Firstly, I'd like to say thanks to all of the posters I've spoken with over the years on TAM. Most are very helpful and insightful and have the best of intentions at heart. You guys/gals are great, and I hope you keep it up.
I have been posting here a fair bit but have dropped back to being more of an observer the last year or so. Still, great info and advice most of the time, glad to see it's being kept up.
To any new posters, I offer one piece of advice before you go forward into trying to solve your sexual issues in your relationship/marriage. Be sure you have a partner who wants to solve them as well.
And I mean really be sure. Not just says they want to but actually puts forward the effort as well. Anyone can say they want to, but if you truly want something you work toward achieving it and make an honest effort to do so.
Anything in marriage, whether it be finances, children, sex, whatever, it all should be viewed from a team concept. There is two people on this team, so if one of you isn't wanting to work to improve the situation then that means 50% of the team isn't working toward that improvement. No team can improve with only half of it making a full effort to do so.
That doesn't mean there's something wrong with your spouse, and your partner shouldn't be thrown under the bus, they certainly can still care about you a lot as a whole, but there's also little point in working toward achieving a goal that requires both people to put in substantial effort when only one of you have a definitive interest in doing so.
Reading through so many posts, there is a lot of frustration on these boards from posters who have said "I tried X, Y and Z, and then tried Q and S as well and it didn't help." That's likely because your partner just isn't interested in sex, or interested in sex with you. Until your partner comes around and wants to make things better, there's not much point digging to deeply on these boards. Solve that issue first, because that is the real root problem. If your partner equates having sex with you to doing a load of laundry or reshingling the roof, it doesn't matter how much you study up on giving good oral or doing the reverse cowgirl. It may help briefly, but you'll quickly return to square one. Get him/her to want to improve the sex life, then work on improving it.
Easier said than done I know, but it's best to focus your energy on the solution than on finding a band-aid.
I have been posting here a fair bit but have dropped back to being more of an observer the last year or so. Still, great info and advice most of the time, glad to see it's being kept up.
To any new posters, I offer one piece of advice before you go forward into trying to solve your sexual issues in your relationship/marriage. Be sure you have a partner who wants to solve them as well.
And I mean really be sure. Not just says they want to but actually puts forward the effort as well. Anyone can say they want to, but if you truly want something you work toward achieving it and make an honest effort to do so.
Anything in marriage, whether it be finances, children, sex, whatever, it all should be viewed from a team concept. There is two people on this team, so if one of you isn't wanting to work to improve the situation then that means 50% of the team isn't working toward that improvement. No team can improve with only half of it making a full effort to do so.
That doesn't mean there's something wrong with your spouse, and your partner shouldn't be thrown under the bus, they certainly can still care about you a lot as a whole, but there's also little point in working toward achieving a goal that requires both people to put in substantial effort when only one of you have a definitive interest in doing so.
Reading through so many posts, there is a lot of frustration on these boards from posters who have said "I tried X, Y and Z, and then tried Q and S as well and it didn't help." That's likely because your partner just isn't interested in sex, or interested in sex with you. Until your partner comes around and wants to make things better, there's not much point digging to deeply on these boards. Solve that issue first, because that is the real root problem. If your partner equates having sex with you to doing a load of laundry or reshingling the roof, it doesn't matter how much you study up on giving good oral or doing the reverse cowgirl. It may help briefly, but you'll quickly return to square one. Get him/her to want to improve the sex life, then work on improving it.
Easier said than done I know, but it's best to focus your energy on the solution than on finding a band-aid.
Put the internet to work for you.
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