So, I am always back and forth, back and forth, I know.
I am engaged and unsure if I want to follow thru with the wedding.
My (possible) STBH has had an EA and somewhat of a porn thing going on - I don't say addicted because I'm not quite sure if he is or not because he hides it WELL ... but I say it's a "thing" because it interferes in our sex life at an extremely negative level.
It has also smashed my self-esteem, partly because his viewing pleasure of choice is 18, etc. explicitly, no deviation from it. I am 34, he is 24 - I always hate bringing that up because the only thing relevant to our age difference that affects our relationship negatively is SEX or SEX related issues. PERIOD. He's not immature, irresponsible, inexperienced, etc. . .
Anyway - I am super HD, always have been. Him, not so much.
But I'm not going to go into the entire back story, I am just going to tell what is happening now and see what kind of advice/feedback, etc I can get and use and hopefully implement.
He's sort of LD, but I have good reason to suspect he is just intercourse LD, if that makes sense? I do know he masturbates at least daily, and I don't really consider someone who masturbates daily to have a low sex drive. Maybe I am mistaken.
Anyhow, I proposed the other night that we try the 30-day sex challenge. He was thrilled! (he acted that way) and said "oh yes, absolutely! But let's start tomorrow. I worked all day and don't wanna pass out on you right after." Uh, this has never been an issue before, we wake up in the middle of the night and do it, sometimes I wake him up with a BJ or HJ, point is - I have never given him reason to think I would give a hoot if he fell asleep right after sex.
Next day, I come to bed with a super short lacy nightshirt and super sexy lacy panties. Nothing.
Day after that, no kids home - at their father's house for the night. We took a shower together, I shaved my lady bits in front of him (he likes to watch), I oiled up my body in front of him, I put on my face cream wearing only one of his tank-top undershirts. My freshly shaven region was showing, as was my backside, and everything was oiled! He stood next to me in the mirror, glanced at me a couple of times - I saw him look at my
'area' but he just kept on shaving. So when I was done I threw some sweatpants on. :/
After that - we just got a new couch so we watched some TV shows & sort of cuddled, but nothing sexual. He didn't make a move.
Also, we take a shower together EVERY DAY. We never shower separately. He claims he just loves showering with me and gets super agitated if we do not take a shower together. The last time we showered separately was in November while he was away hunting.
I brought up the sex challenge thing in the shower as well. We had not had sex for two days when I mentioned the challenge.
I'd also like to add that we can go 3-4 days without sex, get into the shower, I can try to put on a show or be 'sexy-ish" and he will never "show" that he's in the shower with a glistening wet chick.
I don't know. What am I missing? What am I doing wrong? I initiate 90% of the time we have sex. He loves being woken up in the middle of the night, and I do it often.
But I'd love to be desired. I want my man to get hard when he sees me. I want my old man to have a hard on for me and come and get it.
I don't really have any specific questions I guess. Just looking for comments. Just sharing, venting. Thanks for reading my rant! I feel better to get it off of my chest. TAM is the best :)
I am engaged and unsure if I want to follow thru with the wedding.
My (possible) STBH has had an EA and somewhat of a porn thing going on - I don't say addicted because I'm not quite sure if he is or not because he hides it WELL ... but I say it's a "thing" because it interferes in our sex life at an extremely negative level.
It has also smashed my self-esteem, partly because his viewing pleasure of choice is 18, etc. explicitly, no deviation from it. I am 34, he is 24 - I always hate bringing that up because the only thing relevant to our age difference that affects our relationship negatively is SEX or SEX related issues. PERIOD. He's not immature, irresponsible, inexperienced, etc. . .
Anyway - I am super HD, always have been. Him, not so much.
But I'm not going to go into the entire back story, I am just going to tell what is happening now and see what kind of advice/feedback, etc I can get and use and hopefully implement.
He's sort of LD, but I have good reason to suspect he is just intercourse LD, if that makes sense? I do know he masturbates at least daily, and I don't really consider someone who masturbates daily to have a low sex drive. Maybe I am mistaken.
Anyhow, I proposed the other night that we try the 30-day sex challenge. He was thrilled! (he acted that way) and said "oh yes, absolutely! But let's start tomorrow. I worked all day and don't wanna pass out on you right after." Uh, this has never been an issue before, we wake up in the middle of the night and do it, sometimes I wake him up with a BJ or HJ, point is - I have never given him reason to think I would give a hoot if he fell asleep right after sex.
Next day, I come to bed with a super short lacy nightshirt and super sexy lacy panties. Nothing.
Day after that, no kids home - at their father's house for the night. We took a shower together, I shaved my lady bits in front of him (he likes to watch), I oiled up my body in front of him, I put on my face cream wearing only one of his tank-top undershirts. My freshly shaven region was showing, as was my backside, and everything was oiled! He stood next to me in the mirror, glanced at me a couple of times - I saw him look at my
'area' but he just kept on shaving. So when I was done I threw some sweatpants on. :/
After that - we just got a new couch so we watched some TV shows & sort of cuddled, but nothing sexual. He didn't make a move.
Also, we take a shower together EVERY DAY. We never shower separately. He claims he just loves showering with me and gets super agitated if we do not take a shower together. The last time we showered separately was in November while he was away hunting.
I brought up the sex challenge thing in the shower as well. We had not had sex for two days when I mentioned the challenge.
I'd also like to add that we can go 3-4 days without sex, get into the shower, I can try to put on a show or be 'sexy-ish" and he will never "show" that he's in the shower with a glistening wet chick.
I don't know. What am I missing? What am I doing wrong? I initiate 90% of the time we have sex. He loves being woken up in the middle of the night, and I do it often.
But I'd love to be desired. I want my man to get hard when he sees me. I want my old man to have a hard on for me and come and get it.
I don't really have any specific questions I guess. Just looking for comments. Just sharing, venting. Thanks for reading my rant! I feel better to get it off of my chest. TAM is the best :)
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