I have a 16 year old sister in her final year of secondary school. I'm a few years older than her and that bit more grown up but like most girls her age, she is discovering her sexuality and identity in life. She's not particularly intelligent and is easily manipulated because I think she enjoys the attention of others and being 'popular'. She is predicted is C grades in her GCSEs this year which is too bad considering she is applying for a BTEC at college with a couple of her mates. We share a close relationship but I feel like we are growing apart as we age. I'll eventually move out and so will she but that's normal and to be expected I guess. She is intent on finding a BF before any of her friends and guys target her because of this.
My 19 year old brother has a house nearby where I live with my parents. He has a pregnant girlfriend expecting his child fairly soon. From what I gather, he tells my mum that he is happy with his GF and even has plans of proposing to her this year. My dad is a bit dubious, having been through a divorce when he was around my brother's age. He basically tells him and my sister 'It doesn't matter who you settle down with as long as you're happy'.
I stay at my brother's house every weekend and he invites his friends over. We play XBOX and PS3 while his GF cooks us food. It's a normal weekend by most standards though my brother's friends do have some bad habits. One of his friends in particular smokes 'weed' and sometimes my brother joins in. I stay out of their way but I think nothing of it. I know many guys who are decent and smoke weed. It's not a life threatening drug. It's legal in the Netherlands where there are cafes specifically for smoking weed.
This one friend of my brother is black, 6'5 and takes steroids. He is a frequent gym user and likes to think he appears 'swoll' and alluring to other women because of his physical traits. He is around 250lbs of lean muscle and lifts my brother onto his back to demonstrate his strength to us all. He is a nice guy, friendly and laid back.
My sister sometimes comes and stays with my brother at weekends too. She met this particular guy and 'he made her laugh' and they shared a lot of things in common from what I heard from their conversations. She has developed feelings for him and these feelings have started a legitimate relationship in which my sister who is 16, is dating a 21 year old 6'5, black guy who takes steroids.
The race of the guy isn't the problem at all here so I'm not a bigot, racist or over protective of my sister. It's his attitude and personality I find offensive and disturbing. My sister hasn't heard of the women this guy has supposedly slept with. Don't forget that he's 21 and a lot more sexually experienced than her. My sister is a virgin I think. She hasn't had a boyfriend prior to this guy from what I know; though she could have had one secretly or 'at school' no doubt like I did when I was her age. This guy is using her and because she's blinded by his physicality I don't think she realizes it.
When I come home from college and it's just me and her in the house, I tell her that he's not the right guy for her and I think she knows this deep down. She agrees with some of my comments like 'when you go out with him, people will judge you' because we live in a predominately white middle class area. She nods, sighs and tells me how it doesn't matter and I agree. I then drop in comments that her BF has been with a lot of women before her and ask her how does she feel about this. She says she's indifferent and that 'So what' of course he's going to given his body, looks and charisma.
Their relationship is progressing and she invites him back to our house, sometimes without our parents knowing. They are downstairs in the living room watching TV or my dad is out at work, my mom watching TV and at work. There is rarely a time when we see all of us together in the same room. As a family, we are quite distant but I like having my privacy and so does my sister. She brought her BF back to our house a few times and he slept in her bedroom on a couple of nights too. I know this because I hear her panting, screaming etc. Basically you know what's happening in her room when I hear this. I try to forget that she's having sex with him by playing music and gaming and for most of the time it works, thank God.
I have heard him leave the house at 6AM in the morning to go to work. My mum goes into my sister's room to find blood on my sister's bedsheets. She asks my sister about the blood and she says she's on her period and my mum sighs and forgets about it. I know that it's because she's slept with her boyfriend and that the blood is because he probably 'stretches' her vagina because she is a virgin. This is graphic but it's the reality of the situation. I wish the blood was from her period and maybe it is but from what I hear of a night time, I can only assume that it's because of their sex.
My sister is not particularly bright and likes to leave things lying around the house. When she's in the shower, I read her texts to and from her boyfriend and these in particular made me fill with sadness but also anger: 'He's so big. He stretches me' and ' I think I'm swelling with his baby'. Her friends sends a smiley face and their conversation is so crude yet childish. I don't think she realizes that if she gets pregnant then our parents will likely throw her out. They aren't even aware that she has a boyfriend and I wouldn't tell my dad especially. He's not racist but he wouldn't like the idea of his daughter dating and having children with this guy simpily because his attitude is terrible.
He's the kind of guy who thinks he can get any woman. At the moment my sister feels special but what if she tells him she's pregnant with his child and he leave her. My sister will have no income to sustain this child or even herself if my parents decide to throw her our. Me and her are so different in this respect. I asked her about birth control and she said that she doesn't know how to get access to the pill and doesn't want to ask our mum. I told her to go online and have even showed her and told her to phone up her GP and make an appointment. She replies with 'what if he tells my mum' etc. Basically fobs me off with many excuses and settles with 'he wears a condom, sometimes'.
She isn't aware of the danger she is putting herself in by being with this guy. He sees himself as a player but because she's so into him emotionally, she doesn't see this.
What more can I do for her?
My 19 year old brother has a house nearby where I live with my parents. He has a pregnant girlfriend expecting his child fairly soon. From what I gather, he tells my mum that he is happy with his GF and even has plans of proposing to her this year. My dad is a bit dubious, having been through a divorce when he was around my brother's age. He basically tells him and my sister 'It doesn't matter who you settle down with as long as you're happy'.
I stay at my brother's house every weekend and he invites his friends over. We play XBOX and PS3 while his GF cooks us food. It's a normal weekend by most standards though my brother's friends do have some bad habits. One of his friends in particular smokes 'weed' and sometimes my brother joins in. I stay out of their way but I think nothing of it. I know many guys who are decent and smoke weed. It's not a life threatening drug. It's legal in the Netherlands where there are cafes specifically for smoking weed.
This one friend of my brother is black, 6'5 and takes steroids. He is a frequent gym user and likes to think he appears 'swoll' and alluring to other women because of his physical traits. He is around 250lbs of lean muscle and lifts my brother onto his back to demonstrate his strength to us all. He is a nice guy, friendly and laid back.
My sister sometimes comes and stays with my brother at weekends too. She met this particular guy and 'he made her laugh' and they shared a lot of things in common from what I heard from their conversations. She has developed feelings for him and these feelings have started a legitimate relationship in which my sister who is 16, is dating a 21 year old 6'5, black guy who takes steroids.
The race of the guy isn't the problem at all here so I'm not a bigot, racist or over protective of my sister. It's his attitude and personality I find offensive and disturbing. My sister hasn't heard of the women this guy has supposedly slept with. Don't forget that he's 21 and a lot more sexually experienced than her. My sister is a virgin I think. She hasn't had a boyfriend prior to this guy from what I know; though she could have had one secretly or 'at school' no doubt like I did when I was her age. This guy is using her and because she's blinded by his physicality I don't think she realizes it.
When I come home from college and it's just me and her in the house, I tell her that he's not the right guy for her and I think she knows this deep down. She agrees with some of my comments like 'when you go out with him, people will judge you' because we live in a predominately white middle class area. She nods, sighs and tells me how it doesn't matter and I agree. I then drop in comments that her BF has been with a lot of women before her and ask her how does she feel about this. She says she's indifferent and that 'So what' of course he's going to given his body, looks and charisma.
Their relationship is progressing and she invites him back to our house, sometimes without our parents knowing. They are downstairs in the living room watching TV or my dad is out at work, my mom watching TV and at work. There is rarely a time when we see all of us together in the same room. As a family, we are quite distant but I like having my privacy and so does my sister. She brought her BF back to our house a few times and he slept in her bedroom on a couple of nights too. I know this because I hear her panting, screaming etc. Basically you know what's happening in her room when I hear this. I try to forget that she's having sex with him by playing music and gaming and for most of the time it works, thank God.
I have heard him leave the house at 6AM in the morning to go to work. My mum goes into my sister's room to find blood on my sister's bedsheets. She asks my sister about the blood and she says she's on her period and my mum sighs and forgets about it. I know that it's because she's slept with her boyfriend and that the blood is because he probably 'stretches' her vagina because she is a virgin. This is graphic but it's the reality of the situation. I wish the blood was from her period and maybe it is but from what I hear of a night time, I can only assume that it's because of their sex.
My sister is not particularly bright and likes to leave things lying around the house. When she's in the shower, I read her texts to and from her boyfriend and these in particular made me fill with sadness but also anger: 'He's so big. He stretches me' and ' I think I'm swelling with his baby'. Her friends sends a smiley face and their conversation is so crude yet childish. I don't think she realizes that if she gets pregnant then our parents will likely throw her out. They aren't even aware that she has a boyfriend and I wouldn't tell my dad especially. He's not racist but he wouldn't like the idea of his daughter dating and having children with this guy simpily because his attitude is terrible.
He's the kind of guy who thinks he can get any woman. At the moment my sister feels special but what if she tells him she's pregnant with his child and he leave her. My sister will have no income to sustain this child or even herself if my parents decide to throw her our. Me and her are so different in this respect. I asked her about birth control and she said that she doesn't know how to get access to the pill and doesn't want to ask our mum. I told her to go online and have even showed her and told her to phone up her GP and make an appointment. She replies with 'what if he tells my mum' etc. Basically fobs me off with many excuses and settles with 'he wears a condom, sometimes'.
She isn't aware of the danger she is putting herself in by being with this guy. He sees himself as a player but because she's so into him emotionally, she doesn't see this.
What more can I do for her?
Put the internet to work for you.
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