I can't help but think that if I were born into another religion/family, life would be 10x better. I've just come to an agreement with a white atheist male who I love that we won't be communicating with one another anymore. I feel sick to my stomach and can't really think straight at the moment. I've got to work with him on a group project (he'll probably try to swap with somebody else) and sit next to him in labs and deal with this discomfort for the rest of the course. I knew it would hit me really hard but honestly, not being able to speak to him is really bothering me already and it's only been a few hours. I've known him since the start of uni and have spoken to him each and every day since then. Everybody is telling me that I shouldn't be so bothered but despite expecting this outcome I feel really sick. I've hurt him really badly too, he says he can't be around me at all anymore because it makes him feel terrible knowing that we can't be together. I'm genuinely jealous of non-Muslims who can choose to marry those that they love regardless of religious beliefs.
I don't feel attracted to Somali guys whatsoever physically. The Somali guys I know/am around are not appealing to me in the slightest, mentally or physically. At all. Am I going to remain alone until I find one that I like? It's very unlikely. Or end up settling? It's times like these that I just wonder why I bother believing what I say I believe in. Hurting him is my biggest concern, as he was trying not to cry when I was crying whilst we were discussing staying away from one another. We came to such an extreme conclusion because we both know continuing our relationship will lead to both of us being hurt even more down the line. Despite him suggesting that he would pretend to be Muslim to satisfy my parents/family (which some of my friends have also suggested) I don't want him to change his way of life/become a fraud. I feel like my happiness is being sacrificed and I'm not even sure I believe in any of it anyway. It's horrible. I hate what my life is right now.
Sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent as I can't really talk to anybody right now.
I don't feel attracted to Somali guys whatsoever physically. The Somali guys I know/am around are not appealing to me in the slightest, mentally or physically. At all. Am I going to remain alone until I find one that I like? It's very unlikely. Or end up settling? It's times like these that I just wonder why I bother believing what I say I believe in. Hurting him is my biggest concern, as he was trying not to cry when I was crying whilst we were discussing staying away from one another. We came to such an extreme conclusion because we both know continuing our relationship will lead to both of us being hurt even more down the line. Despite him suggesting that he would pretend to be Muslim to satisfy my parents/family (which some of my friends have also suggested) I don't want him to change his way of life/become a fraud. I feel like my happiness is being sacrificed and I'm not even sure I believe in any of it anyway. It's horrible. I hate what my life is right now.
Sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent as I can't really talk to anybody right now.
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