Am I crazy or do I have a valid point?
I have been having an on-going debate with my husband for about a year now. It began in August 2013 when my husband started missing work. August and September, it was just one day per week, then in October 2 days per week and December 3 days per week. His boss did speak to him about his chronic absenteeism but did not fire. Finally in April of this year, they hired someone to "help" him out to ensure that someone was always in the meat shop. (He works in a grocery store.) The absenteeism has continued and about a month ago, his work cut his hours to 18-24 per week.
Now, the reason for my husband's absenteeism is his back, he complains it is sore and he cannot work full-time....it is just too sore. Due to him not working as much as he can, I have taken over all the finances and he "chips" in. This has been our arrangement for the past three years. I'm not happy with this arrangement because I feel it is doesn't give my husband any responsibility in the household and I think he feels he doesn't need to work because with my income we live comfortably. However, I do worry what would happen if I had taken off work due to injury/sickness or if we ever had a child. Would I be able to take time off or would I have to worry about finances and force myself to return to work early? I live in Canada where women get one year off for maternity leave.
Back to the question, am I crazy? Since my husband has lots of time off due to his work schedule, he has a lot of free time. During his free time, he participates in sports. Today he told me after work he is going mountain biking and making jumps that he can fool around on. He also wants to buy a dirt bike to do much of the same thing. I find this aggravating because he can participate in his extreme sports but can't work full time. He responds that he can only do these extreme sports for short periods of time and quits when his back gets too sore. I feel that he should not even be participating in these sports until his back is completely healed and he can work full time and contribute more to the household. He thinks I am absurd and I just don't understand.
I feel my husband is taking advantage of me and has high expectations. For example, it is my job to work and then come home and cook dinner because his back is just too sore after work to do this. I have tried talking about this numerous time with my husband and he just tells me when his back is better he will start working more and to stop pestering him about what he chooses to do in his free time because it's his life. He also doesn't think his back will ever get better so this is going to be a lifelong issue.
I'm at the point now where I'm thinking of leaving him. Since he feels like his back won't get better, I feel like I'm just going to have to deal with his lack of work ethic for life and I don't want to anymore. I feel used up like I'm not important or anything I have to say is unimportant. I want to avoid divorce as I believe marriage is for life so how do I get my husband to understand that I can't deal with this situation anymore and he needs to be more accountable. I feel like talking does nothing. Are there any other options I could try?
I have been having an on-going debate with my husband for about a year now. It began in August 2013 when my husband started missing work. August and September, it was just one day per week, then in October 2 days per week and December 3 days per week. His boss did speak to him about his chronic absenteeism but did not fire. Finally in April of this year, they hired someone to "help" him out to ensure that someone was always in the meat shop. (He works in a grocery store.) The absenteeism has continued and about a month ago, his work cut his hours to 18-24 per week.
Now, the reason for my husband's absenteeism is his back, he complains it is sore and he cannot work full-time....it is just too sore. Due to him not working as much as he can, I have taken over all the finances and he "chips" in. This has been our arrangement for the past three years. I'm not happy with this arrangement because I feel it is doesn't give my husband any responsibility in the household and I think he feels he doesn't need to work because with my income we live comfortably. However, I do worry what would happen if I had taken off work due to injury/sickness or if we ever had a child. Would I be able to take time off or would I have to worry about finances and force myself to return to work early? I live in Canada where women get one year off for maternity leave.
Back to the question, am I crazy? Since my husband has lots of time off due to his work schedule, he has a lot of free time. During his free time, he participates in sports. Today he told me after work he is going mountain biking and making jumps that he can fool around on. He also wants to buy a dirt bike to do much of the same thing. I find this aggravating because he can participate in his extreme sports but can't work full time. He responds that he can only do these extreme sports for short periods of time and quits when his back gets too sore. I feel that he should not even be participating in these sports until his back is completely healed and he can work full time and contribute more to the household. He thinks I am absurd and I just don't understand.
I feel my husband is taking advantage of me and has high expectations. For example, it is my job to work and then come home and cook dinner because his back is just too sore after work to do this. I have tried talking about this numerous time with my husband and he just tells me when his back is better he will start working more and to stop pestering him about what he chooses to do in his free time because it's his life. He also doesn't think his back will ever get better so this is going to be a lifelong issue.
I'm at the point now where I'm thinking of leaving him. Since he feels like his back won't get better, I feel like I'm just going to have to deal with his lack of work ethic for life and I don't want to anymore. I feel used up like I'm not important or anything I have to say is unimportant. I want to avoid divorce as I believe marriage is for life so how do I get my husband to understand that I can't deal with this situation anymore and he needs to be more accountable. I feel like talking does nothing. Are there any other options I could try?
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