My wife and I, have been married for 20 years, We would have been celebrating our 21st this April. It hurts me dearly that she told me about a month ago, she wants a separation.
This is where it gets complicated, in fact, I just don't get it. ( well Kinda ? )
I was sexually active before we met, in fact we broke up and I came back to her, because she made me realize what I was missing. She has ONLY been with me sexually. That's a problem driving her decision.
She has told me, we married to young, and we need this separation because she feels trapped down, and wants to be able to go out and not feel attached. Also driving this is the fact she is just plain beautiful. Now, one might think I'm biased ( of course ) but it is what it is and she knows it. She feels like she is in her prime an she may miss the boat if you will, this is the only time she feels like she can do this. She's also afraid of getting old, but that's another story lol....
She says she feels like she may be missing out on stuff if she doesn't do this now, and don't want to be arguing with me when were old! really ? she tells me she wants to get old with me and I believe her.
I told her if she messed around while were separated that would be the deal breaker. My values wont allow that to happen, in fact, she wants me to go out and flirt as well, but I just cannot do that. That goes against my common core of values.
I have always been that guy who listens to everything, and try not to be argumentative, but give answers to the problem.
earlier I mentioned I kind of get it because I am the only man she has even been with, and I have been with other woman. But I remind her that when I married her that my clock had reset, and I was a virgin as well. I have never cheated on my wife. I can tell you this, my wife has not cheated on me.
And this is what I'm struggling with.
She respects me enough, to come tell me her problems, rather than just go out and cheat on me. Now, she doesn't directly say she wants sex, but deep down inside, I believe that's what she wants. She doesn't want to hurt me by coming out and saying it. This could be my insecurities talking and I hope so, she just tells me she needs this time to build her network of friends etc.
That's why I'm. giving her what she wants for now, but made it crystal clear that she cant have her cake and eat it too. As mentioned above, My values wont allow this.
Oh, and another thing, its just a verbal, I'm not moving out HOWEVER,
I have moved out of the room, into the downstairs room, taking everything with me, because that's the only way she can truly get her space, without moving out.
It just sucks because on a scale of 1-10 for being sensitive, I'm a 10. Wish I was your typical scumbag that could go out and capitalize on another sexual encounter, but I cant but yet, I have to let her ? hell now, ill give her the space that's it.
I may be all over the place with my thoughts and I'm sorry, but one reason that could explain this is that since day one, we have always spent time together, shopping, whatever, I mean we are ALWAYS together, because we enjoy our time together obviously, and she says this space will get back what she feels like she is missing and come running back to me. We were actually talking about earlier about how she wants to get me another desk, and we should go shopping for one lol, had to remind her of what were talking about. So the spark is still there, she just needs to go out and do her thing. I guess I don't understand fully because woman were made from planet Venus, and man from mars...perhaps ?
Marriage is like a business, if your not changing, your not growing, you have to make sacrifices and work through stuff, if not , you most certainly will fail. That's why were both always working out, being open minded and communicating constantly. Taking care of ourselves so we can still be attractive to each other. Wish she would stop working out lol...sigh
On top of all this, she makes it perfectly clear that this I all her, and I'm doing absolutely nothing wrong. of course I believe her, because she's right. I do want her to be happy.
We had a come to Jesus verbal meting today, and we both agreed the marriage is worth fighting for, and she still wants to get old with me , and we will prove to everyone that it will work.
Anyways, I'm rambling, I have so much more but that's pretty much where the rubber meets the road.
Respectful, courteous questions/comments are appreciated . I would just like another opinion as I have talked about this to others and received theirs.
Have a great day !
This is where it gets complicated, in fact, I just don't get it. ( well Kinda ? )
I was sexually active before we met, in fact we broke up and I came back to her, because she made me realize what I was missing. She has ONLY been with me sexually. That's a problem driving her decision.
She has told me, we married to young, and we need this separation because she feels trapped down, and wants to be able to go out and not feel attached. Also driving this is the fact she is just plain beautiful. Now, one might think I'm biased ( of course ) but it is what it is and she knows it. She feels like she is in her prime an she may miss the boat if you will, this is the only time she feels like she can do this. She's also afraid of getting old, but that's another story lol....
She says she feels like she may be missing out on stuff if she doesn't do this now, and don't want to be arguing with me when were old! really ? she tells me she wants to get old with me and I believe her.
I told her if she messed around while were separated that would be the deal breaker. My values wont allow that to happen, in fact, she wants me to go out and flirt as well, but I just cannot do that. That goes against my common core of values.
I have always been that guy who listens to everything, and try not to be argumentative, but give answers to the problem.
earlier I mentioned I kind of get it because I am the only man she has even been with, and I have been with other woman. But I remind her that when I married her that my clock had reset, and I was a virgin as well. I have never cheated on my wife. I can tell you this, my wife has not cheated on me.
And this is what I'm struggling with.
She respects me enough, to come tell me her problems, rather than just go out and cheat on me. Now, she doesn't directly say she wants sex, but deep down inside, I believe that's what she wants. She doesn't want to hurt me by coming out and saying it. This could be my insecurities talking and I hope so, she just tells me she needs this time to build her network of friends etc.
That's why I'm. giving her what she wants for now, but made it crystal clear that she cant have her cake and eat it too. As mentioned above, My values wont allow this.
Oh, and another thing, its just a verbal, I'm not moving out HOWEVER,
I have moved out of the room, into the downstairs room, taking everything with me, because that's the only way she can truly get her space, without moving out.
It just sucks because on a scale of 1-10 for being sensitive, I'm a 10. Wish I was your typical scumbag that could go out and capitalize on another sexual encounter, but I cant but yet, I have to let her ? hell now, ill give her the space that's it.
I may be all over the place with my thoughts and I'm sorry, but one reason that could explain this is that since day one, we have always spent time together, shopping, whatever, I mean we are ALWAYS together, because we enjoy our time together obviously, and she says this space will get back what she feels like she is missing and come running back to me. We were actually talking about earlier about how she wants to get me another desk, and we should go shopping for one lol, had to remind her of what were talking about. So the spark is still there, she just needs to go out and do her thing. I guess I don't understand fully because woman were made from planet Venus, and man from mars...perhaps ?
Marriage is like a business, if your not changing, your not growing, you have to make sacrifices and work through stuff, if not , you most certainly will fail. That's why were both always working out, being open minded and communicating constantly. Taking care of ourselves so we can still be attractive to each other. Wish she would stop working out lol...sigh
On top of all this, she makes it perfectly clear that this I all her, and I'm doing absolutely nothing wrong. of course I believe her, because she's right. I do want her to be happy.
We had a come to Jesus verbal meting today, and we both agreed the marriage is worth fighting for, and she still wants to get old with me , and we will prove to everyone that it will work.
Anyways, I'm rambling, I have so much more but that's pretty much where the rubber meets the road.
Respectful, courteous questions/comments are appreciated . I would just like another opinion as I have talked about this to others and received theirs.
Have a great day !
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