I'd finally made peace with the cheating, lying, and abandonment. Overall felt pretty decent although I was/am having a dash of "my first holiday alone" blues.
Then I run into an old neighbor. Extra weird because I moved states. We exchanged generic pleasantries, and then she tells me that my XH is not doing well. Depressed and has a lot of evident emotional problems. She saw his new girlfriend screaming at him at the grocery store while he cowered and looked embarrassed. I'm stunned - no idea what to say. I change the subject and we part ways shortly after.
Of course my first reaction was a burst of inner "mwa haha" laughter and evil finger wiggle. It lasted for about 30 seconds then what followed surprised me - an enormous inner wave of sadness. I've felt like crying for the first time in months.
I've been so angry at my XH. But I don't want him to be in a bad mental state or abusive relationship. I wish I could feel coldly to him, the way he does to me. However, my heart is heavy and despite what he has put me through, I am greatly saddened to see what his life has become. I still empathize with him greatly. I wish I didn't.
There is no joy in someone's pain if you once loved them. I didn't think I would care. But I do. Again, I wish I didn't.
Then I run into an old neighbor. Extra weird because I moved states. We exchanged generic pleasantries, and then she tells me that my XH is not doing well. Depressed and has a lot of evident emotional problems. She saw his new girlfriend screaming at him at the grocery store while he cowered and looked embarrassed. I'm stunned - no idea what to say. I change the subject and we part ways shortly after.
Of course my first reaction was a burst of inner "mwa haha" laughter and evil finger wiggle. It lasted for about 30 seconds then what followed surprised me - an enormous inner wave of sadness. I've felt like crying for the first time in months.
I've been so angry at my XH. But I don't want him to be in a bad mental state or abusive relationship. I wish I could feel coldly to him, the way he does to me. However, my heart is heavy and despite what he has put me through, I am greatly saddened to see what his life has become. I still empathize with him greatly. I wish I didn't.
There is no joy in someone's pain if you once loved them. I didn't think I would care. But I do. Again, I wish I didn't.
Put the internet to work for you.
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