Hello members,
I never thought I would find myself typing my problem on a website to complete strangers but I am so at a loss and don't know what to do. I have been reading others situations and solutions and felt embolden to share my situation also. I have no friends or famliy I would dare divulge this to as they are all mutual and I fear I would be misunderstood.
Problem: I am pretty sure H is involved in a Pa, Ea or both and at this point I don't think the distinction matters.
Background Married almost 12 years W- mid 30s, H-early 40s
No kids together h- 2 adult kids and ex wife
Faults partners are likely to find about the other:
w- Self absorbed, transactional, lacking affection, doesn't want kids, won't do things with h
h- Attention seeking, potential passive aggressive, fair-weather provider, inconciderate, likes talking to opposite sex,
I will start off by saying that the dynamics of our marriage have been shaky for sometime. A major problem in the marriage thought h wont admit is that I did not know for sure if I wanted to have kids until years after we were married. Yes I know this is something people should discuss before marriage and I genuinely believed I would at some point but as the years went by and excuses and excuse I came to realization I didn't really want to after about 9 years of marriage. H said he would like to but not a big deal though he would occasionally bring it up (he had kids when very young). Between that and my own resentment issues, H- is job hopper not very stable yet big spender.
We always had our issues but generally thought the marriage was a decent 6.5-7/10 most times.
In the last few weeks things have come to a head in the worst way. Basically , I believe h has been having some type of encounters with women as of late and continues to talk to various women that I do not know when I have asked him not to because of things found ion the past. The problem is that I never have concrete evidence and as a result, have been subjected to gaslighting (thought didn't realize it) and I rugssweept as clues presented them selves: i.e. dating profiles on multiple sites- he said signed up but no follow though all the way just because we were arguing, finding explicit text on phone once from women off one of these friend finder said he didn't respond was escort but he just wanted to talk…(yea right). finding things like dual movie tickets stubs, dinner receipts for things I was not with him for yet he will deny he even saw the movie. To sum it up, there would always be an explanation for the foolessness and I was always willing to go along to get along.
In an effort to make more money in stable job, h is working out of state. His decision, I kinda felt this was partly to get away from home and expected some problems from the jump so I did not agree to this but did it anyway. About a month into this H and has been taking large sums out of checking account hundreds at a time ( claiming adult daughter needed it) at the same time I am noticing getting text messages from what I believe to be women. Also at this time h is being generally distant towards me. I even found that when I went to visits where he is he was talking to someone while I was there by talking to them earlier in morning while driving in to work and before he came back to hotel. I am the cell account mgr can see the calls and text but obviously don't know what is being said. When I confront h he says he has no one to talk to and we always argue…what?!
So in the past I have prematurely made threats separation even divorce but always ended up agreeing to reconcile to keep the peace. We are in the middle of a ch 13 and I can't even begin to figure out the implication of trying to do a divorce now.
H refuses any kind of acknowledgment of wrong doing and keeps on with the activities cake eating to extreme. I don't think I want to be married anymore given these circumstances but I'm afraid about the future. H was my 1st; don't want to lose home, and family respect. He won't come right out and divorce me and I have already done the false divorce alarm only to walk it back.
Currentl Status: h is busy setting up household since will be in other state and is not contributing to home expenses but says he will once he is settled in. I dont trust this so I have since stopped contributing to joint account and in process of separating expenses and went in plan b mode with no contact with h at this time. I am trying to focus on me and lose weight and clear head. H made unscheduled visit home and I was livid as I had not been return calls, text or, emails and don't want to see him, h stayed in other room and drove back early next morning no argument with me as I refused to speak with him except to say leave since he thinks its okay to carryon with other women.
I'm at an impasse and clearly an amateur at this. Feeling so alone!! Any comments welcome
Sadly,
A wife that whirling (arandomlady)
I never thought I would find myself typing my problem on a website to complete strangers but I am so at a loss and don't know what to do. I have been reading others situations and solutions and felt embolden to share my situation also. I have no friends or famliy I would dare divulge this to as they are all mutual and I fear I would be misunderstood.
Problem: I am pretty sure H is involved in a Pa, Ea or both and at this point I don't think the distinction matters.
Background Married almost 12 years W- mid 30s, H-early 40s
No kids together h- 2 adult kids and ex wife
Faults partners are likely to find about the other:
w- Self absorbed, transactional, lacking affection, doesn't want kids, won't do things with h
h- Attention seeking, potential passive aggressive, fair-weather provider, inconciderate, likes talking to opposite sex,
I will start off by saying that the dynamics of our marriage have been shaky for sometime. A major problem in the marriage thought h wont admit is that I did not know for sure if I wanted to have kids until years after we were married. Yes I know this is something people should discuss before marriage and I genuinely believed I would at some point but as the years went by and excuses and excuse I came to realization I didn't really want to after about 9 years of marriage. H said he would like to but not a big deal though he would occasionally bring it up (he had kids when very young). Between that and my own resentment issues, H- is job hopper not very stable yet big spender.
We always had our issues but generally thought the marriage was a decent 6.5-7/10 most times.
In the last few weeks things have come to a head in the worst way. Basically , I believe h has been having some type of encounters with women as of late and continues to talk to various women that I do not know when I have asked him not to because of things found ion the past. The problem is that I never have concrete evidence and as a result, have been subjected to gaslighting (thought didn't realize it) and I rugssweept as clues presented them selves: i.e. dating profiles on multiple sites- he said signed up but no follow though all the way just because we were arguing, finding explicit text on phone once from women off one of these friend finder said he didn't respond was escort but he just wanted to talk…(yea right). finding things like dual movie tickets stubs, dinner receipts for things I was not with him for yet he will deny he even saw the movie. To sum it up, there would always be an explanation for the foolessness and I was always willing to go along to get along.
In an effort to make more money in stable job, h is working out of state. His decision, I kinda felt this was partly to get away from home and expected some problems from the jump so I did not agree to this but did it anyway. About a month into this H and has been taking large sums out of checking account hundreds at a time ( claiming adult daughter needed it) at the same time I am noticing getting text messages from what I believe to be women. Also at this time h is being generally distant towards me. I even found that when I went to visits where he is he was talking to someone while I was there by talking to them earlier in morning while driving in to work and before he came back to hotel. I am the cell account mgr can see the calls and text but obviously don't know what is being said. When I confront h he says he has no one to talk to and we always argue…what?!
So in the past I have prematurely made threats separation even divorce but always ended up agreeing to reconcile to keep the peace. We are in the middle of a ch 13 and I can't even begin to figure out the implication of trying to do a divorce now.
H refuses any kind of acknowledgment of wrong doing and keeps on with the activities cake eating to extreme. I don't think I want to be married anymore given these circumstances but I'm afraid about the future. H was my 1st; don't want to lose home, and family respect. He won't come right out and divorce me and I have already done the false divorce alarm only to walk it back.
Currentl Status: h is busy setting up household since will be in other state and is not contributing to home expenses but says he will once he is settled in. I dont trust this so I have since stopped contributing to joint account and in process of separating expenses and went in plan b mode with no contact with h at this time. I am trying to focus on me and lose weight and clear head. H made unscheduled visit home and I was livid as I had not been return calls, text or, emails and don't want to see him, h stayed in other room and drove back early next morning no argument with me as I refused to speak with him except to say leave since he thinks its okay to carryon with other women.
I'm at an impasse and clearly an amateur at this. Feeling so alone!! Any comments welcome
Sadly,
A wife that whirling (arandomlady)
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment