I have no-one to currently talk to about this. Most of the story is copied and pasted from a message sent to a friend, (edited to remove names and to add bits in that didn't make sense to him.) but today they've gone away for 3 weeks and I assume with no internet connection. At the beginning there is a fair amount of waffle, I'm not sure if it's necessary, but it helps to explain the situation and possibly justify what happened when my boyfriend visited this weekend (we are in a LDR) .............
My boyfriend said he didn't mind if I did anything with other guys. It turns out he was basically expecting me to (because his confidence is so low and he thinks i'm pretty and would have guys after me who I couldn't resist) and couldn't believe that the most I've done is hug one guy and accidentally got flirty with another ... Then we ended up talking about each other's confidence (or the lack of it) and I said how even if I was a confident person and thought I was pretty, I still don't think I could do anything with another guy. He then eventually ended up thinking that I must have done something with another guy........ He said he really didn't mind, but wanted me to be honest. But I haven't done anything to admit to. But him thinking of me being slutty like that completely put me off wanting to do anything sexual with him, plus my housemates were in the rooms next to and below me so I didn't want to disturb them (plus we had done stuff earlier, which was enough for me ) .... But this just made things worse as he knows how horny I get after not seeing him in a while and this was the longest we've gone without seeing each other.
So he was getting annoyed and saying why would I sleep with others guys and not him. Which was making both of us upset as it turns out he still has virtually no confidence and is still somewhat shy with me even after knowing him nearly 3 years.
And then he was saying how I don't really love him and I was only going out with him because I was desperate. But he knew how shy/unconfident I was/am and if I was only going out with him for sex then I wouldn't be in a long distance relationship with him.
He's usually so soppy/gentle/romantic. But at this point I really wasn't up for anything. But he was. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't really say 'yes' or 'no' and it's probably my own fault, I could've been firmer, it might have worked. But then he was saying stuff about me not being my usual self (because I wasn't interested in sex) and that I'm always up for it and it was unfair on him because he was soo horny, so he went ahead with it anyway. He did stop when he could see he was hurting me (I may have exaggerated this to him, so that he would stop), but then he was annoyed so kinda guilted/forced/persuaded me to do other things to satisfy him and wouldn't physically let me stop until he was done.....
... He's never been like that before, it's so out of character, usually he lets me pick what we do and does whatever he can to satisfy me. I do love him but the more I think about it, the worse it sounds :'(
But at the time it didn't seem that forceful and I did think I might be over reacting. It's just that he's 6ft tall, quite strong and he was annoyed, upset and rather horny... But like I said, the more I think about it, the worse it seems. And then monday he wanted more. I didn't want him getting annoyed/upset like the last time so even though I still didn't really want to do anything, I suppose I let him just to save the hassle.......................... ..........
I went to brush my teeth after sending most of the story to my friend. I must've looked upset, my housemate asked how I was and I nearly started crying. And I've nearly cried several times today. But i'm not sure if it's because of what my boyfriend did or because now I've possibly made him look so bad when he might not have done anything wrong, especially if its my fault for not being firmer with him (hence why this is anon and I've only told one person in real life, who is the person I trust/feel most confident with, who doesn't know my boyfriend). Although my friend seemed to think he was in the wrong, but seeing as it was soo out of character, may have been over-come with emotions/hormones and didn't realise how forceful he might have been. But like I said, I can't talk to this person for a couple more weeks and don't know what to do or say to my boyfriend who I have to deal with before then !?!?!?
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My boyfriend said he didn't mind if I did anything with other guys. It turns out he was basically expecting me to (because his confidence is so low and he thinks i'm pretty and would have guys after me who I couldn't resist) and couldn't believe that the most I've done is hug one guy and accidentally got flirty with another ... Then we ended up talking about each other's confidence (or the lack of it) and I said how even if I was a confident person and thought I was pretty, I still don't think I could do anything with another guy. He then eventually ended up thinking that I must have done something with another guy........ He said he really didn't mind, but wanted me to be honest. But I haven't done anything to admit to. But him thinking of me being slutty like that completely put me off wanting to do anything sexual with him, plus my housemates were in the rooms next to and below me so I didn't want to disturb them (plus we had done stuff earlier, which was enough for me ) .... But this just made things worse as he knows how horny I get after not seeing him in a while and this was the longest we've gone without seeing each other.
So he was getting annoyed and saying why would I sleep with others guys and not him. Which was making both of us upset as it turns out he still has virtually no confidence and is still somewhat shy with me even after knowing him nearly 3 years.
And then he was saying how I don't really love him and I was only going out with him because I was desperate. But he knew how shy/unconfident I was/am and if I was only going out with him for sex then I wouldn't be in a long distance relationship with him.
He's usually so soppy/gentle/romantic. But at this point I really wasn't up for anything. But he was. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't really say 'yes' or 'no' and it's probably my own fault, I could've been firmer, it might have worked. But then he was saying stuff about me not being my usual self (because I wasn't interested in sex) and that I'm always up for it and it was unfair on him because he was soo horny, so he went ahead with it anyway. He did stop when he could see he was hurting me (I may have exaggerated this to him, so that he would stop), but then he was annoyed so kinda guilted/forced/persuaded me to do other things to satisfy him and wouldn't physically let me stop until he was done.....
... He's never been like that before, it's so out of character, usually he lets me pick what we do and does whatever he can to satisfy me. I do love him but the more I think about it, the worse it sounds :'(
But at the time it didn't seem that forceful and I did think I might be over reacting. It's just that he's 6ft tall, quite strong and he was annoyed, upset and rather horny... But like I said, the more I think about it, the worse it seems. And then monday he wanted more. I didn't want him getting annoyed/upset like the last time so even though I still didn't really want to do anything, I suppose I let him just to save the hassle.......................... ..........
I went to brush my teeth after sending most of the story to my friend. I must've looked upset, my housemate asked how I was and I nearly started crying. And I've nearly cried several times today. But i'm not sure if it's because of what my boyfriend did or because now I've possibly made him look so bad when he might not have done anything wrong, especially if its my fault for not being firmer with him (hence why this is anon and I've only told one person in real life, who is the person I trust/feel most confident with, who doesn't know my boyfriend). Although my friend seemed to think he was in the wrong, but seeing as it was soo out of character, may have been over-come with emotions/hormones and didn't realise how forceful he might have been. But like I said, I can't talk to this person for a couple more weeks and don't know what to do or say to my boyfriend who I have to deal with before then !?!?!?
Put the internet to work for you.
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