When my CH of 23 yrs. at the age of 40 was at a business conference, a employee that works under him came on to him in the ****tail lounge. She sat next to him and proceeded to flirt and build up his ego. She was a secretary and he was a Senior Vice-President of a large corporation. She knew he was married, had children, etc. She worked in one of the branches, not in the main headquarters. So for 2 nights, everyone got together, had ****tails, danced and talked. Nothing else happened. She suggested, that maybe they could get together for lunch one day. Well my husband did end up calling her, rationalizing that he wasn't doing anything to bad and called her to meet for lunch. his is an excuse to see her again. So then things proceeded to ****tails, more dancing, kissing and eventually off for 2 weekends in the course of 3 yrs. His love letters were very passionate and she believed that he loved her. As she said, she wouldn't have stayed in it otherwise a s no one likes to feel used. The OWH sent me the love letters and that's how I found out. My CH lied like crazy and wouldn't tell me the truth, nor the details of anything. I had to beg her to see me and I often wonder why she did see me twice and talk on the phone several times. I still think they were talking to each other to keep their stories straight. It was a rocky 5 yrs. and I stayed as I never found out the truth for 8 months and I so wish I had left him then. I had 4 D-days of trickle truth, that I found receipts for and I so regret not leaving him then after all the lies. He changed the course of my life by what he did and I had no say so in it. It's all about morals and lies!
Fast Forward 25 more yrs. where I am suffering from PTSD due to his behavior after the stock market crash, more drinking, less showing of affection, etc. This all made me question my whole life and while looking back on it I realized that he had always took in the marriage and I gave. I loved him very much, didn't work, except in the home and took care of everything. So now I am asking him these questions, more about his feelings for her and how did he get so involved if he professes that he never feel out of love for me even during the A??? I don't believe this, if he loved me he wouldn't have put her and himself above me and forgot that he was married.
CAN YOU LOVE YOUR SPOUSE AND DISRESPECT HER, WITHOUT THINKING THAT YOU ARE DOING THAT, AND STILL CHEAT AND LOVE ANOTHER WOMAN? I DON'T PERSONALLY CALL THAT LOVE! SO, I'M ASKING THAT QUESTION NOW OF OTHERS ON HERE THAT HAVE BEEN PERSONALLY INVOLVED ONE WAY OR THE OTHER?
If you truly love your spouse and someone flirts with you, wether you've been drinking or not, does that mean all of a sudden you forget your married? Especially if you ARE GETTING YOUR NEEDS MET AT HOME! Can a person make that much of an impression on you for you to forget your morals, character, integrity, marriage and the wife you claim to love to betray her? If they had worked together, side by side for months on a project, I can see more of a possibility, even though their is never an excuse. However, for the life of me I can't understand what would possess a man to forget his wife who loved him dearly, was affectionate, sexy, built his ego up and did everything possible to give him a happy life, just put her aside and pursue another woman? He was never the type to flirt with other women, he was around them all the time, they worked for him, but she was the first one to actively flirt so openly with him. Nothing has happened in the 25 yrs. since then either. I just c an't get it in my head that her flirting was all it took for him to act on it? He sure wasn't missing anything at home and yes I know that new things can be exciting, but I never thought he would act on it. I was asked to have an A once with one of the people at a National Conference, he was good looking, knew him well and even a few yrs. younger than me. I just smiled, told him, "No Thank you, I'm happily married and just smiled." He understood and we continued to be friends.
Can someone help me out on this. He will not say that he never stopped loving me during the A. He just enjoyed the extra and new attention, she built up his ego even more, not that I didn't do the same thing, it was just extra and he enjoyed the fun of it." I wasn't getting hurt as he never expected me to find out about it. She was also married, with 2 little girls and he never even gave it a second thought that he was messing around with another man's wife (of course she gave him the story that her marriage wasn't doing that good) she had little children that could get hurt. He could have lost his job at their company as they are totally against dating anyone that works together, especially if they are married to someone else and also if your an executive on the board.
He knew my feelings on cheating very clearly, as some of our friends had done it in the past and I told him, "If he did that to me he would be out the door in a heartbeat." If he had only told me the truth from the beginning that's what would have happened, but he made it out to be only for lunch's for a few months and I was in so much shock that I couldn't even question it.
So, I know I've gotten way off course, but if you truly love your wife, drinking or not, wouldn't you have gotten out of the situation? We are having major arguments on this and he doesn't have an answer, except that he feels that he was selfish and he wanted to do what he wanted to do and he knew that he was never going to marry her or anything. It was just fun and I wasn't getting hurt.
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Thanks for any input on this question.
Granny7
Fast Forward 25 more yrs. where I am suffering from PTSD due to his behavior after the stock market crash, more drinking, less showing of affection, etc. This all made me question my whole life and while looking back on it I realized that he had always took in the marriage and I gave. I loved him very much, didn't work, except in the home and took care of everything. So now I am asking him these questions, more about his feelings for her and how did he get so involved if he professes that he never feel out of love for me even during the A??? I don't believe this, if he loved me he wouldn't have put her and himself above me and forgot that he was married.
CAN YOU LOVE YOUR SPOUSE AND DISRESPECT HER, WITHOUT THINKING THAT YOU ARE DOING THAT, AND STILL CHEAT AND LOVE ANOTHER WOMAN? I DON'T PERSONALLY CALL THAT LOVE! SO, I'M ASKING THAT QUESTION NOW OF OTHERS ON HERE THAT HAVE BEEN PERSONALLY INVOLVED ONE WAY OR THE OTHER?
If you truly love your spouse and someone flirts with you, wether you've been drinking or not, does that mean all of a sudden you forget your married? Especially if you ARE GETTING YOUR NEEDS MET AT HOME! Can a person make that much of an impression on you for you to forget your morals, character, integrity, marriage and the wife you claim to love to betray her? If they had worked together, side by side for months on a project, I can see more of a possibility, even though their is never an excuse. However, for the life of me I can't understand what would possess a man to forget his wife who loved him dearly, was affectionate, sexy, built his ego up and did everything possible to give him a happy life, just put her aside and pursue another woman? He was never the type to flirt with other women, he was around them all the time, they worked for him, but she was the first one to actively flirt so openly with him. Nothing has happened in the 25 yrs. since then either. I just c an't get it in my head that her flirting was all it took for him to act on it? He sure wasn't missing anything at home and yes I know that new things can be exciting, but I never thought he would act on it. I was asked to have an A once with one of the people at a National Conference, he was good looking, knew him well and even a few yrs. younger than me. I just smiled, told him, "No Thank you, I'm happily married and just smiled." He understood and we continued to be friends.
Can someone help me out on this. He will not say that he never stopped loving me during the A. He just enjoyed the extra and new attention, she built up his ego even more, not that I didn't do the same thing, it was just extra and he enjoyed the fun of it." I wasn't getting hurt as he never expected me to find out about it. She was also married, with 2 little girls and he never even gave it a second thought that he was messing around with another man's wife (of course she gave him the story that her marriage wasn't doing that good) she had little children that could get hurt. He could have lost his job at their company as they are totally against dating anyone that works together, especially if they are married to someone else and also if your an executive on the board.
He knew my feelings on cheating very clearly, as some of our friends had done it in the past and I told him, "If he did that to me he would be out the door in a heartbeat." If he had only told me the truth from the beginning that's what would have happened, but he made it out to be only for lunch's for a few months and I was in so much shock that I couldn't even question it.
So, I know I've gotten way off course, but if you truly love your wife, drinking or not, wouldn't you have gotten out of the situation? We are having major arguments on this and he doesn't have an answer, except that he feels that he was selfish and he wanted to do what he wanted to do and he knew that he was never going to marry her or anything. It was just fun and I wasn't getting hurt.
<<>>
Thanks for any input on this question.
Granny7
Put the internet to work for you.
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