FWH and I have been in R since I learned 3 years ago tomorrow that he had a LTA and then learned 1.5 years into R that he had a previous LTA 23 years ago.
We both had a little MC, I continued with IC for over a year, have read every website, book, I can get my hands on to learn to let it go, forgive and move on. I have tried everything but hypnosis(which I seriously consider, how stupid is that!) but on bad days remain stuck with obsessive thoughts, triggers, speculation on whether I made the right decision to R, jealousy, suspicion, etc. On good days, I can find happiness and contentment, but its always overshadowed by the knowledge of what he did for so long. Just cant seem to forgive him for the length of As and that he brought AP#2 into our home and bed. I have completely analyzed my contribution to the dysfunctional marriage that led to his As and take 50% responsibility.
Unfortunately my H has not been the perfect FWS in that he TT, rugswept, and just prefers not to talk about it but will grudgingly discuss if I press. He refused to read anything about infidelity and does not admit or share that he has fully examined his motives, issues that caused the 2 As. But to be fair, he has expressed remorse, shame, love for me, wanting to make amends, knows how deeply he hurt me. He claims he never thinks about the APs, fully satisfied with me sexually, etc.
So WTF is wrong with me? I have got to find a way to get over this and move on. Can anyone who has weathered R this long give some advice as to what more I can do? All I can think of is more IC or MC but dread the rehashing of details that would be necessary to bring new Cs up to speed. What is the magic formula to enable me to forgive, love fully and trust again?
We both had a little MC, I continued with IC for over a year, have read every website, book, I can get my hands on to learn to let it go, forgive and move on. I have tried everything but hypnosis(which I seriously consider, how stupid is that!) but on bad days remain stuck with obsessive thoughts, triggers, speculation on whether I made the right decision to R, jealousy, suspicion, etc. On good days, I can find happiness and contentment, but its always overshadowed by the knowledge of what he did for so long. Just cant seem to forgive him for the length of As and that he brought AP#2 into our home and bed. I have completely analyzed my contribution to the dysfunctional marriage that led to his As and take 50% responsibility.
Unfortunately my H has not been the perfect FWS in that he TT, rugswept, and just prefers not to talk about it but will grudgingly discuss if I press. He refused to read anything about infidelity and does not admit or share that he has fully examined his motives, issues that caused the 2 As. But to be fair, he has expressed remorse, shame, love for me, wanting to make amends, knows how deeply he hurt me. He claims he never thinks about the APs, fully satisfied with me sexually, etc.
So WTF is wrong with me? I have got to find a way to get over this and move on. Can anyone who has weathered R this long give some advice as to what more I can do? All I can think of is more IC or MC but dread the rehashing of details that would be necessary to bring new Cs up to speed. What is the magic formula to enable me to forgive, love fully and trust again?
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