This is my first post, but I have been following TAM for about 10 months since d-day. Married 13 years, two kids 12 and 10. Last February, my husband took our son to visit Colombia, South America, for a month. Husband called on February 27 wanting to extend the trip for another month. During this phone conversation, I found out he was having an affair with a Colombian woman and wanted to spend another month with her. He did not call to admit to the affair. He lied and said he was having a great time and wanted to stay longer. That didn't seem right to me, I asked questions and eventually found out. He told me in that phone conversation they had already talked about marriage. I was in shock, especially because he had our 10 year son with him. I later found out they had been having an internet relationship for almost a year before the trip.
I filed for divorce in April 2013 after he returned from Colombia. We were divorced in July 2013. He broke up with the Colombian woman in September 2013 because he thought she was immature, nagged a lot and liked to fight about everything. He has never said anything about me being any part of the reason he broke up with her.
He has since told me he "wants to have as much as he can with me." He does not use the word reconcile. He will not tell friends or family that we are seeing each other. He will not show any affection towards me in front of our kids. He comes over every day, but only during the day. We are intimate in the afternoon while the kids are in school. He usually stays for dinner. (He is looking for a job and I work part-time.) He always leaves by 6:00 p.m. We have never gone out or done anything past 6:00 p.m. He has never stayed over or ever indicated that he wants to do anything in the evening, even watch a movie together or just talk. He is very eager to leave after dinner.
He has made no indication at all that he wants to move back. He reluctantly answers my questions about the affair, but he makes it clear that it makes him very uncomfortable. He has said he is sorry. He is very interested in finding out if I can meet his needs. He had us do Harley's questionnaire, as he has told me at least two of his needs were not being met and that is why he had the affair.
Please be blunt and tell me your take on this situation. What does he mean when he says "he wants to have as much as he can with me"?
I filed for divorce in April 2013 after he returned from Colombia. We were divorced in July 2013. He broke up with the Colombian woman in September 2013 because he thought she was immature, nagged a lot and liked to fight about everything. He has never said anything about me being any part of the reason he broke up with her.
He has since told me he "wants to have as much as he can with me." He does not use the word reconcile. He will not tell friends or family that we are seeing each other. He will not show any affection towards me in front of our kids. He comes over every day, but only during the day. We are intimate in the afternoon while the kids are in school. He usually stays for dinner. (He is looking for a job and I work part-time.) He always leaves by 6:00 p.m. We have never gone out or done anything past 6:00 p.m. He has never stayed over or ever indicated that he wants to do anything in the evening, even watch a movie together or just talk. He is very eager to leave after dinner.
He has made no indication at all that he wants to move back. He reluctantly answers my questions about the affair, but he makes it clear that it makes him very uncomfortable. He has said he is sorry. He is very interested in finding out if I can meet his needs. He had us do Harley's questionnaire, as he has told me at least two of his needs were not being met and that is why he had the affair.
Please be blunt and tell me your take on this situation. What does he mean when he says "he wants to have as much as he can with me"?
Put the internet to work for you.
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