about things going on in his life from other people. I read his FB newsfeed to keep up with what's new. At the same time he's also very good at subtle put downs, insincere compliments, looking at his phone when I speak, ignoring me if I ask a question he doesn't want to answer. We don't do anything together. He rarely seeks me out to spend time with him. He never asks for my opinions or ask questions about what's going on in my life, and when I share he doesn't show much interest.
Last year I was planning a divorce but he didn't want to break up the marriage, he told me he loved me and we both vowed to work harder at pulling our marriage back together again. And for the first couple of months he was immensely supportive, but over time he just lost the plot and defaulted to his "separate lives under one roof" mode.
And his life is thriving! His work is his passion. He's involved with so many fantastic projects, he's one of those people where you can't draw a line between his work and his life. His work is his life. He's brilliant, and I've supported him in all of his choices 100%.
But I am mired in misery. Every day I feel the sting of rejection, when he smiles his fake smile at me, and gives me lukewarm platitudes. I'm actually suffering from depression and I'm on medication these past 6 months because my moods are like a rollercoaster and can get very dark. Maybe it's easier for him to live separate lives under one roof, maybe he can just compartmentalize me and our marriage and wrap us up in a nice box and push it to the back of his mind. But I can't do that. I am aching for a real relationship with this man.
I just feel lost. Thanks for listening.
Since then, we've tried to make our marriage better. At least I've tried. Sometimes I think he's just giving me lip service, saying what I want to hear (I love you) and then dong what he wants to do, which is to live a separate life under the same roof.
He's so good at smiling, being pleasant, helping out, putting on a show in front of our son, he's very civilized but it's all veneer. I hear about things going on in his life from other people. I read his FB newsfeed to keep up with what's new. At the same time he's also very good at subtle put downs, insincere compliments, looking at his phone when I speak, ignoring me if I ask a question he doesn't want to answer. We don't do anything together. He rarely seeks me out to spend time with him. He never asks for my opinions or ask questions about what's going on in my life, and when I share he doesn't show much interest.
Last year I was planning a divorce but he didn't want to break up the marriage, he told me he loved me and we both vowed to work harder at pulling our marriage back together again. And for the first couple of months he was immensely supportive, but over time he just lost the plot and defaulted to his "separate lives under one roof" mode.
And his life is thriving! His work is his passion. He's involved with so many fantastic projects, he's one of those people where you can't draw a line between his work and his life. His work is his life. He's brilliant, and I've supported him in all of his choices 100%.
But I am mired in misery. Every day I feel the sting of rejection, when he smiles his fake smile at me, and gives me lukewarm platitudes. I'm actually suffering from depression and I'm on medication these past 6 months because my moods are like a rollercoaster and can get very dark. Maybe it's easier for him to live separate lives under one roof, maybe he can just compartmentalize me and our marriage and wrap us up in a nice box and push it to the back of his mind. But I can't do that. I am aching for a real relationship with this man.
I just feel lost. Thanks for listening.
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