Thank you TAM - What I have learned...

I've been "lurking" on this forum for over a month now, getting great advice from reading past posts. Thank you TAM members. It really helped me understand my situation and if nothing else you prevented me from contacting the OW in my situation. I'm not sure if I want to share my story, but just know that you are helping many people even if you don't have a direct interaction with them.

With that said, I put together a summary of things I have learned from TAM (speaking from the perspective of a wife):

#1 read - Welcome to TAM CWI Newbies - http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ease-read.html - Great resource and explains all of the acronyms.

• OW / OM is selfish, entitled, self-righteous, a form of satan.
• Some spouses are out to cheat and they will do so despite our best efforts.
• Some spouses are not out to cheat, but fall easily to temptation through self-justification.
  
• Trust your gut. If you were not a jealous spouse for 10 years, and suddenly you suspect your "friend" of flirting with your husband or making excuses to see your husband without you, squash it immediately. It is better to be a jealous overreacting spouse than a betrayed spouse. If your spouse isn't cheating, your spouse will find your jealously a turn-on.
  
• Do NOT contact the OW / OM. They have lied to themselves, they have probably lied to your WS, and they will most likely lie to your face. Most importantly, they don't care about you. If they did, they wouldn't be destroying your marriage / tearing your family apart in the first place.
• DO contact the OWH / OMW when you have proof.
  
• Do not allow your WS to rug-sweep, gaslight or trickle truth. Do not beg or plead. It makes you pathetic (which you are not). Do the 180 if you sense your WS is not 100% remorseful and doing the heavy lifting in R.
  
• Watch out for exes. Married people should have NC with all exes unless children are involved and in those cases all communications should be open to the spouses AND only pertain to child rearing.
• There should be no privacy in marriage. If you want privacy, stay single.

My personal observation / advice:
To the wives out there (speaking as a wife myself), even if your husband couldn't get a date to save his life before you married him, he is suddenly 100 times more attractive to other women with that ring you put on his finger! There are predatory women out there targeting married men. Be vigilant in protecting your marriage.

Put the internet to work for you.

via Personal Recipe 2629979