I've been married for 9 years. I have 2 boys and everything in my marriage looked perfect from the outside. My main issue with the marriage is that I have a very poor sex life. My wife never initiates sex and there are lots of things that she doesn't do anymore. It has caused a lot of resentment but I chose to stick it out with the hopes of things one day getting better. Now I only mention the above because it's the reasoning as to why I cheated on my wife.
There's a woman that I shared a class with last year. I found her attractive but never really payed her too much attention since she was obviously a lot younger than me (8 years younger) and I was married anyway. She sent me a friend request through Facebook which surprised me because I never told her my name. I assumed that she may have gotten it off one of the sign in sheets. We started to chat about homework and eventually talked about our personal lives. She knew I was married because of the pictures on my facebook but she said that she was single. I only wanted to be friends but she pursued me. She showed me the attention that I wasn't getting at home and it didn't help that she was very attractive.
Our semester ended and I suggested that we keep in touch over the summer and perhaps go out sometime. We started going out to dinner, movies etc...... and our friendship blossomed into a sexual relationship. At the time, it felt great. We had sex multiple times per day and she did everything that my wife didn't. It really made me feel good about myself as I started to feel wanted again. I started to work out more and even my wife noticed that I was in a better mood around the house. Sex with my wife didn't bother me that much anymore because I was getting it somewhere else and it was 100 times better. We both knew the arrangement and that this was only a sex/friendship thing. I never promised to leave my wife for her.
Now the problem is that she told me in November that she is pregnant. I used protection every time but I think I may have slipped up once. She wants to keep the baby and only asks that I support her financially. She is fine with keeping this from my wife. This really has me messed up because I know that I really want to be in the kids life. I know that even if I don't tell my wife, she may find out sometime down the line and hate me even more. What if the kid grows up and starts looking for me? These are all questions that are going through my head and it's driving me nuts. I love my wife and my sons and I don't want to hurt them. Knowing my wife, she may want to divorce after she finds this out. I just don't know if or how I should tell her this. I won't be able to sleep at night knowing that I have a child somewhere that needs me. I also owe my own sons a good life and they don't need to be hurt.
What's the best way to avoid a fallout? I've been thinking that maybe I could work up the courage to tell my wife but i'm so ashamed that I don't think I can do it. I've thought about just trying to hide it for as long as I can but I just have a feeling that it will come out one day. This is a mess and I need some good help.
There's a woman that I shared a class with last year. I found her attractive but never really payed her too much attention since she was obviously a lot younger than me (8 years younger) and I was married anyway. She sent me a friend request through Facebook which surprised me because I never told her my name. I assumed that she may have gotten it off one of the sign in sheets. We started to chat about homework and eventually talked about our personal lives. She knew I was married because of the pictures on my facebook but she said that she was single. I only wanted to be friends but she pursued me. She showed me the attention that I wasn't getting at home and it didn't help that she was very attractive.
Our semester ended and I suggested that we keep in touch over the summer and perhaps go out sometime. We started going out to dinner, movies etc...... and our friendship blossomed into a sexual relationship. At the time, it felt great. We had sex multiple times per day and she did everything that my wife didn't. It really made me feel good about myself as I started to feel wanted again. I started to work out more and even my wife noticed that I was in a better mood around the house. Sex with my wife didn't bother me that much anymore because I was getting it somewhere else and it was 100 times better. We both knew the arrangement and that this was only a sex/friendship thing. I never promised to leave my wife for her.
Now the problem is that she told me in November that she is pregnant. I used protection every time but I think I may have slipped up once. She wants to keep the baby and only asks that I support her financially. She is fine with keeping this from my wife. This really has me messed up because I know that I really want to be in the kids life. I know that even if I don't tell my wife, she may find out sometime down the line and hate me even more. What if the kid grows up and starts looking for me? These are all questions that are going through my head and it's driving me nuts. I love my wife and my sons and I don't want to hurt them. Knowing my wife, she may want to divorce after she finds this out. I just don't know if or how I should tell her this. I won't be able to sleep at night knowing that I have a child somewhere that needs me. I also owe my own sons a good life and they don't need to be hurt.
What's the best way to avoid a fallout? I've been thinking that maybe I could work up the courage to tell my wife but i'm so ashamed that I don't think I can do it. I've thought about just trying to hide it for as long as I can but I just have a feeling that it will come out one day. This is a mess and I need some good help.
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