I dont know how to get my point across without writing a book.
I am a guy, 24 years old. my ex and I were together for almost 7 years,got together in high school.At 17 She was my first, I was not hers. After about a year we got pregnant. I freaked out. I was stupid, I went out and partied often, I was not ready to be a father. I never cheated. I went to every doctors appt. and we stayed together untill our son was born. That was the first time we broke up. Every fight while we were together stopped when she threatened to leave me and I asked her to stay. One fight I had enough after a fight and said so go then. about a week after she hooked up with her ex. I was hurt, the break up was her idea. that we just needed time apart.I didnt know what to do so I started going to parties again. We were done at that point. I hooked up with 2 girls.
It lasted a few weeks till we started fooling around again. 3 months later we were back together. I worked 80+ hours a week the whole first year of my son. we had a lot of doctor bills, my son had big problems and surgery. I never told her I hooked up with the 2 girls. I heard she hooked up with the ex. asked her and she told me. She heard I fooled around, she asked and thats when I lied. I said we only kissed. I was afraid if I told her she wouldnt want to get back together. that was because she said because I was only with her she feels different about me,someone she didnt want to lose, so I didnt tell her.
Now its been 4 years.Knowing I lied has been in my head ever since. It was eating me up. I didnt know what to do. I felt so in love with her. I didnt want to lose her. We had another child because we wanted one and things were going good.
Then we moved, kids were getting to us, we never went out, she said she doesnt trust anyone watching her kids so no babysitter. Once I convinced her to let grandma watch the kids and go to the mall, I loved it,we had fun but she was calling constantly to make sure the kids were ok. I couldnt get a job so she did. I was so proud of her. It was a small no experience job but it was money. There were "in-house" promotions available. I pushed her. She said she wanted to go for it but was afraid. I got her to try and she got it. I was so happy for her. I was very jealous but still very happy as a stay at home dad. Very proud of her.
The relationship went down hill. We were fighting a lot. Her mother past away from cancer. That was a biggie.Then to make things worst she heard agian about me and a girl. She messaged the girl and I was caught. I tried hiding it at first but just told her yes. She asked if there was anyone else I said NO. I lied again. We broke up a month later. She didnt know about the other girl. Heard rumors but belived me.
Since breaking up we have argued almost everyday. I would tell her to call me later when the kids were asleep. she said no. she would tell the oldest to go play in his room and give the 15 month old snacks to keep her busy. My son hates playing in the room. He feels alone. he is alone, he is 5. Everyone told me something was up with her. That she doesnt know how to be a mother.(her past is very crooked,lots of faimily druggies and drunks) That I should have full custody.
She tells me she hates me, then tells me she loves me. she says she doesnt want child support but takes it every week. When I work I have to pay for babysitter(shes ok with that now)she doesnt split it. I fix her car.split the cost of parts.I pay for her car insurance. I was in florida seeing my grandfather befor he passed away. she said she understands at first. told me stay as long as I need. I was there a week. She said stay longer kids are fine. so I did. the nexxt day she called looking for me, said I was suppose to come home. then fine about it. then mad. I gave her extra money for when I was gone before I left. I was planned to come home on friday. It was Thursday night, almost home when she calls me. mad. says that Im not going to pay her on friday the child support. that I owe the babysitter for the extra week. witch I pay on friday. I was suppose to get the kids friday night. she was mad saying I probly wont get them. It was thursday night. on friday i paid like I a lways do.(my work is very off bc of weather) I have the baby everday when she works, both kids overnight wed, thus, all day saturday and till late sunday. she moved to a different school district so i get him, drop off in morning. She treatens to take me to court all the time. she applies for jobs very far away, states away. says shes them mom and she get custody. it doesnt matter who has them the most. she says i will never see them again. If she cant have me then I cant have them. They only way for me to feel the pain I caused is to take them.
I went out a few times when broken up no girls this time. she started drinking. When i was feeling upset or missing her I exercised, I lost some weight, felt good. When I go out she would have tons of questions before and after. we werent together but I told her all my plans. She would leave so many missed calls at home when im out. then mad I went, said hooking up with everyone, on drugs, drinking a lot. I wasnt doing any of this but figured I lied she hates me.
Out of no where we started hanging out. I wanted to see the kids when I got back from fl. so I wanted them a lot at first. she was ok with it. we were talking, we had dinner, fooled around again. it looked like we were back. Before anything got to serous I needed to tell her about this other girl. She said she hasnt done anything, tells me she doesnt drink when she goes out to the bars, cant even talk to guys cause she misses me so much and needs me.
I was at her house, on the computer when facebook messages her. I clicked it and seen shes been talking to other guys. 5 others. It talkes about her 3am looking for a open bar shes not done drinking. How it takes so many shots just to feel buzzed. talking to an "old friend" on how her date is jealous that she is texting another guy. that she just wants to enjoy being single and no strings attached. the date told her she sounds like a guy. I seen a selfie of her in lingerie she got when we were younger. It was her holloween costume. I told her I looked She says she never did anything. That she thought thats what she wanted but wants me. The night before she said maybe we shouldnt get together yet but could still have sex. I said no, sounds like your using me. she said it was a joke. I planned on telling her that night about the other girl. sit down, give her my attention and tell her everything. But I freaked out after reading the messages. she got home I said I read your fac ebook, I want to go home, give me my keys she said no. She wouldnt give me the keys, mad I looked. my kids are there. she is running in front of me to block the door. we were auguring and I told her about the other girl then. Said I just want to go home. she said no. I sit in the kitchen at the table she sits on the floor blocking the kitchen door. my kids are running in and out trying to play with me. she tells him to play in room, watch a movie or something, give baby snacks. my boy keeps coming in I feel like **** by now and shes just grilling me.we argue for 2 hours, she finally make me leave but says she is going to kill herself. my son starts crying. I didnt want to leave but had to. now shes kicking me out. she says say goodbye to daddy you wont see him agian. makes him hug me cause now he thinks im a bad guy. im in my car she starts hers. she is leaving the kids will be safe and she is going to kill herself. I dont know what to do. I dont have a cell phone. she has s aid this before. She says she wishes she died instead of her mom. she packs a little leaves, I wondered away. she went to the store and went back home. I went home then. When I get home she has already called 3 times. she keeps me on the phone for another 2 hours. she hangs up then calls right back. i will never see the kids. she wants to die. I still feel so guilty. so bad that I might have killed her. I do love her. I love the kids.
she emails me this morning about when I can get the kids. the same days i normally do. that she isnt moving away. asking why she deserves this. why I did this to her. all my friends ask whats up with the things she writes or does. many tell me they think she bipolar. she says im bipolar. her best friend is the babysitter. she thinks she lost it. made new friends, acts stupid.
did I make her bipolar? is everything my fault. we have such a history together. so many memories,adventures, scares.so many tears shared. I dont see what everyone else tells me. I see a lost sole. I feel lost. I wanted couple counseling. she said no, she doesnt need anyone telling her what to do. I have been asking to go for years. I thought it could help me tell. I didnt want to get married until I told
I am a guy, 24 years old. my ex and I were together for almost 7 years,got together in high school.At 17 She was my first, I was not hers. After about a year we got pregnant. I freaked out. I was stupid, I went out and partied often, I was not ready to be a father. I never cheated. I went to every doctors appt. and we stayed together untill our son was born. That was the first time we broke up. Every fight while we were together stopped when she threatened to leave me and I asked her to stay. One fight I had enough after a fight and said so go then. about a week after she hooked up with her ex. I was hurt, the break up was her idea. that we just needed time apart.I didnt know what to do so I started going to parties again. We were done at that point. I hooked up with 2 girls.
It lasted a few weeks till we started fooling around again. 3 months later we were back together. I worked 80+ hours a week the whole first year of my son. we had a lot of doctor bills, my son had big problems and surgery. I never told her I hooked up with the 2 girls. I heard she hooked up with the ex. asked her and she told me. She heard I fooled around, she asked and thats when I lied. I said we only kissed. I was afraid if I told her she wouldnt want to get back together. that was because she said because I was only with her she feels different about me,someone she didnt want to lose, so I didnt tell her.
Now its been 4 years.Knowing I lied has been in my head ever since. It was eating me up. I didnt know what to do. I felt so in love with her. I didnt want to lose her. We had another child because we wanted one and things were going good.
Then we moved, kids were getting to us, we never went out, she said she doesnt trust anyone watching her kids so no babysitter. Once I convinced her to let grandma watch the kids and go to the mall, I loved it,we had fun but she was calling constantly to make sure the kids were ok. I couldnt get a job so she did. I was so proud of her. It was a small no experience job but it was money. There were "in-house" promotions available. I pushed her. She said she wanted to go for it but was afraid. I got her to try and she got it. I was so happy for her. I was very jealous but still very happy as a stay at home dad. Very proud of her.
The relationship went down hill. We were fighting a lot. Her mother past away from cancer. That was a biggie.Then to make things worst she heard agian about me and a girl. She messaged the girl and I was caught. I tried hiding it at first but just told her yes. She asked if there was anyone else I said NO. I lied again. We broke up a month later. She didnt know about the other girl. Heard rumors but belived me.
Since breaking up we have argued almost everyday. I would tell her to call me later when the kids were asleep. she said no. she would tell the oldest to go play in his room and give the 15 month old snacks to keep her busy. My son hates playing in the room. He feels alone. he is alone, he is 5. Everyone told me something was up with her. That she doesnt know how to be a mother.(her past is very crooked,lots of faimily druggies and drunks) That I should have full custody.
She tells me she hates me, then tells me she loves me. she says she doesnt want child support but takes it every week. When I work I have to pay for babysitter(shes ok with that now)she doesnt split it. I fix her car.split the cost of parts.I pay for her car insurance. I was in florida seeing my grandfather befor he passed away. she said she understands at first. told me stay as long as I need. I was there a week. She said stay longer kids are fine. so I did. the nexxt day she called looking for me, said I was suppose to come home. then fine about it. then mad. I gave her extra money for when I was gone before I left. I was planned to come home on friday. It was Thursday night, almost home when she calls me. mad. says that Im not going to pay her on friday the child support. that I owe the babysitter for the extra week. witch I pay on friday. I was suppose to get the kids friday night. she was mad saying I probly wont get them. It was thursday night. on friday i paid like I a lways do.(my work is very off bc of weather) I have the baby everday when she works, both kids overnight wed, thus, all day saturday and till late sunday. she moved to a different school district so i get him, drop off in morning. She treatens to take me to court all the time. she applies for jobs very far away, states away. says shes them mom and she get custody. it doesnt matter who has them the most. she says i will never see them again. If she cant have me then I cant have them. They only way for me to feel the pain I caused is to take them.
I went out a few times when broken up no girls this time. she started drinking. When i was feeling upset or missing her I exercised, I lost some weight, felt good. When I go out she would have tons of questions before and after. we werent together but I told her all my plans. She would leave so many missed calls at home when im out. then mad I went, said hooking up with everyone, on drugs, drinking a lot. I wasnt doing any of this but figured I lied she hates me.
Out of no where we started hanging out. I wanted to see the kids when I got back from fl. so I wanted them a lot at first. she was ok with it. we were talking, we had dinner, fooled around again. it looked like we were back. Before anything got to serous I needed to tell her about this other girl. She said she hasnt done anything, tells me she doesnt drink when she goes out to the bars, cant even talk to guys cause she misses me so much and needs me.
I was at her house, on the computer when facebook messages her. I clicked it and seen shes been talking to other guys. 5 others. It talkes about her 3am looking for a open bar shes not done drinking. How it takes so many shots just to feel buzzed. talking to an "old friend" on how her date is jealous that she is texting another guy. that she just wants to enjoy being single and no strings attached. the date told her she sounds like a guy. I seen a selfie of her in lingerie she got when we were younger. It was her holloween costume. I told her I looked She says she never did anything. That she thought thats what she wanted but wants me. The night before she said maybe we shouldnt get together yet but could still have sex. I said no, sounds like your using me. she said it was a joke. I planned on telling her that night about the other girl. sit down, give her my attention and tell her everything. But I freaked out after reading the messages. she got home I said I read your fac ebook, I want to go home, give me my keys she said no. She wouldnt give me the keys, mad I looked. my kids are there. she is running in front of me to block the door. we were auguring and I told her about the other girl then. Said I just want to go home. she said no. I sit in the kitchen at the table she sits on the floor blocking the kitchen door. my kids are running in and out trying to play with me. she tells him to play in room, watch a movie or something, give baby snacks. my boy keeps coming in I feel like **** by now and shes just grilling me.we argue for 2 hours, she finally make me leave but says she is going to kill herself. my son starts crying. I didnt want to leave but had to. now shes kicking me out. she says say goodbye to daddy you wont see him agian. makes him hug me cause now he thinks im a bad guy. im in my car she starts hers. she is leaving the kids will be safe and she is going to kill herself. I dont know what to do. I dont have a cell phone. she has s aid this before. She says she wishes she died instead of her mom. she packs a little leaves, I wondered away. she went to the store and went back home. I went home then. When I get home she has already called 3 times. she keeps me on the phone for another 2 hours. she hangs up then calls right back. i will never see the kids. she wants to die. I still feel so guilty. so bad that I might have killed her. I do love her. I love the kids.
she emails me this morning about when I can get the kids. the same days i normally do. that she isnt moving away. asking why she deserves this. why I did this to her. all my friends ask whats up with the things she writes or does. many tell me they think she bipolar. she says im bipolar. her best friend is the babysitter. she thinks she lost it. made new friends, acts stupid.
did I make her bipolar? is everything my fault. we have such a history together. so many memories,adventures, scares.so many tears shared. I dont see what everyone else tells me. I see a lost sole. I feel lost. I wanted couple counseling. she said no, she doesnt need anyone telling her what to do. I have been asking to go for years. I thought it could help me tell. I didnt want to get married until I told
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